Sunday, February 8, 2009

what it feels like beyond the teen life?

Yes. I'm officially 20 years old, just recently. It's wonderful to celebrate a birthday with friends, and live for another year, knowing you're one step nearer to your goals in life.I might as well accept that I'm not a young girl anymore.

Being 20, it's like opening a new door where you don't know what's waiting for you inside. It's like meeting the early shower, basking under the coolness of each droplet that falls on my face. It's facing another sunrise, meeting another morning alive. And I am grateful for that, for the fact that I'm still here, breathing and walking on this planet called Earth.

There's so much to do in my life right now. Days before my birthday, I was on the verge of letting myself be hit by a rushing car on the street. Talk about cruelty, I was really down that time. I wanted to escape, to run from my own life, to the point of imagining killing myself. But then again, I cannot do it.

Why? Even if that time I quarreled with my parents and I feel so low, I thought about them. Why waste their efforts by committing suicide? I remember, just now, I wrote for my psychology journal scrapbook - I would like to die through a painless death, wherein those who are close to me, my loved ones, won't be hurt watching me die in pain. Dying peacefully will lessen the pain. They have raised me and thinking of ending my college life like this, I declined the idea of being hit by a car.

I may be in my deepest highs and lows, but I decided not to give up. Even at times where I really want to let go and run away, I will stay. I will live my life, and continue more, even a decade more (if I can). Staying positive, all I can say - Life is beautiful.

And now I am 20 already, it just gets better.

No comments: