Sunday, January 11, 2009

too many stuff to think of. . .

I am the type of person who easily panic. And thanks to my imaginative mind, every time I close my eyes and try to sleep, so many images come to life. These images convey all my pent-up thoughts and emotions - thinking of what has just happened and what could possibly happen in my life. This mostly happens when I think of too many stuff, like being one of the heads of our organization's medical mission this coming February.

I tend to freak out when things seem to go out of hand. Not literally freak out, but get to overwhelmed by fear that things might not be fixed anymore. i think it is because I am afraid of responsibility, especially if I think at once that I cannot handle it well. That is where the problem will start to unfold. I have been elected class president in my high school years and one of the student council organization officers of our school. I have been also the Publications Committee Head of our organization, back here in my college. Yet, I do think big but seemed my capabilities couldn't reach to fill up that BIGNESS of my plans. And when plans toppled down, my life turned for the worst. I feel down and literally not-so-confident anymore. I recline from taking up possible tasks thinking everything will just be wasted when I put my hands on it.

Now that I am a head of an event once more makes me wonder. Will I make it whole after this event? Will my co-heads pull it through, despite my "weak factor"? Whatever is the answer, I want to make it right this time. No more time for mistakes and freak-outs. Though I always had hard time sleeping, I still have to be positive. If not, these many stuff i am thinking off will blow my brains out. I do not want that to happen! I guess, I have to manage my time and efforts wisely. Good luck for me!

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