CHECK THE FUTURE.

DESTINY

Fate or destiny, whatever you call it, most people believe on that. That mere idea of meeting someone, as if the said incidence is planned by the Higher powers, it's a purpose driven by power of fate, as they say. It's like  thread connects two persons, and whatever happens, they will meet one day. Every scene in one's life leads to another, as if a certain hidden purpose works its way to make things happen as it is planned. As if you're destined to make this happen, as if it's your destiny to meet this special someone in your life.

[Just one funny event... rare but it just fall in th right places.. as if fated. I'm playing Tiny Towers in my Itouch... and the game has this special Facebook like part wherein the mini pixel characters living in my tower can post their statuses (of course pre-programmed already in the game). But imagine my shock, when I decided to open a can of Cheez Curls, even asking my mom for permission, something unexpected happened. At that time, I was even saying that I'll probably finish everything off because I like it. After that I checked my game again to re-stock the products of each floor, when I decided to check the Bitbook (FB-like app in the game). I read this latest status of one character, expressing his fondness for Cheez Curls. I actually re-read the status if I'm reading it right, while looking at the can of Cheez Curls in front of me. Funny though, I have been playing game for so long, it's the first time that status appeared. Most of the statuses shown kept on repeating themselves... but this one, it just happened right there and then that I'm also eating Cheez Curls. Wow!]

But, it's rather sad if people just let the destiny do its work and not work for it anymore. I believe that, it's not just fate or destiny that puts us to where we are, it's our own desire and perseverance, toiling our way to achieve whatever we want to achieve. It's not just waiting for the apple to fall from its branch, or waiting for the sun to rise or set, without doing anything worthwhile.

DREAMS

I love it when I dream of good dreams, but freak out so much when it's either scary or mind-boggling. I remember two memorable scary dreams I had, that I had to be awakened by my Dad forcefully because I was crying so hard. Also, there was this one time, just this month where I literally screamed out loud... that Dad rushed to my bedroom and woke me up. I thought the dream was so real, but the reason why I was shouting was out of frustration, the mood that I was in, in that dream. But lately, my dreams seemed to be real and seemed to hold a special meaning... although I just can't figure them out. Are they just brought out by my hidden desire or wild imagination... or they hold a "futuristic message"... something that tells me about the future. If I try to remember well, there were moments in the scene that may have already happened to me.. not probably as similar as I saw it in my dream.. but something analogical. There was this one dream where I saw my "crush"... and I actually caught him looking at me. Days or weeks after that, there was this event that he was one of the players, and I was just one of the bystanders. I actually avoided looking at his direction.. but when I accidentally did.. he was looking at my direction.. not sure if really looking at me. I often wondered why it happened.. but it did. Just this morning, I had two dreams, but sadly they're not as vivid as I want to..as much as I've wanted to have written it fast on my journal upon waking up, I just wasn't able to. The first dream revolved about a stranger who seemed to be interested in me... and not only that, it's just not one guy.. it's probably a group I think who seemed to like me positively.. which in real life, is NOT happening. In the second dream, the people were familiar faces... and one guy who I know, joked around being my boyfriend when I teased about buying a boyfriend... instead of a new phone. Funny.. because that guy...I just recently liked him because of his good dancing skills.

Dunno what my future holds.. or if my dreams have some kind of "premonition" approach... I don't have any clue. But honestly, I often wonder if they do.

IMAGINATION

I have a wide imagination, I always say. Friends often get amused at my random monologues that would eventually spring up a story.. with my own made-up scenes and events. Probably, one reason why I love to write stories because it's an outlet for all these sort of thoughts brewing in my head. And one thing interesting for me.. is that most of these products of my imaginations get to be part of something officially being shown in televesion, or other media instruments. Like when I was imagining myself as a trainee in Korea who gets popular.. I wrote something about debuting a cameo role in a Korean drama entitled City Hunter, little did I know, days after that, I learned from the latest Korean showbiz news about a new drama entitled City Hunter, starring Lee Minho and Park Minyoung. And I was like... "Whoa". It's just one of those occurrences that I've encountered in my life. Apart from that, when I watch drama, may it be Filipino or foreign movies, I always tend to make up my own conclusions to what might happen... trying to put two and two together. I never did expect when I find out, the actual events in the drama are near close to what I just assumed. Awesome! That's why, I have this habit of being able to deduce the story events even though I miss out certain episodes, I still get the flow... even if you made me watch the episodes in the middle. I think, I'm just weird like that? Haha... but I'm enjoying it.

Everything I've said reminded me when I was doing this "premonition act" with my highschool classmates. I'd just touch their hand and whatever comes first in my mind, I try to make a feel of it.. and share whatever I see. It's actually a joke in the beginning with my best friend... but then she told me what I just created as "premonition scene" for her actually happened. So the word spread fast... and all my other classmates wanted their palms to be read.. when actually, I'm not reading anything. It's as if my mind's working on images that comes at once whenever I touch them. And funny but scary, most of what I told them happens. I actually stopped it... I was too scared to believe it, plus I believe more in God... and I don't have real power to even make premonitions. But it's just weird that whatever I think of most of the time.... it actually happens.. whenever I check the news... or surf the net.. there's something happening quite related with what just went through my mind. Oh well.

So many thoughts, but I have to sleep. Just want to let these out.. .Whew!

HEARTY UPDATE: SNOWMAN AND ME

I've never been too open with my hidden feelings for him. Only few knows the real score, only few who understands my real emotions towards him. I'm always scared of too many people discovering the truth, how I'm painstakingly denying the fact, that... most probably, I'm still liking him way too much.

It's a good thing, I think, that I don't see him that much compared to last year. It has been a year now since I accidentally fell for him, more than year when I met him for the first time... I can still remember those short memories I've spent with him, as a stranger, as an acquaintance, as a classmate, as a schoolmate... as a "supposedly-to-be-friend".

It's funny that our relationship comprises of inconsistent peaks, going up in rare moments, then going down most of the time. There were those times when we literally greet each other, where we acknowledge each other's presence. And most of the time, it was an ordeal, trying to find the courage to say a simple hello, or wave a little at him. And every rare moment I saw him with her... it's like one little pointed needle, pricking my heart deep and hard.

He is out of my league, I am sure of that. And I have to blame myself for losing my cool... and losing my confidence in just randomly greeting him. When in fact, we already know each other and it seems both of us have decided to just let go of that. He never did say hi to me again, and I am sure, it's because of me. The mere image I project towards him probably pushed him away... farther away from my reach. Yeah, such a good act on my part.

I kept on telling my roommate I have moved on, or rather, I AM MOVING ON. Moving on from what, you may ask, when we haven't been in any relationship? Moving on from hoping too much... that he's meant for me. Funny that I even thought of that, in the first place, I didn't put any effort to get closer to him. Or I've always known from the beginning there's no way he'll fall for me. Yes, that would be it. There's no way he will.

I am scared to really fall in love. Cases such as these are the reasons why. Liking someone then running away when he gets near, scared out of my wits, all because I'm way drowning in my pool of insecurities and fears. It's rather a good thing to find my own self first and learn to love me, all of me before letting go. If not, I'd probably be all broken when I fall and kept on falling in the end... without no one catching me.

I'm just happy actually because he liked a status in my Facebook wall which I just posted an hour ago. I'm actually surprised he did that, then I realized I liked a status of him minutes before he did that. So, I'm wondering if it's just an act of give-and-return relationship, or something like that. But still, I'm just glad... there were so many first time happenings that I've encountered when it comes to him. 

Mr. Snowman, thank you.

AYE, AYE CAPTAIN!

Being a leader is not an easy task. I'm sure I am not the only one who thinks that. Assuming such position requires a lot of perseverance, patience and commitment to do your part, as well as lead the pack. Like an Alpha, for the case of wolves, the others look up at you and listen to what you have to say. There's no room for doubts and uncertainty, you have to emanate such confidence that will make them put their trust in you. It's definitely hard, that's why, I always get this fear of taking such responsibility.

Yes, I have to say, I had experiences of being a leader, but all through those experiences, I have to say, most of the time, I fail in being a good one. I always lack something along the way, apart from failing to accomplish certain tasks, which just eventually made me more unsure of my capabilities. As much as I want to do my very best, there's always a niche for error, in my case.

Why am I ranting something about this? It's because I've just been elected the president for our district's youth federation, if you can call it that way. If you compare my participation before, I'm more active now compared to way back in my younger years. It's more like when I stepped onto college that I found my confidence in being part of the youth organization, to help with activities and bond with the youth. And now, I'm more of post-grad student, I tend to mingle more and have always been teased to be so hyper and talkative.

I can already feel the pressure. Yes, I have been there when two of my closes friends in the district were presidents. I have been part of their years leading the group, participating in activities, extending my help. But now, I'm definitely sure it's different. I'm not just behind the scenes anymore, I'm actually the one leading already - the one with the highest burden of making the last final decision, the carrying the torch with every advocate the group intends to start with. As much as I want to hide and step away from the limelight, there's no turning back. I don't know if they vote-slash-elected me out of confident that I can do it... or scared of being voted in the first place.. but I don't want to ruin their good image of me. I want to prove my worthiness of being casted in this position in the first place.

I still have my worries, I still have my fears, but I want to be brave enough to carry on God's will. If He intends me this, ever since, then I will faithfully follow. I'm tired of being too insecure and scared of my own troubles, I want to change for the better. I'm sure God believes in me, as much as these youth believe in me. I want to believe in myself and in my capabilities. I want to shed off my negative thoughts and focus on the upbringing of the best of each and every youth in the district. And also, to be closer to them as I hope to be.

I may lack in some ways, may it be physical or emotional-wise, but I won't learn to grow if I don't experience first-hand, right? So, God bless me and the youth federation as we head for another year. May we serve as good servants of the Lord, reaching to others and molding ourselves, as well, to be good and God-fearing Christians.

Good luck to me and the new council!

LET'S SET FORTH TO A NEW ADVENTURE!