MR. GENTLEMAN and MS. SENSITIVE

Amidst life of an irregular medical student, I still realize time is never to be wasted upon doing nothing. If better, I should be engaged in doing something, may it be inclined in academics (which is much, much better) or other stuff, like recreational or random interests at one point in time. But the real deal is, I always find myself either busy or wanting time to lengthen for a bit, just to give enough chance to finish something, like reading a chapter in Guyton. In such a hurry, one might think I don't notice everything else around me. Actually, it's the opposite. That very moment of being on a jeepney ride or an elevator, escalator or a van, gives me the chance to think, to ponder over random things on my head... or look at the passing scenery along the road, or at few times, glance at a cute little kid sitting beside her mommy. It becomes a relief, something that allows me to leave the toxic world for a while and just relax my mind. I try to be more positive in life, despite being a repeater, in the first place, to try plastering a real smile on my face, something that will get me by and beyond the rambling insecurities and gloominess of my depressed heart.

Yes. I am a sensitive person. Despite being talkative and too cheerful whenever I'm with close friends, I tend to be unapproachable when I'm walking alone, on the street or just across the medical building's hallway. I always overthink. What if it's not good to smile at him, when we haven't really been introduced properly? What if she thinks I'm assuming too much on the level of our friendship? Am I too possessive that she likes to be away from me during the day? Things like that go over my head and seriously, these thoughts will literally choke me for the rest of the day that I eventually end up being moody. That's how sensitive I can be. I tend to feel suddenly left alone... and I'll assume the worst from it. Maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why I don't belong... why I'm just like a passing drifter, never sticking to one group, never really belonging to a tight clique.

But between my inner shell of sensitivity and clashing worlds of medical school and reality, there lies that zone... where I still find something to make me think more. As if being a medical student is not nerve-wracking enough to use my brain, like in laboratory conferences, for an instance. Just yesterday, I left the dorm for my afternoon class, and unfortunately the weather was not really nice. It was raining hard, plus the wind was definitely strong, that it can rip my umbrella apart if I'm not careful enough. So, I stood at the streetside and waited for a jeepney that will take me to the university. To make the introduction short, I saw the jeepney and took the ride. Making my way towards the jeepney was already a fail. I forgot to open my umbrella so I got shock when I walked from the shed and across the street. And just when I wanted to open the umbrella, the wind forced it close, so I got too focused on opening it again. A horn blared and I realized I'm standing still in the middle of the street and a jeepney is already towards me. Trying to save myself, I slipped in the middle of that small distance between the two jeepneys just to get inside one of them. To make matters worse, just when I think I'm already safe, while inside the jeepney, I tried to look for a vacant seat, but the driver suddenly geared the jeepney forward, so I unfortunately succumbed to inertia. You know the feeling of being helpless and your weight just got sucked in downwards (thanks gravity!). Good heavens, someone supported me and it was a guy wearing all black. I was literally shocked and so embarrassed. Finally I got my seat which was across this guy who was my "lifesaver"... I don't know if I was able to really say thank you properly, though. That's when I realize, a gentleman is in front of me. And oh boy, a gentleman still exists. I felt like the luckiest girl in the planet, or just make it in that jeepney for discovering someone like him. I felt like in this world, in this recent time, only few gentleman exist. And I'm just very grateful, he was there when I had an unfortunate incident. So glad.

Thank you, Mr. Gentleman-in-Black, you literally saved a damsel in distress. Cheers!

Rambling thoughts on exams, pimples and more....

This week has been a toxic week for me even if my TWO examinations were postponed for next week. Thank Typhoon pedring for the two consecutive days with suspended classes.

For four days straight, I have been reading and reading and reading and reading ... only taking time to rest during meals and short naps and a somewhat good night rest. I have an easier case compared with my roommate who is still taking examinations until Saturday and next week, as well. She has been endlessly hovering her eyes on numerous handouts of different topics under different subjects. Imagine how her brain and eyes and her body are faring! I commend her hardworking spirit, so I am kind of influenced by her. I was also stuck on my chair, reading and reviewing for Renal physiology. I am still not done, actually, there is more to review, but I decided to take a break. But I have to say, thank goodness I love reading and writing, so I still get by. It feels good when you understand things more when you reread them. I just hope I remember most of what I have read for the examination next week! And seriously, reading topics on Renal for the past days, did something to my usual bathroom break routine! I have been going back to the bathroom in a much shorter period in between, even though I have not drank that much water. Hmm!

Aside from reading, I have been doing a new regime for my facial care. I visited a derma clinic last week, hoping to get some positive help for my existent facial problems, like pimples. She gave me few stuff to try, plus reminders of avoiding certain products. I do not know if it is actually working, since my pimples are still here... on my face. But when I observe my face, I think there is somewhat changes, but I am not sure. I have to check it with the dermatologist to see if it is really effective for me. Having pimples is such a sensitive issue for me since I have been having a hard time controlling it, they just come and go, whether I am stressed or just having my monthly menstrual flow. I just want to be bit prettier, if it is not too much to ask. Do not even start with my pair of eyebags, they are there ever since!

Apart from the academic and physical issues of my life, my social life is not in its highest level. I do not have a boyfriend, so let us put an X mark on the love life box and move on. Me and Ate L have decided to go for a weekend trip in Subic this October. We have been planning on it earlier this year, but it just did not push through. Out of excitement to have our close friends to join, news reached me that their families want to join in the fun, since my parents are going with us. If only we have our own car, we can have the trip with just us girls, but nevertheless, I do not know what is supposed to happen next. I should probably talk to my Dad about this, if we are still pushing through since the number of people joining has increased! I just hope I can have a fun weekend trip this semestral break.

It is close to the end of the first semester, my first semester as an irregular medical student. Until now, I still feel embarrassed but have learned to accept it, since I am first and foremost, the one at fault. There have been so many what ifs that have scoured my mind every time I see the Second Year students, my once upon a time batchmates, but ended up to be my Upper Year schoolmates. Nevertheless, I will not give up, even if my brain is stuck up on a certain Acid Base chapter discussion, I will still move on.

There is no harm trying my best...at least, there will be no regrets from now on.

Fighting!

Hanbok, Renal Physiology and Eyebags

There's so much going on in my life lately. Okay, scratch that... there's none. I'm just the same old lazy me who wasted the weekend sleeping instead of studying. And right now, I'm harvesting the fruits of my labor, I mean laziness and is studying past midnight. How inspiring is that. Well anyways, I decided to cool off my mind and put something worthwhile in my blog. Hmm, where to start?

HANBOK

Korea is celebrating its Chuseok holidays. I've become aware of it since I'm into K-pop and has been sighting the latest articles of Korean celebrities sending out their Chuseok greetings to the fans garbed in colorful hanbok wear. Ever since I've come across Korea (well, including Korean drama and music), I've always wanted to experience wearing hanbok. I don't know if that will happen anytime in the future, but nevertheless, I want to.

According to few articles I've read, Chuseok holiday is an autumn harvest festival that is Korean equivalent to Thanksgiving (which is famous in USA). If in America, it's turkey that is the main feast in Thanksgiving, one traditional food item prepared in Chuseok celebration is songpyeon, which is a half-moon rice cake.

If anyone reading here is Korean, then I want to greet you a heartwarming "Chuseok holiday greetings" to you and your family.

RENAL PHYSIOLOGY

As I've mentioned, I am studying, well supposed to be studying (but instead is "blogging"). I'm trying to understand Renal Physiology which is a topic that I honestly, don't like that much. Weird. Just an added information, I'm retaking Physiology, so that means, I'm supposedly read the chapters on this topic, but sadly, I didn't finish them too last year. That's why I am practically cramming. Yeah, you heard it right. It's as if I didn't learn anything from my mistakes.

Many would say, understanding how your urine is formed, how it is excreted and blah.. blah blah.. is easy, think again. It's not an easy feat to remember all the intricate details about your renal tubules where our urine is being diluted or concentrated depending on the situation. Let's just say, I'm not really good in understanding in one reading... and that is really a sad case for me. Oh well, I'd try to finish this chapter so I can move on to the next.

EYEBAGS

Well, I'm your girl with the panda eyes, I mean the notorious evident eyebags. There's no point hiding them, you'll clearly see them. I am always envious of those people who pull all-nighters whether it's for party or work and don't look as much stressed as I am with my pair of glorious dark circles.

Sleep is one thing. It's the key to either gain or lose those ugly set of eyebags, but for me, it ain't a luxury. And I just realize, these eyebags are making me uglier than I ever was and there's no point in feeling pretty when I'm not physically.

If you have the same problems as me, then we need to work on this issue. I've heard about natural treatment like placing thin slices of cucumber around the eye area. Or cold compress that can help relax and even out the tension in the eyes. I'd probably do that later, I hope I don't forget.

...

Life ain't fun without the fuzz and the buzz going on around. But for me, I'd go back to studying for now.

Cheers.

AFTERMATH

Finally, the week is over, the weeks of practicing for our first dance performance for this school year has been a huge success. The crowd LOVED our finale performance, it is such an overwhelming feeling hearing their screams. Although a large percent cheered for Moi, one of the newest members who is an awesome dancer, as in, you really need to see her dance and you will just be dumbfounded.
But anyways, I felt bit bad since I think I messed up slightly with THAT dance move I was having a hard time doing, but nevertheless, my classmates and some friends said I did awesome! Oh yeah! One even was in disbelief when she saw me danced, she never knew I was that good. Aww, what a compliment...

It felt so good, to dance.. and when we did the last glance at the crowd and the music faded away, everyone just went wild and my heart was like ... soaring high. It is such an unforgettable evening and the friendships I have made along the way.

Sad though, I will be practicing with them right after semestral break so that will be one or two months from now. I hope I would not gain much weight since I think I lost a bit.. yeah, just a bit with all the sweat I have perspired from all the practice. Hoho.

Before I forgot, the day after the awesome evening of our performance, we had basketball game. We were only five, yes, so that means, I played from first to the last quarter. I almost died out of exhaustion, they were bit concerned if I can still make it through. And despite all that, I managed to get a lay up point, oh yea. I suddenly remembered my time back in college, how nostalgic.

And the funny thing is, we even lost a player since she fouled out so the game ended with four of us playing and winning, yeah yeah! So much fun and exhausting all at the same time, but I am just happy we did it. Abi, the main player is beyond amazing...

Right now, my body is still kind of aching at some areas and I should be really studying. So, good night.

of first year in med

It was fun and toxic at the same time.
FUN, because I get to spend time with cozy people and the section I got to be included in are all nice people.
I mean, they're approachable despite that most of them are really "geniuses in their own rights", they are still "approachable".
TOXIC, because it's not as light as undergraduate studies...you are responsible of whatever's discussed and NOT discussed.
No more distinct spoon-feeding, well, aside from few of the professors, but mainly, you have to be always prepared for the worst.
Thankfully, I have good background of the subjects I am taking now, from my BS Biology days, esp. from my Major subjects.
Well, honestly, I can go with the flow but I am not THAT fast to explain stuff, unlike my other classmates (mostly guys).
Yung tipong pagtanong mo, kaya nilang mabigyan kaagad ng sagot.
It makes me feel inferior or somewhat stupid, in a sense.
But I still strive to know what they know, to know more than what they know, or to know more together with them.
I'm not up fo a competition, I'm in the medschool to learn and to be a good doctor for the sake of my future patients.

I don't want to be pressured just because I should not "taint" my family's name.
I will study well for my future, for my chosen career and for the big dreams I only dreamt childishly before.