Slowly Falling.... Guided by God's Gentle Hands

Even if you want to stay friends, sometimes, you get overwhelmed and began falling for that person.

And FAST.

It's really so hard to leave a statement when you can never be sure of what will happen next in the days to come. When you thought you could never like that person, you'd end up thinking about him before you succumb to sleep. When you thought you will never like his personality, you'd end up appreciating every little detail of his likes and dislikes, to the extend of realizing you have similarities in the long run.

When you think you'd just be happy being friends with him, you'd crave for more... and more, until you'd never be so contented to have him look at you "just as a friend".

I am grateful that earlier this year, I was able to find my stable self, not as a hundred percent perfectly built, but this year, I've found a fresh new aura around me, in me, with me. I began anew with God, I dished off my principle of finding happiness through a man and vowed not to let a man rule over my heart and mind.

I learnt a valuable lesson of finding happiness and confidence first before even letting myself fall completely for a man.

And God is indeed a wonderful Father, for He guided me, His daughter to find a man, in a slow crucial step-by-step process. Indeed, when comparing to my last entry, I felt relieved that I haven't lost my focus nor my control. I didn't let selfish desires lead me to make rash decisions I will regret in the later years. I'm grateful I have friends who have been a supportive pillar, who helped me continually connect to that confidence I've gained for the past months... and I'm happy that God has been guiding me through and through.

Truly, prayers are miraculous answers to your silent inquiries and desires.

God works in mysterious ways, yet He enlightened you with answers as long as you're willing to understand and abide by His will.

It's not about what you want, but what God wants the best for you.

And I willingly surrendered my heart to God's gentle, reassuring hands, letting Him guide me to that man, if He intends to....

That man...

I already see him as the man for me, yet I can't yet be sure if I am completely in love with him.

I still want to stay humbly as his friend, gaining his trust and finding his companion a treasure I've never regret I've come to enjoy.

I am so happy he finally opened up to me, unlike those previous random conversations which mostly comprise of food, food... and yes, food.

Funny, but still I enjoyed those comical talks we had... but this past weekend, he finally told me more than FOOD... and in person.

Imagine the happiness and gratitude that swelled in my heart... yes, I am indeed happy.

It's true and I can say with confidence... though the past months have been slowly progressive... every second has been worth the wait.

And whatever God has plan for the next year to come, I'd be patiently waiting... as I've done for the past months.

Yes, I am slowly falling for him more and more.... but what's so good about it, I'm not alone... I've been gently guided by God's hands. <3 font="font">

AMEN! :)

In God's Perfect Timing

I tried to hold onto that belief that God is indeed writing the best love story for me, I just have to wait and be patient.

And I've never thought that there will come a day when I'll actually open up to the idea of really finding that man, of really seeing one person as that man God has intended me to have.

Close friends knew of my insecurity. My family knew of my somewhat low esteem when it comes to finding that confidence in myself. I knew it in me that I don't trust the idea someone will actually fall in love with me, choose me over other girls, love me for who I am.

You might think, I've already found my own love story, but I'm actually treading towards one. I suppose, this year has taught me so many things that my perspective on finding love isn't as complicated as how I pictured it before. Back then, I was clinging to the idea that I need a man to make me happy... to make me feel complete or make me feel that I am special. I realized, no it's not like that. I need to find myself first, and be happy with who I am, love myself before I can really understand love. I need to find real love, which is in Christ Jesus before I find it in myself to really love someone. I've understood more that you can never find the answer if you take matters into your hands... let God lead the way, and you're assured on the right track.

Just like what's happening to me lately. I'm not in a hurry to put things in order and affirm myself that 'yes, we have a future'. You can say I've started liking someone, someone who I believed God wanted me to meet for a certain reason. Whatever purpose it might be, one thing is clear... he is not someone who causes me to walk astray from God's course. The amazing thing is, he leads me to know him in a good way, no physical involvement, just the way he prioritizes God and family over any other personal desires... has won me over.

Our first encounter started with nothing, yet God ignited a friendship I never thought I will have with him. The process was slow, patiently-woven by God's guiding fingers, but the truth is, I'm never in a hurry. I know God wanted me to learn the value of patience, and in this case, it's surely teaching me. I tried not to take actions rashly, just because I'm afraid to lose him... and I'm afraid to walk ahead of God's plans.

We never really touched hands except a one time quick shaking of hands. We never talked so much beyond personal background, but we always joked around. I don't even know his real age, but his passion for sports caught my attention. His firm integrity, on prioritizing family and church service over own enjoyment... led me to like him more and more. I didn't think of him more than a friend months ago and I can't finish the sentence by saying I am in love with him now. I like him, yes... and I intend to focus on strengthening my friendship with him rather than creating a romantic relationship at once.

I really have no idea what he thinks of me. I'm scared that I'll get too attached at once, since I am a sensitive person, afraid I might fall too soon if I don't be careful. Yet it is a breathtaking relief that when you put the matters of your heart in God's hands and pray for it earnestly, He will indeed guide you. I never prayed specifically for love before, and even now, I don't, but a simple honest prayer of asking guidance in our friendship and whatever will happen beyond is encouraging, knowing that He knows what is the best for both of us.

I remember reading in Messages to Young People, about the important question you asked when you're thinking over marrying someone, and it can be be synched with a case of liking someone.

Will that person take you closer to Christ?

Simple, yet really relevant. Will that person be heaven-sent or a stumbling block to your faith? Will loving him or her encourage you and not distract you from your obligations, responsibilities and entrusted work in the Lord's mission? If yes, then he is the man God has sent to be your life partner. If not, you might have to think and ponder over it, since having partnership with someone who might lead you away from God, is not a good idea.

I have to say, God is just so amazing. He lets me experience this kind of situation in a slow manner, without any rush. He waited for me to really find my confidence, my desire to serve Him without doubts in my mind and heart, He led me pursue a life dedicated to Him, before letting my heart beat again for a certain someone.

I believe in God's perfect timing.

And right now, I am in His hands. Whatever He has in store for me, I am assured it's all in accordance to His plans. My heart is ready and willing... and if He leads me to him... then one thing will be clear, he will be the partner God has called to be my constant companion as we strive to a life solely consecrated to serving God.

Amen!

Spiritual Journey

This summer... I plunged into a different kind of journey... not expecting it will be an experience that will truly change the state of my heart and my personal views in life. And I felt that the past years of my life have been wasted in nonsense blabbers and complaints.. when in fact, I should have used those precious time in a more fulfilling mission.

I'm born Adventist - since the very first second of breathing, I grew up in an Adventist-based home and lifestyle. Numerous No's in my list has been added as I age each year... not completely understanding the real essence of being an 'Adventist'. Back then when I decided to be baptized, I thought everything is already in order.. that I've completely deciphered all the meanings involved in being a true Adventist.

This summer of 2012 proved me wrong. People in different walks of life proved something that pushed me to be more willing to listen and accept the real truth. Yes, I believe in God, I pray, I have trusted Him all my life... but that wasn't enough. I realized I have been gifted with talents I can use to testify about Him. For the past years, I have kept muted in sharing the gospel.. I was too insecure and shy and embarrassed to even speak about Him and my religion. I can't explain to my friends why I don't eat pork, why I don't use jewelries, or why I even attend Sabbath. Sad fact is, I usually get swayed by reckless YES to peer pressure, that I took Sabbath for granted.

Not until this summer vacation was I shaken in my present spiritual state. I was too focused on academics, too focused on trying to please everybody that I've forgotten the real deal. It's always for the Lord, not for our own recognition. As it is written, "Whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it for the glory of the Lord." (1 Corinthians 10:31)

We have been called to stand as His witnesses. All around me, I've seen hardened hearts, unwilling to accept God.. but if one is just willing to reach out to them... to invite them to a simple seminar... you will see how God works in mysterious ways.

The first entry to this inspiring journey took place in Bacolod, when I attended the Youth Alive, Drug-Free Life one-week event in CPAC. There, God used this girl to plant seeds of inspiration within our hearts. Through her, being as a roommate as well, we were enlightened and energized to take part... to be part... to reconnect strongly with God.

Second one, it took place a week after we returned home from Bacolod - our district's retreat entitled 'Reaching UP, Reaching ACROSS and Reaching OUT. There, God used Pastor Orbe, Jr. to instill in our minds values and reminders we tend to forget, especially the two powerful instruments in this fast-paced world: Reading the Scriptures and Praying unceasingly. His powerful words shook my entire being... since at that time, I've started reading the Bible with much gusto and divine guidance. God used Him there and then to push me deeper into loving God, into reliving my relationship with Him.

Third one, was Vacation Bible School, where I led with three churchmates, as we conducted the two-week event, with much readiness and excitement to teach the kids about Jesus. Watching the video during the graduation day got me teary-eyed, I've never felt that before.. that overwhelming feeling of being able to serve God through teaching these kids. Before, it's just a rush... just an obligation but this summer, it was more than that. It was more of a worthy mission, a goal of leading this young lives closer to their Maker.

Fourth step to the journey was our church one-week crusade, where I became involved as well. This activity coincided with the VBS and the early serenading in different homes. The theme is 'Paglapit kay Kristo' (Becoming Closer to Christ)... and each night, I was truly blessed by the messages, as God used another man, Joe King Tamon who has become a good friend since then. Through him, the messages have been delivered, the seed of stronger belief and renewal have been planted in our hears, in my heart. And through that, I was geared up for the major Hope Channel crusade in Bayanan the coming week after that.

Before we ventured to the crusade, I traveled to General Trias, since I was requested to be their guest speaker, during their banquet. And when I was starting to speak, the decorating panel on my left was pushed down by the wind... and later on, the LCD screen on my right fell down as well... as rain slowly drizzled. But, I kept on speaking.. for I strongly believe what I was about to say that very night will inspire those youth. Even if I'm stranger to them and honestly not good in speaking in Filipino, will you believe me if I told you I spoke almost straight Tagalog without buckling... and delivered my message even with just one messy practice of my slideshow. Truly, you can do all things when the Holy Spirit fills you and you let Him use you for God's work.

And yes, the fifth step to my spiritual journey was the district crusade in Bayanan, where almost 20 souls were baptized at the culminating activity. Despite being physically exhausted in the middle of the week, I kept on, for the Lord continually gave me strength so that I can serve Him throughout that week. Health and home topics were discussed and I can see in the people's eyes how much they are blessed, despite the different obstacles in the first two days of the crusade. But God is beyond powerful, prayers were voiced out and the crusade was done with much success and glorification to the Lord.

After that, I was asked as speaker for Camella Church's VBS and I was just as eager to speak to the kids... it's a way to lead them to Christ, so I didn't say NO to the offer. I genuinely agreed and on that afternoon, seeing those kids listen and respond, made me feel so lucky, God chose me to do that simple mission for Him that very hour.

So much experiences, I can't count anymore how much I'm grateful. And just recently, I couldn't ask for more with a defining moment to come.. when the Hiking-Retreat of our district youth is pushed through despite the obstacles that arrived before the date. But God is good, amidst the tears, He let me open a random verse which actually empowered me not to lose hope but believe in Him, without doubts. And sure He did make a way... through our district Pastor's help, who led this event, CLIMB: One Strong Empowerment. C

Climbing Mount Talamitam was sure not easy... but the journey to the top gave us so much things to reflect upon, so many lessons learnt and to be applied in our young lives. Even the humble retreat that we had after descending from Mt. Talamitam, proved so inspiring, that the very last hour of the retreat, I spoke up and was into tears. I've never been so shaken, so torn.. that I'm completely pushed to the brink of not wanting to continue Medicine. Sabbath classes this second year was not too much of an issue before this summer... but after everything that has happened to me, I was truly confused. What our Pastor said, about the 'enemy' doing all things' to distract you especially when you're enroute to serve the Lord is really applicable to me right now. I'm so much enjoying serving God.. that the 'enemy' is now using my dream course to take me away from it. When in fact, I want to be a doctor for His service...and decisions have never been this complicated in my life.

But I'm not regretting anything... my love for the Lord has always been there.. but it has been so much bigger now, I'm just overwhelmed by His goodness and mercy. I've never felt this free and happy that I get to serve Him, not thinking about my handicaps nor differences... but just focusing on being able to use my talents to glorify Him.

I felt like I'm truly a different ME, and I hope I can continually persevere in my faith.. and truly be used for God's work, because I'll be ready and willing to do so.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY...~