where?

I still have no medical school to go to this coming June.
Where does God want me to be?
I have not been accepted in both PLM and UERM.
And now, I have to send in late my application for FEU.
Sighs.
I can't stop feeling lost, upset and scared.
But I will still hold on to the Higher Being.
He has been with me through all this.
He has helped me fight against the roundabout tumblings I've encountered this last sem.
He has let me graduate soon this April.
With that, I'll trust Him completely.

And soon, I will find the answer.
Where?

COming sooooooon!

headlines

I obtained this sacred information.
I won't tell it yet.
I promised I will keep it a secret.
But.
I love this new information.
It made my day complete.
I am happy.
I am thankful.
I am blessed.

If only, another good news will come by again.
Tomorrow.

what the heck?

2010 is not a good year for me.
Okay, not being pessimistic or anything.
I meant to say, the first quarter of this year is not good.

I am in this small thread, hanging on to it.
My future's blank.
My present's staggered.

I am so lost.
I don't know what to do.
Or what would happen to me.

I hate it.
I am hating it.

I just wanna burrow myself in a hole and cry.

INHIBITOR

I wanted to graduate this April 2010.
My parents are expecting it, since I was supposed to graduate last year.

I have plans already.
I am waiting for results of my medical application.
And now this?

THIS came along and it's threatening my future to fall down.

I've been trying to graduate this year, but ...

A huge obstacle planted on my way and it's forcing me to stop.
It's like a LARGE INHIBITOR preventing me to push through and succeed.

I am so pissed off.
Not only on THIS but on HIM.

Seriously, I am not alone for feeling this.
Almost all my fellow graduates who are under his wing this semester are crying out their frustrations.

We're all in pain.
We're suffering in his hands.

And, now, the big news will be unfolded tomorrow.
I am scared. I am terrified.

But, I'm holding on to God..to the prayers..to the support of people who understand and are genuinely concerned for our fates.

I have to trust the Higher Being.
Come what may.

KAPUSO and KAPAMILYA and ME

I'm not anti-GMA nor a pro-ABSCBN.
I just can't help but react negatively with the other and be singing praises to another.
I am just a viewer who sensed something wrong.
I am just part of the Filipino audience who is not oblivious to the praiseworthy stuff made in one network and dislike certain aspects in the other.
Okay, I'll just make a direct point here.
I am not looking for a fight.
I am just an observant.

...
Here it goes.
Before, I don't care much whenever I hear stories of Kapamilya and Kapuso into a network competition.
For me, I've always thought that such rivalry is always part of Filipino's upbeat and competitive character..
BUT.
That moment when I saw the youtube video of SOP finale show.
I was shocked and pissed, honestly.
Why must the rap lyrics be so HARSH that they are pointing out ASAP, blabbing about how ASAP must be feeling happy that SOP is ending.
It just made them appeal to the masses as BITTER PEOPLE.
Seriously.
I don't mean to be rude, but that's how I perceived that part of their goodbye singing to be.
I could have enjoyed them singing their goodbyes, but that went to waste when the rap came in.
And now, I heard from the news that PARTY PILIPINAS will be choreographed by an expert (forgot the name) who have choreographed for stars such as Beyonce and Missy Elliot.
Okay, that is amazing.
BUT. Again.
It doesn't matter how good the choreographer is if the performing people are not that good enough.
So, maybe training under that guy would boost their skills up.
I hope.
So, good luck to Party Pilipinas.

...
Honestly, I'm enjoying ASAP more.
I have observed that the people there are improving.
I have always been impressed how ABSCBN managed to train their Kapamilya stars.
And I have also observed, the network mostly offered FRESH UNIQUE IDEAS, as presented by their primetime shows.
I don't mean to be biased or anything, but that's what I've been noticing, since long before.
If Kapuso really wanted to get ahead, they could start with shows which offer a fresh theme or storyline, not revival of their popular shows (like Darna or Captain Barbell).
Like Encantadia, I thoroughly loved that show.
BUT.
Please don't do a remake of that.

So, that's it.
I just have to let this out.
It's been disturbing me for quite some time.
Again.
I appreciate both networks.
I'm not saying I am against the other one and all-hands for the other.
I am just telling, there is always ROOM for IMPROVEMENT, not to let out BITTERNESS.

who's who?

Unfortunately, I don't have any idea who to vote for the upcoming National Elections.
It sucks.

I am given this chance to practice my rights and I do not want to regret it.
Hopefully, in the coming days, I'm going to find the LIGHT.

The LIGHT that will show me who to vote for, the one rightful for the office seats.
I don't want to see the country continue with the wrong path, there's more to offer for the nation and more it can offer...

I'm losing the days fast, the election is coming near.
So who am I going to vote?

I'll pray and find out my choice SOON.

when the world goes tumbling down...

I don't want to say that life is unfair.
But it hurts so bad when you see your dreams slowly crumbling in front of you.
I don't want to lose hope, but the faith in me is gradually dying..

I am so lost right now, so down that I just want to spend my afternoon crying my heart out.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so ashamed.
I am so heartbroken.

I just needed my parents' embrace right now, I am so sad, so sad that I can't stop the tears from falling.
I feel like my future's getting darker and I can't seem to reach that light anymore.

Would I be drowned in darkness?
Would I tread on the path of failure from now on?

I don't know.
Oh dear God, give me strength.
Help me.
Please.

stupid mistakes

I am now on my way to doom.

My future's getting bleaker every second.

If I will ever be given a chance to overcome this,
I will be forever grateful.

My life is already lying on a thin piece of thread.

...

Help me God.

FEAR

It has been silently creeping into my system.
Much, much intense compared to those fear of not being able to pass papers or projects online, or passing/failing an examination.

It holds my eye on the future.
That's where my fear is rooting from.
I am scared, I don't know if I am going to the right step, right way, right destination.
I am afraid to disappoint not only my parents, but myself.

I am really lost right now.
Just when I thought I am already reaching what I want to accomplish,
it's getting farther from my hands.

I am so freaking out right now.
Please.
Please.


I do not want to be alone at this moment in my life.
I might collapse and have a hard time standing up.

nocturnal + tummy aches

I am having a weird diagnosis.

Nocturnal syndrome.

Recurring tummy aches.

I haven't gone to a doctor yet.

I think my nocturnal syndrome is driven by my insomniac nature?

I am having a hard time sleeping.

And, I always have this tummy aches, as if a reminder of my ulcer-induced days.

I don't want to return to those painful days.

So, hopefully, I get better from this.

Sighs.