DETACHED

Azul, the blue lovebird died this morning. That was the first news that woke me up earlier today. If I can remember it clearly, I saw the bird's head hanging on the plastic thread that is draped above the cage. It's sad to see such a scene.

The first thought the came to my mind is ... "poor bird". He probably suffered from suffocation before dying. My mom even commented that the bird committed suicide. It's such a cruel fate and we're at fault as well. We let that plastic thread hang on the cage and be played by the birds that it ended becoming the reason of the death of one of them. Such a careless act on our part that caused a life.

The second thought that came to mind is ... "what will happen to his partner?". I've been observing Sol, the yellow bird that is now residing alone in their cage. She seemed anxious all the time, staying in the lower part of the cage, head leaning against the railings of the cage. Most of the time, she kept on chirping. I felt lonely for her, to be left alone out of the blue.

Funny though, the situation made me realize that being lonely is not a happy situation to be. My brother even commented about Sol's situation.

"Kawawa naman siya. Wala na siya kasabay kumain, uminom. Wala na siya kasama."

(Poor bird, she doesn't have any companion anymore while eating and drinking. She's alone now.)

True. I've never liked being alone, although most of the time, I do that. I always assure myself this is better, I can do things without being distracted. But at the end, I crave for a companion, I crave for someone to spend the afternoon with me, or accompany me some place I want to go and have fun.

Last night, I got this chance to watch this korean comedy-drama in KBS, entitled "He Who Can't Marry". [KBS 2009]

It's about a man who is a stubborn man in his forties that is insistent on not planning to marry. Plus, his personality makes him not an ideal candidate for women finding their husband-to-be. Although despite his flaws, he's perfect in his work as an accomplished architect. On the other hand, here comes a doctor who is also single, but unlike this man, wants to find the perfect guy to get married to, but haven't found him. It's enlightening when you listen to the characters' lines, how clashing they can be. And I thought, "wow, who would I be like when I come around that age?". Will I be still single and still on a lookout for that perfect man? Or would I be like Cho Jae Hee that believes it depends on your view in life... that you can be happy even being single. You don't spend too much money since you don't have a wife and kids to take care of.

I don't think I can survive until old age being single. I think God created man and woman to live in companionship. No man is an island, there's a popular saying that goes like that. I hope Sol, our yellow bird won't be too lonely, or if possible will have a companion soon so she won't be too sad without someone to chirp with, to eat with or to even play around, especially at this time, I think she and Azul are pretty closer than before.

And I hope too, I won't be single for the rest of my life. I'm happy being single as of now, but in my point of view, I still want to have my own family someday.

HOT WATERS

Someone had the nerve to throw a bucket of hot water on our dogs. Yeah. Imagine my horror when my brother greeted me a rather somber expression when I woke up.

"Ate, tingnan mo si Chummy." (Sis, go check out Chummy.) I suddenly felt scared, wondering what's worst could I see. Upon chccking out our backyard, lo and behold, my dog whimpering. It's not what caught my eye, but the large patches of burnt skin on her left side of the body. I can't imagine posting a photo of her, despite wanting to, just to show you how cruel sight it was. I panicked, so much, I don't know what to do first. I didn't take a bath, sent text messages to my dad and to a friend who has vehicle, hoping she'll take me to the clinic fast. Sadly, she's not replying yet and my dad wanted us to take Chummy after church service. No way, no way will I let Chummy wait with blood oozing from the burnt patch of skin. Writing this provokes me to cry, it's so painful seeing that in your dog, seeing how much pain she's going through. Her mother Res is unusually loud, barking, trying to get our attention. My brother thought she was just hungry, but they were already fed last night, and I though they're full. But I think, she's also panicking for her daughter and probably trying to tell me via dog language... that something bad indeed happened.

So, I hurriedly asked my brother to fetch a tricycle so that I can travel faster to the nearest veterinary clinic. The assistant and the two customers who were there were surprised when they see me carrying my dog, seeing those burnt patches all over her left body. Yeah, I can feel for them, what more me who is a family. She felt so weak in my arms, cozying up closer to me as I placed her on the clinic desk. I'm proud she got the injections without so much fuss but it still pains me to see she's really not enjoying it. The sight of her in that condition strikes a nerve, I just want to get out and take revenge to whoever did this to her. Although I haven't been that hands-on in taking care of her, since I'm not always at home, she's still close to my heart. I've wanted to take care of her myself back in college, but the apartment where I'm in has rules, so I had to take her back home.

I hope other dogs won't have this fate like my dog. How I wish I could catch whoever is the culprit behind this. My dog is not even prowling around the community, she's just in the lot behind our house, around close perimeter. So why the heck? What is that person's problem to even THINK of throwing that boiling water over our dogs. No way is that accidental, no way! I have an idea who that person could be, but I don't want to fall into false accusation. I just let it all to God and prayed for our dogs' recover, especially Chummy.

P.S.

It's BOILING WATER. No way will that happen if it's just plain warm water. My dog's freaking burnt. It's like she got burnt by fire. Karma's a bitch, but I'll just let life take its toll on whoever that culprit is, whatever his/her punishment will be for such cruel action.

THE COMPOSER

Music is my escape from everything. Well, it used to be reading a romantic novel, all cuddled up in my bed, forgetting everything else around me. But since I get stuck up with reading nothing except medical books and transes, I seek refuge from the stress by listening to a song, may it be gospel or some cheesy love song. In the end, I always feel much better.

But actually, it's not merely music that drives me away from insanity. It's mostly God who speaks to me through those soulful lyrics, like from a favorite church hymn I sing. It is Him who transcends His voice in me through the wonderfully written lyrics that strengthen me each day. When I miss reading the Bible, I end up listening to music instead. The words give me divine inspiration and mostly, a warm guiding pat on my back.

True enough, I've been exposed to gospel music since time can tell. Actually, I grew up listening to them and just got exposed to secular music when I reached the sixth grade in elementary. I sing secular now, not to mention those K-pop faves of mine, but I also love gospel songs. And beyond that, I love composing songs.

The problem lies in not being "talented enough" to incorporate my composition with an instrument. So, what I mean to say, is I compose song right from scratch, my own lyrics with my own melody in an instant, without any guidance of a piano or guitar accompaniment. It would have been better if I can, too, so I'd be like Taylor Swift or something. I'm not into being a famous girl, I just want to have the chance to voice out my words in music. But despite that, it didn't stop me from composing with own capabilities.

Honestly, I feel so accomplished today. The other night, I was up late but ended up composing a gospel song. The lyrics are not originally written by me, but by David, author of the book of Psalms. Yes, my song is divinely inspired by the Bible. That moment felt surreal, the melody just came out of my voice and it's somehow overwhelming when I actually finished it. I am not a good singer so I'm so keen in having my church friend sing it for me. And when it happened this morning, it's beyond happiness. It's like my intimate connection with God just step up another notch, to be able to sing praises to Him. It's a gratifying pleasure, especially coming from me, who personally thinks I lack in so many things when it comes to communicating with Him.

Composing is one of my hobbies, aside from writing. It feels great when you think your works can have a chance to be voiced out, and in so doing, be used to glorify God. I want to be used by Him but I always end up being scared that I won't do okay.. that I will just fail in whatever mission He gives me.

But as my friend told me today, "this probably is one of God's purpose for me...". And yes, I'd gladly accept and will not second-thought of composing songs for Him and Him only.

By the way, I don't have any idea how to patent my original song and the songs to come. We like to come up with a collection so the songs can be sung by our district youth members as a choir one day. :)