Monday, April 1, 2013

Fear Factor

People tend to think that being brave is the state of not being fearful.
But actually it is the other way around.
It is the state of actually acknowledging your fear, but instead of walking away from it, around it, or not doing anything at all... you FACE your fear and strive to overcome it.
That is bravery.
That is the real essence of courage.

In life, when you don't work to battle out the things that scare you, you will never be able to climb over the walls of challenges that we encounter each day. You'll remain stagnant, unproductive... and more likely a failure. No one's perfectly successful with a load of failures in his resume. Failures are part of life. They're basically there... but they don't exist just to make our living crazy than a rollercoaster ride. They exist to TEST us, to MOLD us to become better, to TEACH us things we seem to not understand... they exist to PREPARE us for more challenges up ahead in the course of our life.

At this point in my life, in my 24 years of existence, I can say I've been to many difficulties. Yes, it may not be as hellish as other people who've been to the deepest pit of disappointments, but I have my fair share of troubles and downfalls. Ever since life began for me, I have been an insecure girl. I always hide behind my parents' back, afraid to face the people and be friends with them. I tend to shy away from opportunities, from activities that could gain me friends. I was coined as "mataray", "suplada"... you get what I mean.

I had this thick shell around me, built a wall between me and the people, just because I was too afraid to trust them and let them into my life.

Where did my insecurity lies?
You maybe have read my previous blogs related to this issue... so you'll probably have an idea already.
Yes, I was born with an inborn hand.
Not your regular right hand, so growing up, people looked at me bit differently.
I was not pretty, as far as I can say.
I emerged during puberty as an ugly duckling... face decorated with eyebags and pimples.
I was chubby, short...
In short, I don't see myself as appealing to others... that it provoked me to hide my hand, feel lowly about myself.
I was consumed with fear that no person will accept me for who I am except my family.
Yes, I gained friends but still I am somewhat doubtful.

But looking back at those years I wallowed in the pit of insecurity, I felt sorry about myself, but at the same time, grateful.
Through that, I was able to see myself and reflect.
Slowly but surely, I learnt to shed off the shell, to bring down the wall and open up myself wholeheartedly to people. I gained my confidence and became president of our district youth council. My natural "malambing" nature came through and it gained me friends. Real friends who accepted me for who I am, beyond my insecurities and weirdness.

And through them, I slowly find myself and realized who I am and what I can offer... what I can do if I just let go of my insecurities.

Who would have thought that after all these years, two person will actually see me as 19 years old?
I've never could imagined I would hear such compliments from 2 guys who I just met...
It's not that I am bragging about it, I'm honestly flattered at the same time surprised.

It is such a difference when positive energy overflows from you.. when you let optimism rule over your insecurity. I am more comfortable with myself.. even there are still times I hide my hand and feel like I'm no way pretty like my friends.

But once in a while, I look at my own reflection in the mirror and understand my worth.
I am a child of God, His daughter... why would I think lowly of myself?
He has created me in His own image, why would I tamper it and think negative of His creation?

I am blessed that I am who I am today.
I am so grateful that He has helped me find my inner confidence and channel it through ways that I can also inspire.

Who would have thought that once upon a time, you will never see me standing alone in a crowd, mingling and smiling, as if I've already known them for so long?
But now... it's like my inclination for personal interaction comes out naturally.. that close friends have seen me as more mature and more approachable.
'Tis such an awesome experience to see how much growth I've accomplished and how many friends I've gained who have become attached to me.

Life is never easy.
And being brave is not easy as well.
Yet it takes an effort to try...takes one decision to surrender all to Him and let Him guide you through and overcome your fears.

Before I am an insecure girl... 
but now..
I am a secure young woman, bursting forth with happiness and good vibes, assured that I should not fear life when God is walking by my side.~

1 comment:

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