another side of me

I am proud to say that I am a Seventh-Day Adventist. Although I am not strictly studying the word of God, I have learned much in the course of my life. And with that I realize, why don't I share what I know, even as to inspire the hearts of possible readers online, local and abroad. I remember someone said, "Why don't we use the technology to spread the truth, rather than lazing around doing nothing." He is right, and that's why I made another blog. I entitled it HEAVENLY TESTIMONIALS. I am not saying I am the holiest girl alive, but I want to use my time and capability of writing to share notes, verses, stories, lessons I learned, encountered as I live being with my God, being with my religion.

I hope visitors who accidentally bumped into my personal blog will have time to reflect and read this newly established blog of mine.

Thank you. God bless!

-> heavenatlast.blogspot.com

crush

Crush is a term fondly given to someone you like. It may either be a secretive or obvious liking of the opposite sex, or can be the same sex, for some.

But, I won't be talking about my 'crush'. Funny, I do not have one at this moment, though. I'll be just listing things that I personally like. Or maybe, I can include animals, people... just check 'em out!

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I simply adore butterflies, especially if they exhibit BLUE color. I just can't get enough of them. I find it interesting to just watch them flutter around you, minding their own lives.

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Angels. I refer to them as my personal guardians. I feel protected and assured knowing and believing they do exist and are with me always. I have experienced cases where I felt my guardian angel saving me, protecting me , with a swish of her/his fluffy wings and touch of her/his gentle hands. Still can't decide if my angel is a he or she. Sorry =D

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Watching this stethoscope draped on a doctor's shoulders. I've always imagined myself, walking along the corridors of a hospital, clad in white, with my very own stethoscope. Also, with an attached stuff toy. (laughs) It's not that obvious I really do want to be a doctor. I like mine to be either pink or blue!

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If ever I will have children, I'd rather have TWINS. Yes. A boy and a girl, and I'll be contented. There's an 'if', since I do not know when that would possibly happen. I would have to pursue my career and be successful first. =D

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I like and appreciate water. All bodies of water. I love to swim. I love to frolick against the waves. I like the feelings of being summoned by the great ocean, or showered by the pretty falls. I wish I have time and money to venture on a trip to all beaches, falls and rivers...etc., there is! It would be fun!!!

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I like to find the one for me. Someday. Someone who will cherish me for the rest of his lives. And will understand the path of career that I will take. Or if not, someone who will be my true best of friend. Someone who won't leave me because she/he has her/his own love life to take care of about.

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I like books. As in, I'm totally addicted to reading once I grabbed one. You won't get a decent conversation with me if I'm actually reading a book. So, if you want to give me gifts on my birthdays and Christmas celebrations. . I'll be happy to receive books from you =)

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Seriously, I am getting sleepy, so I have to end this first. Tsk!

my life would suck without you

FACTION.

In political terms, FACTION is a grouping of individuals, within a political organization, with a political purpose (www.wikipedia.com). In simple words, faction is a group of people sharing the same belief or holding on to the same agenda or motives. I also read, that some factions are loose organizations, with no definitive list of members. while on the other hand there exist factions bearing strong internal structure and official positions for its list of members.

When a faction rises in a group of people, this means a new group is arising, with different thoughts against what is intended for the original group. And that means, there will be partitions of opinions, differences of decisions and plans. And what is the result - divided organization.

Globally, and even locally, this is not a new notion, since there are many cases of growing factions within an organization or existing parties. And we have been, if not part of it, victims of the consequences of such events. In government situation, existence of factions contribute to endless conflicts within the officials, and thus, the environment for them is not conducive anymore for a peaceful convergence of ideas and plans for the welfare of the people they serve. And what do we get in return, continuous trials and cases of impeachments, graft and corruption, and unfinished projects for the country and the hopeful citizens. Is this what we deserve for placing these people in their positions? Will we let them form their own factions just for their own personal and "powerful" benefits? Then, why don't we examine our lives and observe our surroundings. Do these factions not exist around us? Do they not start even within small groups such as class or even social organizations?

I have been a witness to this certain factions and what they lead to, afterwards. Factions even exist in families, where some members of the family grouped together against some fellow family relatives. Will this be helpful? I think not. This will only increase bickerings and pursuit for more arguments. Once a united stronghold, now a divided clan. Do we want that? A family is supposed to be united. And once we are in a class, or in an organization, we recognize these people we are with as new family members. The assurance of unity, through thick and thin, we expect the best and the worst together. But once the family is broken, factions arise, you can just observe how fast the people within the group will start to lose trust and connection. You do not know who to trust to anymore. You do not know if you're teaming up with this faction or the other one. A group is now divided into subgroups, just like a classification phylogeny where a family will be subdivided into genera. Although they are in the same family, they now exist as separate factions. And that is a sad thing.

Unity is essential. You cannot achieve something as a group if the members are not united. When you have a goal in focus, despite the differences that lie within each individual within the group, once you have the same motive, the group will succeed in reaching that goal. Take the case of the Fall of Jericho, as written in the Bible. The Israelites marched "together" around the building, blowing their horns and singing, and through God's power and their unity, Jericho crumbled down.

There is a common saying "United we stand, divided we fall", together we will not crumble easily, but as divided factions, a group/family/organization will easily come tumbling down.

Just like in our country, all we need is unity. If we want these turmoil to end, we have to be at one, to be standing on the same ground, believing in the same cause, or else, our country will just continue embarking on a lifetime dependency for survival, hanging on that thin line of hope for the future.

And for us, let us not forget. No man is an island. Yes, once you are part of a group, cooperate. Be united. No factions. No hidden motives.

We could have a peaceful life when that happens. I know. And I believe, you also think so. :)

it's over and done

..but the heartache lives on inside.

I'm just being emotional right now. Actually, the heartache has been mended. I'm carrying less burden, right now. I am so happy. Actually, I still feel tired but who cares, our Medical Mission was successful.

Yes. It is successful. I'm just happy. Everything went well, even if there were some flaws. I actually slept for almost 12 hours after that.

Relief. Gratitude. Happiness.

Thank you to all the people who supported it.

Thank you, thank you!

because of you. . .

I've done everything to make you happy but it all amounts to nothing in the end.
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I've done everything to prove I'm worthy but all my efforts are in vain.
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Have you ever felt like that? You have given it all, yet, you seem UN-appreciated, UN-noticed and UN-remarkable. Have you ever felt the nagging feeling that you have been working too hard to show you care, to prove you can do it, that it becomes tiring already afterwards? I felt like that and it's worse than getting a hangover after drinking too much the night before. It's a grueling process to be accepted, especially if you are just there as an existing wallpaper o a living stuff toy, not even for decoration.

Right now, my emotions are in a turmoil. I'm seeing myself, standing on the edge of the cliff, shadow of faces looming on my back, asking me to step back, while I look down at the angry waves crashing against the jagged stones below. What will I choose? To stay and continue doing what I can, or give up and let myself sink into an abyss of desperation? Sometimes, when the going gets tough, all you need is someone who cares, not someone who let you feel that you're wanted for a split second in history, but you're actually not. It's a rather comforting feeling to be swallowed by the huge open sea and not feel the loneliness surrounding me anymore. I just want to be happy, be appreciated, be loved as I give love.

Desperation. Loss of hope, sinking into despair. Once you're trapped in that abyss, it's hard to free yourself unless you realized you're in that situation. I'm in that situation, right now. All along, I have been caught by the chains of cold imprisonment. Not locked up in a typical jail. But living inside a four-cornered dimension, plagued by the piercing eyes of people you care about, but cared less in return. I want to be free. I want to break down this dark mist shrouding my point of view, clouding my real understanding of happiness.

All I want in life is to be loved. To be understood. To be appreciated. Yet, every mistake I do, it turns out to be a nightmare for me. I have to pick up the pieces of those efforts I made that came tumbling down. I have to re-build again and make myself a remarkable sight to behold. I do not want this kind of set-up. It's as if I'm a non-living mannequin, in an artificial world where I act as my owner wants me to act. I'm tired being too friendly, too understanding, too nice, too forgiving. Why should I be when after everything I do positively, I am still the UN-right person for them.

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Because of you, I did everything.

Will it please you if I drown myself to complete despair?
Will you be contented if I give up my life just to make you happy?
I don't think so. That's why, right now, I'm about to wake up...

Because of you.

the essence of an ERASER

Photo Courtesy: http://school.discoveryeducation.com/clipart/images/eraser.gif


I received this test message from a friend.
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Erasers are for people who make errors.
But the wise said:
Erasers are for people who are willing to correct their mistakes.
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So true. There are so many people I've encountered nowadays who refrain from admitting their own mistakes, worse, they even proclaim they are right, despite the fact that they are OBVIOUSLY wrong. Don't get me wrong. I'm not playing judge nor Miss Perfect, I'm just saying what I usually observe. Take this for example.

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Sister: Bro, you're in-charge of washing the dishes.
Brother: (nods absently without saying a word)
Sister: (left the kitchen to do something)
Hours later. . .
Sister: (went back to the kitchen, found the dirty dishes still untouched) Bro! I told you to wash the dishes!
Brother: I'm going to wash it later. You don't have to be mad!
Sister: It was hours ago when I told you. (sighs and started cleaning the mess)
Brother: You chatter so much. I already told you I'm going to wash them. (but he left the kitchen and went to watch TV)
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See, although this is a simple example, it happens. The brother didn't admit that he forgot to wash the dishes and didn't even budge to wash the dishes. Another case, let's take it a bit deeper.

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Friend 1: Yes, she is so boring. I don't want to be with her too much.
Friend 2: You're right. She is . . . (stops and saw the person they're talking about behind Friend 1's back)
Friend 1: She thinks she is beautiful but she's not. Of course, I'm so not gonna tell her that.
Girl: Really. You think about me like that. (surprises Friend 1)
Friend 1: Of course not, you're not the one we're talking about, right Friend 2?
Friend 2: Yea, right. (smiles weakly)
Girl: I heard you.
Friend 1: You heard wrong. You know what, I'll be leaving now for my class. See you.
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A case of self-denial leads to hanging bridges between friendships. Friend 1 is already caught saying bad things about the other girl but she never said an apology. That what hurts the girl more, knowing she considers her as a friend.

ERASERS. We use them to "erase" whatever we wrote on a paper that is wrong or needs to be edited. Unlike a "liquid eraser" that just covers up a typographical error, an eraser completely removes it. Yes, there may be remainders of those which have been erased, fragments of your past's mistakes. A clinging reminder that you have committed something wrong, yet, you have been brave to admit it and start all over again.

MISTAKES. Everyone is not perfect, although you see icons of the 'perfect one" on the pages of your all-time favorite magazines. We all do commit mistakes, but it is up to us if we decide to repeat doing the same mistake all over again. Mistakes give us a wake-up call, telling us that we still have to improve ourselves, be better individuals, or if not, be a worthwhile companion. There's a saying that goes, "Once is enough, twice is too much." Doing it once, it is acceptable, as long as you repented for your own mistake. Doing it again, that just proves your incapable of letting go, and you keep on holding back, resulting to repeated streaks of that same mistake.

I,personally have committed mistakes in the past, may it be small, accidental or intentional. And have been repeating some in the course of life I'm taking now. Right now, I'm working on improving myself. Just like what the wise man said, erasers are needed by people like me, who is willing to change, to admit his/her own mistakes.

The essence of an eraser? To erase. The essence of admitting your mistakes? To grow and learn.

it must be the ball

I saw this photo in one of my friends' photo album in her multiply account. A candid shot, sporty me, trying to serve the ball during a heated volleyball finals competition. This is last year, in mid-September, if I remember it right. We won. And of course, we are the champions - we, meaning, our organization. Actually, our volleyball team haven't lost all throughout the season - we're having a winning streak, to be exact.

It's nice to remember, volleyball has been one of my sports. Well, I am not an expert player, but I do know how to play and I think I play well. Friends tell me I'm good, so I believe that. People I know, always tell me I'm a sporty one. Aside from volleyball, I also play basketball, table tennis and badminton. The last two, I'm just playing for fun. Basketball and volleyball are where I can say, I'll be confident playing in. Being in the game gives you the thrill, the tension and the suspense all at the same time. It's a much faster pace when it comes to basketball, and much more aggressive. In volleyball, it's more passive. That's what I think.

Looking back at that stolen picture of me, I couldn't help but smile. I don't remember if I made that serve, I am just happy I'm in that game. I'm happy we won and I'm part of that victorious feeling of emerging champions after that.

Whether I serve the ball or shoot it, I make sure, I give it my best. Just like in life, you'll never be a winner if you quit halfway. Just like now, I will continue living and playing my sports. It's what I love.

what it feels like beyond the teen life?

Yes. I'm officially 20 years old, just recently. It's wonderful to celebrate a birthday with friends, and live for another year, knowing you're one step nearer to your goals in life.I might as well accept that I'm not a young girl anymore.

Being 20, it's like opening a new door where you don't know what's waiting for you inside. It's like meeting the early shower, basking under the coolness of each droplet that falls on my face. It's facing another sunrise, meeting another morning alive. And I am grateful for that, for the fact that I'm still here, breathing and walking on this planet called Earth.

There's so much to do in my life right now. Days before my birthday, I was on the verge of letting myself be hit by a rushing car on the street. Talk about cruelty, I was really down that time. I wanted to escape, to run from my own life, to the point of imagining killing myself. But then again, I cannot do it.

Why? Even if that time I quarreled with my parents and I feel so low, I thought about them. Why waste their efforts by committing suicide? I remember, just now, I wrote for my psychology journal scrapbook - I would like to die through a painless death, wherein those who are close to me, my loved ones, won't be hurt watching me die in pain. Dying peacefully will lessen the pain. They have raised me and thinking of ending my college life like this, I declined the idea of being hit by a car.

I may be in my deepest highs and lows, but I decided not to give up. Even at times where I really want to let go and run away, I will stay. I will live my life, and continue more, even a decade more (if I can). Staying positive, all I can say - Life is beautiful.

And now I am 20 already, it just gets better.