Wednesday, December 30, 2009

painful dream

I had this dream, a very disturbing dream for me. It started with what I did, which I actually can’t remember clearly anymore.
Stealthily went to a house to get something.
It was as if the scene was movie-directed and I was supposed to get something without the knowledge of my parents.
Running away afterwards. I was with someone who helped me find a place to stay for the night.
The place was set in LB actually. We cannot go to my apartment thinking my father will go straight to that place.
The “girl” who helped me took me to someone’s apartment [Conrad] so we went there.
But the next scene changed to going back to the apartment (I think) then to that apartment of my friend again. And there was so many people already.
People I know. People who are dearest to me. HS batchmates. LCD 1 friends. Some orgmates. Some college friends.
They were against me, actually.
There was a scene that Dada and I lashed at each other. Then Pipo came beside me, held my face and said “Do you know farming? You haven’t crossed the mountain yet.”
Sounded weird and confusing but I think it has a ring into it.
The time I woke up I started crying.
My heart was so troubled. My chest was so heavy I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
The entire dream conveyed my biggest fear – losing everyone I love and cherished the most. Not from death, but losing them in the essence of walking away from me. Being truly madly at me.

The saddest and painful part of it all.
No one even stood up for me that time.
Just this girl whom I can't clearly remember who helped me find a place to stay but she disappeared in the scene afterwards.
So, in short, no one actually cared?


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