iammisshaller

CHECK THE FUTURE.

2011-12-11T09:53:00.001-08:00

DESTINY

Fate or destiny, whatever you call it, most people believe on that. That mere idea of meeting someone, as if the said incidence is planned by the Higher powers, it's a purpose driven by power of fate, as they say. It's like thread connects two persons, and whatever happens, they will meet one day. Every scene in one's life leads to another, as if a certain hidden purpose works its way to make things happen as it is planned. As if you're destined to make this happen, as if it's your destiny to meet this special someone in your life.

[Just one funny event... rare but it just fall in th right places.. as if fated. I'm playing Tiny Towers in my Itouch... and the game has this special Facebook like part wherein the mini pixel characters living in my tower can post their statuses (of course pre-programmed already in the game). But imagine my shock, when I decided to open a can of Cheez Curls, even asking my mom for permission, something unexpected happened. At that time, I was even saying that I'll probably finish everything off because I like it. After that I checked my game again to re-stock the products of each floor, when I decided to check the Bitbook (FB-like app in the game). I read this latest status of one character, expressing his fondness for Cheez Curls. I actually re-read the status if I'm reading it right, while looking at the can of Cheez Curls in front of me. Funny though, I have been playing game for so long, it's the first time that status appeared. Most of the statuses shown kept on repeating themselves... but this one, it just happened right there and then that I'm also eating Cheez Curls. Wow!]

But, it's rather sad if people just let the destiny do its work and not work for it anymore. I believe that, it's not just fate or destiny that puts us to where we are, it's our own desire and perseverance, toiling our way to achieve whatever we want to achieve. It's not just waiting for the apple to fall from its branch, or waiting for the sun to rise or set, without doing anything worthwhile.

DREAMS

I love it when I dream of good dreams, but freak out so much when it's either scary or mind-boggling. I remember two memorable scary dreams I had, that I had to be awakened by my Dad forcefully because I was crying so hard. Also, there was this one time, just this month where I literally screamed out loud... that Dad rushed to my bedroom and woke me up. I thought the dream was so real, but the reason why I was shouting was out of frustration, the mood that I was in, in that dream. But lately, my dreams seemed to be real and seemed to hold a special meaning... although I just can't figure them out. Are they just brought out by my hidden desire or wild imagination... or they hold a "futuristic message"... something that tells me about the future. If I try to remember well, there were moments in the scene that may have already happened to me.. not probably as similar as I saw it in my dream.. but something analogical. There was this one dream where I saw my "crush"... and I actually caught him looking at me. Days or weeks after that, there was this event that he was one of the players, and I was just one of the bystanders. I actually avoided looking at his direction.. but when I accidentally did.. he was looking at my direction.. not sure if really looking at me. I often wondered why it happened.. but it did. Just this morning, I had two dreams, but sadly they're not as vivid as I want to..as much as I've wanted to have written it fast on my journal upon waking up, I just wasn't able to. The first dream revolved about a stranger who seemed to be interested in me... and not only that, it's just not one guy.. it's probably a group I think who seemed to like me positively.. which in real life, is NOT happening. In the second dream, the people were familiar faces... and one guy who I know, joked around being my boyfriend when I teased about buying a boyfriend... instead of a new phone. Funny.. because that guy...I just recently liked him because of his good dancing skills.

Dunno what my future holds.. or if my dreams have some kind of "premonition" approach... I don't have any clue. But honestly, I often wonder if they do.

IMAGINATION

I have a wide imagination, I always say. Friends often get amused at my random monologues that would eventually spring up a story.. with my own made-up scenes and events. Probably, one reason why I love to write stories because it's an outlet for all these sort of thoughts brewing in my head. And one thing interesting for me.. is that most of these products of my imaginations get to be part of something officially being shown in televesion, or other media instruments. Like when I was imagining myself as a trainee in Korea who gets popular.. I wrote something about debuting a cameo role in a Korean drama entitled City Hunter, little did I know, days after that, I learned from the latest Korean showbiz news about a new drama entitled City Hunter, starring Lee Minho and Park Minyoung. And I was like... "Whoa". It's just one of those occurrences that I've encountered in my life. Apart from that, when I watch drama, may it be Filipino or foreign movies, I always tend to make up my own conclusions to what might happen... trying to put two and two together. I never did expect when I find out, the actual events in the drama are near close to what I just assumed. Awesome! That's why, I have this habit of being able to deduce the story events even though I miss out certain episodes, I still get the flow... even if you made me watch the episodes in the middle. I think, I'm just weird like that? Haha... but I'm enjoying it.

Everything I've said reminded me when I was doing this "premonition act" with my highschool classmates. I'd just touch their hand and whatever comes first in my mind, I try to make a feel of it.. and share whatever I see. It's actually a joke in the beginning with my best friend... but then she told me what I just created as "premonition scene" for her actually happened. So the word spread fast... and all my other classmates wanted their palms to be read.. when actually, I'm not reading anything. It's as if my mind's working on images that comes at once whenever I touch them. And funny but scary, most of what I told them happens. I actually stopped it... I was too scared to believe it, plus I believe more in God... and I don't have real power to even make premonitions. But it's just weird that whatever I think of most of the time.... it actually happens.. whenever I check the news... or surf the net.. there's something happening quite related with what just went through my mind. Oh well.

So many thoughts, but I have to sleep. Just want to let these out.. .Whew!

HEARTY UPDATE: SNOWMAN AND ME

2011-12-04T09:22:00.001-08:00

I've never been too open with my hidden feelings for him. Only few knows the real score, only few who understands my real emotions towards him. I'm always scared of too many people discovering the truth, how I'm painstakingly denying the fact, that... most probably, I'm still liking him way too much.

It's a good thing, I think, that I don't see him that much compared to last year. It has been a year now since I accidentally fell for him, more than year when I met him for the first time... I can still remember those short memories I've spent with him, as a stranger, as an acquaintance, as a classmate, as a schoolmate... as a "supposedly-to-be-friend".

It's funny that our relationship comprises of inconsistent peaks, going up in rare moments, then going down most of the time. There were those times when we literally greet each other, where we acknowledge each other's presence. And most of the time, it was an ordeal, trying to find the courage to say a simple hello, or wave a little at him. And every rare moment I saw him with her... it's like one little pointed needle, pricking my heart deep and hard.

He is out of my league, I am sure of that. And I have to blame myself for losing my cool... and losing my confidence in just randomly greeting him. When in fact, we already know each other and it seems both of us have decided to just let go of that. He never did say hi to me again, and I am sure, it's because of me. The mere image I project towards him probably pushed him away... farther away from my reach. Yeah, such a good act on my part.

I kept on telling my roommate I have moved on, or rather, I AM MOVING ON. Moving on from what, you may ask, when we haven't been in any relationship? Moving on from hoping too much... that he's meant for me. Funny that I even thought of that, in the first place, I didn't put any effort to get closer to him. Or I've always known from the beginning there's no way he'll fall for me. Yes, that would be it. There's no way he will.

I am scared to really fall in love. Cases such as these are the reasons why. Liking someone then running away when he gets near, scared out of my wits, all because I'm way drowning in my pool of insecurities and fears. It's rather a good thing to find my own self first and learn to love me, all of me before letting go. If not, I'd probably be all broken when I fall and kept on falling in the end... without no one catching me.

I'm just happy actually because he liked a status in my Facebook wall which I just posted an hour ago. I'm actually surprised he did that, then I realized I liked a status of him minutes before he did that. So, I'm wondering if it's just an act of give-and-return relationship, or something like that. But still, I'm just glad... there were so many first time happenings that I've encountered when it comes to him.

Mr. Snowman, thank you.

AYE, AYE CAPTAIN!

2011-12-04T09:05:00.001-08:00

Being a leader is not an easy task. I'm sure I am not the only one who thinks that. Assuming such position requires a lot of perseverance, patience and commitment to do your part, as well as lead the pack. Like an Alpha, for the case of wolves, the others look up at you and listen to what you have to say. There's no room for doubts and uncertainty, you have to emanate such confidence that will make them put their trust in you. It's definitely hard, that's why, I always get this fear of taking such responsibility.

Yes, I have to say, I had experiences of being a leader, but all through those experiences, I have to say, most of the time, I fail in being a good one. I always lack something along the way, apart from failing to accomplish certain tasks, which just eventually made me more unsure of my capabilities. As much as I want to do my very best, there's always a niche for error, in my case.

Why am I ranting something about this? It's because I've just been elected the president for our district's youth federation, if you can call it that way. If you compare my participation before, I'm more active now compared to way back in my younger years. It's more like when I stepped onto college that I found my confidence in being part of the youth organization, to help with activities and bond with the youth. And now, I'm more of post-grad student, I tend to mingle more and have always been teased to be so hyper and talkative.

I can already feel the pressure. Yes, I have been there when two of my closes friends in the district were presidents. I have been part of their years leading the group, participating in activities, extending my help. But now, I'm definitely sure it's different. I'm not just behind the scenes anymore, I'm actually the one leading already - the one with the highest burden of making the last final decision, the carrying the torch with every advocate the group intends to start with. As much as I want to hide and step away from the limelight, there's no turning back. I don't know if they vote-slash-elected me out of confident that I can do it... or scared of being voted in the first place.. but I don't want to ruin their good image of me. I want to prove my worthiness of being casted in this position in the first place.

I still have my worries, I still have my fears, but I want to be brave enough to carry on God's will. If He intends me this, ever since, then I will faithfully follow. I'm tired of being too insecure and scared of my own troubles, I want to change for the better. I'm sure God believes in me, as much as these youth believe in me. I want to believe in myself and in my capabilities. I want to shed off my negative thoughts and focus on the upbringing of the best of each and every youth in the district. And also, to be closer to them as I hope to be.

I may lack in some ways, may it be physical or emotional-wise, but I won't learn to grow if I don't experience first-hand, right? So, God bless me and the youth federation as we head for another year. May we serve as good servants of the Lord, reaching to others and molding ourselves, as well, to be good and God-fearing Christians.

Good luck to me and the new council!

LET'S SET FORTH TO A NEW ADVENTURE!

MR. GENTLEMAN and MS. SENSITIVE

2011-11-23T06:30:00.001-08:00

Amidst life of an irregular medical student, I still realize time is never to be wasted upon doing nothing. If better, I should be engaged in doing something, may it be inclined in academics (which is much, much better) or other stuff, like recreational or random interests at one point in time. But the real deal is, I always find myself either busy or wanting time to lengthen for a bit, just to give enough chance to finish something, like reading a chapter in Guyton. In such a hurry, one might think I don't notice everything else around me. Actually, it's the opposite. That very moment of being on a jeepney ride or an elevator, escalator or a van, gives me the chance to think, to ponder over random things on my head... or look at the passing scenery along the road, or at few times, glance at a cute little kid sitting beside her mommy. It becomes a relief, something that allows me to leave the toxic world for a while and just relax my mind. I try to be more positive in life, despite being a repeater, in the first place, to try plastering a real smile on my face, something that will get me by and beyond the rambling insecurities and gloominess of my depressed heart.

Yes. I am a sensitive person. Despite being talkative and too cheerful whenever I'm with close friends, I tend to be unapproachable when I'm walking alone, on the street or just across the medical building's hallway. I always overthink. What if it's not good to smile at him, when we haven't really been introduced properly? What if she thinks I'm assuming too much on the level of our friendship? Am I too possessive that she likes to be away from me during the day? Things like that go over my head and seriously, these thoughts will literally choke me for the rest of the day that I eventually end up being moody. That's how sensitive I can be. I tend to feel suddenly left alone... and I'll assume the worst from it. Maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why I don't belong... why I'm just like a passing drifter, never sticking to one group, never really belonging to a tight clique.

But between my inner shell of sensitivity and clashing worlds of medical school and reality, there lies that zone... where I still find something to make me think more. As if being a medical student is not nerve-wracking enough to use my brain, like in laboratory conferences, for an instance. Just yesterday, I left the dorm for my afternoon class, and unfortunately the weather was not really nice. It was raining hard, plus the wind was definitely strong, that it can rip my umbrella apart if I'm not careful enough. So, I stood at the streetside and waited for a jeepney that will take me to the university. To make the introduction short, I saw the jeepney and took the ride. Making my way towards the jeepney was already a fail. I forgot to open my umbrella so I got shock when I walked from the shed and across the street. And just when I wanted to open the umbrella, the wind forced it close, so I got too focused on opening it again. A horn blared and I realized I'm standing still in the middle of the street and a jeepney is already towards me. Trying to save myself, I slipped in the middle of that small distance between the two jeepneys just to get inside one of them. To make matters worse, just when I think I'm already safe, while inside the jeepney, I tried to look for a vacant seat, but the driver suddenly geared the jeepney forward, so I unfortunately succumbed to inertia. You know the feeling of being helpless and your weight just got sucked in downwards (thanks gravity!). Good heavens, someone supported me and it was a guy wearing all black. I was literally shocked and so embarrassed. Finally I got my seat which was across this guy who was my "lifesaver"... I don't know if I was able to really say thank you properly, though. That's when I realize, a gentleman is in front of me. And oh boy, a gentleman still exists. I felt like the luckiest girl in the planet, or just make it in that jeepney for discovering someone like him. I felt like in this world, in this recent time, only few gentleman exist. And I'm just very grateful, he was there when I had an unfortunate incident. So glad.

Thank you, Mr. Gentleman-in-Black, you literally saved a damsel in distress. Cheers!

WALK BACK IN ELBI

2011-11-17T23:01:00.001-08:00

Wow, so it has been more than a week since I updated this blog. But anyways, I had a tiring moment yesterday, since I went to LB, Laguna to get some needed documents. You see, I just learnt last semester that I was lacking some important files, according to the Medicine office. As much as I want to insist that I've already passed those files, I have no choice but to request again from my college (UPLB), don't forget pay for them again. I actually already went there to request for it, two weeks ago... and finally, went back yesterday to get them.

It was a long travel, for the fact that I left the house near lunch time, since I woke up late and my pace was slow for my usual self. The travel took so long, not what I was hoping it will be, but nevertheless, I finally arrived in the campus after almost 3 hours. I felt so haggard with the sun-and-rain weird weather also taking its toll on us, the passengers along the way. Thank God, my "inaanak" from my college organization got stuck up with some paper works, so she did something to pass by the time, waiting for me. We planned to have lunch together, but unfortunately, our 1pm schedule got fast-tracked to a super late lunch meal... at 3 in the afternoon.

There are so many fancy and awesome diners-slash-restaurant-and-cheap-food shops in LB... that back in my college days, I rarely go to them. I mostly go to the usual fast food (McDonald's and KFC)... and in my favorite cozy carinderia, just across the alleyway that leads to the apartment unit that I used to stay back then. Going back to LB brings back so many odd memories... of me, most of the time... alone. Funny. I'm actually not a fan of going out, but I mostly do it with my orgmates Aryani and Lauren, who were also neighbors back then. But most of the time, I usually sulk inside my apartment unit, I feel more comfortable. Plus, I'm not also a food voyer back then, unlike now who wants to try anything that I set my eyes and curiosity into.

But there's this one store that I still remember, I used to eat once or twice there back then. Since I'm very much into Korean food, especially maki rolls, I suggested to Tammy, my "inaanak" that we grabbed our late lunch there. I actually learnt the day before that the shop re-opened up in new place, second floor of the Anker's building.. the one where the bustling Boston Cafe is famous to be located in the ground floor, the place where we stayed most of the time during Physiology's research paper works. That coffee shop that had me "seriously sick" of frappes after one week of being there.. and ordering time and time again, but I had no problem of the place, it's cozy and is a wifi hotspot.

Tammy ordered a combo, I forgot to check out the name and also failed to get a snapshot, but it had tonkatsu in there, and a colorful kani salad. It looks good to me. For my case, I decided to have a bowl of chicken teriyaki and a plate of tekka maki rolls. As much as I want to get California maki, I can't since I'm not allowed to eat seafood (well except fish, due to religious beliefs)... so I intentionally ordered the tuna rolls.

CHICKEN TERIYAKI

TEKKA MAKI

I really had a nice full tummy after that delicious well, I couldn't ask for more. Even if it's a simple-looking meal, I didn't regret choosing to eat there. Plus, I didn't spend so much, despite ordering such type of meals... which are really more expensive when I buy in my favorite Asian restaurant back here in Manila. I had a nice "short visit" in LB, apart from seeing few of my fellow orgmates in our tambayan.. in Wing A of the IBS Building.

Add-ons:

The day before my visit to Elbi, I went back home with my Dad right after his "own office hours". Since I miss taking photos as of late, I think Madame Fenk (my digital camera), if she's a real person, she's probably pissed off at me for not hanging out with her anymore. So, due to that, I experimented with my iTouch's latest camera-app. - something called Leme, and decided to take some shots. Although I'm no official expertise on this field, I still love taking pictures, especially my favorite subjects - my cats, street lights and clouds, oh and food too. So, here's few of those experimental shots.

STREET LIGHTS [along Macapagal Avenue]

MY PHOTOGENIC CAT, LAX

MY FAVORITE MODEL

So, before I end this post, here's me, a snapshot while being the first passenger "alone" in the Alabang-Lawton bus. Yeah, forgive me for the uneven eyebags, haha! The red hue is not due to camea effects, it's thanks to the red curtain, creating that kind of ambience and color in this photo. Haha.

MANILA-BOUND

CLOTHES-HUNTER

2011-11-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

I become a little knowledgeable about the world of clothes, bags and even shoes when I entered college. Before that, I'm always okay with wearing a loose shirt and jogging pants when there's a practice event in school. Even back in church, I mostly wear unflattering large blouse and denim long skirt. Since the university I was enrolled then has no uniform policy, I was forced to buy clothes for me to wear - acceptable clothes. Since then, I've become enlightened with wearing what I think suits me best and until now, I've been more courageous with trying and mixing stuff to wear in church or to other events (since med school has uniform). One thing I noticed... I prefer wearing shorts back in college... but lately, I'm also enjoying wearing pants although I only got 2 that I am comfortable wearing. How sad is that?

One might say that branded clothes are better, scouting the malls for the best looking dress or blouse or pants to wear. But in my part, I'm actually satisfied with wearing even if it's not from a well-known brand, as long as the material is okay, the sewn details are tight and I look good at it. When I buy clothes, I always think of options... like "what I can partner it with?", "what look will best suit wearing this".. and so on and on. I mostly buy new clothes on a monthly basis or if there's a special event.

But I'm more inclined to scouting my favorite ukay-ukay store to look for the cheap clothes that still look new (like checking the condition before buying). Plus, I buy clothes that for me have unique pieces incorporated in the look, not those same looks that I also encounter in the malls. So, here's some of them that I have bought and am happy with.

The sparkling black ribbon and sleeves caught my eye on this one...I like the details of the blouse.

The mere fact that it is black and white plus cat print all over wins my attention.

LBD - the lacy zigzag see-through pattern on the upper half of the dress makes it classy with a touch of vintage.

Yes, no question about it... the zebra on both front and back in this long dress is win-win for me.

I actually bought it week before dance practice started this year.. it's cozy, poncho-like loose top with skulls-print.

What actually triggered me to buy this is that cute dainty ribbon, a pretty attraction for a plain sheer grey top. Plus, it can be an put over your beach bikini as a sexy cover-up, right?

I don't wear it that much often, I'm wearing for the cold season to really take its toll. It's comfy and long-sleeved, as well. The stars and good shade of blue caught my eye.

My dad is the least happy whenever he finds out that I bought another dress from the ukay-ukay store. He always tells me they're dirty. I for one actually clean them before wearing... put it in disinfection and laundry-clean stages. Also, I have a friend who is also not interested talking about curses and such. I don't know much about beliefs on ukay-ukay, but I only go to this one store which I trust, plus nothing happened bad.

It's actually fun to look at racks of clothes, may it be in ukay-ukay store or in the nearest shopping mall, especially during sale. There's nothing cool to grab an awesome dress with a discounted price, with your student budget, right?

DETACHED

2011-10-15T23:33:00.000-07:00

Azul, the blue lovebird died this morning. That was the first news that woke me up earlier today. If I can remember it clearly, I saw the bird's head hanging on the plastic thread that is draped above the cage. It's sad to see such a scene.

The first thought the came to my mind is ... "poor bird". He probably suffered from suffocation before dying. My mom even commented that the bird committed suicide. It's such a cruel fate and we're at fault as well. We let that plastic thread hang on the cage and be played by the birds that it ended becoming the reason of the death of one of them. Such a careless act on our part that caused a life.

The second thought that came to mind is ... "what will happen to his partner?". I've been observing Sol, the yellow bird that is now residing alone in their cage. She seemed anxious all the time, staying in the lower part of the cage, head leaning against the railings of the cage. Most of the time, she kept on chirping. I felt lonely for her, to be left alone out of the blue.

Funny though, the situation made me realize that being lonely is not a happy situation to be. My brother even commented about Sol's situation.

"Kawawa naman siya. Wala na siya kasabay kumain, uminom. Wala na siya kasama."

(Poor bird, she doesn't have any companion anymore while eating and drinking. She's alone now.)

True. I've never liked being alone, although most of the time, I do that. I always assure myself this is better, I can do things without being distracted. But at the end, I crave for a companion, I crave for someone to spend the afternoon with me, or accompany me some place I want to go and have fun.

Last night, I got this chance to watch this korean comedy-drama in KBS, entitled "He Who Can't Marry". [KBS 2009]

It's about a man who is a stubborn man in his forties that is insistent on not planning to marry. Plus, his personality makes him not an ideal candidate for women finding their husband-to-be. Although despite his flaws, he's perfect in his work as an accomplished architect. On the other hand, here comes a doctor who is also single, but unlike this man, wants to find the perfect guy to get married to, but haven't found him. It's enlightening when you listen to the characters' lines, how clashing they can be. And I thought, "wow, who would I be like when I come around that age?". Will I be still single and still on a lookout for that perfect man? Or would I be like Cho Jae Hee that believes it depends on your view in life... that you can be happy even being single. You don't spend too much money since you don't have a wife and kids to take care of.

I don't think I can survive until old age being single. I think God created man and woman to live in companionship. No man is an island, there's a popular saying that goes like that. I hope Sol, our yellow bird won't be too lonely, or if possible will have a companion soon so she won't be too sad without someone to chirp with, to eat with or to even play around, especially at this time, I think she and Azul are pretty closer than before.

And I hope too, I won't be single for the rest of my life. I'm happy being single as of now, but in my point of view, I still want to have my own family someday.

HOT WATERS

2011-10-07T21:07:00.001-07:00

Someone had the nerve to throw a bucket of hot water on our dogs. Yeah. Imagine my horror when my brother greeted me a rather somber expression when I woke up.

"Ate, tingnan mo si Chummy." (Sis, go check out Chummy.) I suddenly felt scared, wondering what's worst could I see. Upon chccking out our backyard, lo and behold, my dog whimpering. It's not what caught my eye, but the large patches of burnt skin on her left side of the body. I can't imagine posting a photo of her, despite wanting to, just to show you how cruel sight it was. I panicked, so much, I don't know what to do first. I didn't take a bath, sent text messages to my dad and to a friend who has vehicle, hoping she'll take me to the clinic fast. Sadly, she's not replying yet and my dad wanted us to take Chummy after church service. No way, no way will I let Chummy wait with blood oozing from the burnt patch of skin. Writing this provokes me to cry, it's so painful seeing that in your dog, seeing how much pain she's going through. Her mother Res is unusually loud, barking, trying to get our attention. My brother thought she was just hungry, but they were already fed last night, and I though they're full. But I think, she's also panicking for her daughter and probably trying to tell me via dog language... that something bad indeed happened.

So, I hurriedly asked my brother to fetch a tricycle so that I can travel faster to the nearest veterinary clinic. The assistant and the two customers who were there were surprised when they see me carrying my dog, seeing those burnt patches all over her left body. Yeah, I can feel for them, what more me who is a family. She felt so weak in my arms, cozying up closer to me as I placed her on the clinic desk. I'm proud she got the injections without so much fuss but it still pains me to see she's really not enjoying it. The sight of her in that condition strikes a nerve, I just want to get out and take revenge to whoever did this to her. Although I haven't been that hands-on in taking care of her, since I'm not always at home, she's still close to my heart. I've wanted to take care of her myself back in college, but the apartment where I'm in has rules, so I had to take her back home.

I hope other dogs won't have this fate like my dog. How I wish I could catch whoever is the culprit behind this. My dog is not even prowling around the community, she's just in the lot behind our house, around close perimeter. So why the heck? What is that person's problem to even THINK of throwing that boiling water over our dogs. No way is that accidental, no way! I have an idea who that person could be, but I don't want to fall into false accusation. I just let it all to God and prayed for our dogs' recover, especially Chummy.

P.S.

It's BOILING WATER. No way will that happen if it's just plain warm water. My dog's freaking burnt. It's like she got burnt by fire. Karma's a bitch, but I'll just let life take its toll on whoever that culprit is, whatever his/her punishment will be for such cruel action.

THE COMPOSER

2011-10-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

Music is my escape from everything. Well, it used to be reading a romantic novel, all cuddled up in my bed, forgetting everything else around me. But since I get stuck up with reading nothing except medical books and transes, I seek refuge from the stress by listening to a song, may it be gospel or some cheesy love song. In the end, I always feel much better.

But actually, it's not merely music that drives me away from insanity. It's mostly God who speaks to me through those soulful lyrics, like from a favorite church hymn I sing. It is Him who transcends His voice in me through the wonderfully written lyrics that strengthen me each day. When I miss reading the Bible, I end up listening to music instead. The words give me divine inspiration and mostly, a warm guiding pat on my back.

True enough, I've been exposed to gospel music since time can tell. Actually, I grew up listening to them and just got exposed to secular music when I reached the sixth grade in elementary. I sing secular now, not to mention those K-pop faves of mine, but I also love gospel songs. And beyond that, I love composing songs.

The problem lies in not being "talented enough" to incorporate my composition with an instrument. So, what I mean to say, is I compose song right from scratch, my own lyrics with my own melody in an instant, without any guidance of a piano or guitar accompaniment. It would have been better if I can, too, so I'd be like Taylor Swift or something. I'm not into being a famous girl, I just want to have the chance to voice out my words in music. But despite that, it didn't stop me from composing with own capabilities.

Honestly, I feel so accomplished today. The other night, I was up late but ended up composing a gospel song. The lyrics are not originally written by me, but by David, author of the book of Psalms. Yes, my song is divinely inspired by the Bible. That moment felt surreal, the melody just came out of my voice and it's somehow overwhelming when I actually finished it. I am not a good singer so I'm so keen in having my church friend sing it for me. And when it happened this morning, it's beyond happiness. It's like my intimate connection with God just step up another notch, to be able to sing praises to Him. It's a gratifying pleasure, especially coming from me, who personally thinks I lack in so many things when it comes to communicating with Him.

Composing is one of my hobbies, aside from writing. It feels great when you think your works can have a chance to be voiced out, and in so doing, be used to glorify God. I want to be used by Him but I always end up being scared that I won't do okay.. that I will just fail in whatever mission He gives me.

But as my friend told me today, "this probably is one of God's purpose for me...". And yes, I'd gladly accept and will not second-thought of composing songs for Him and Him only.

By the way, I don't have any idea how to patent my original song and the songs to come. We like to come up with a collection so the songs can be sung by our district youth members as a choir one day. :)

Rambling thoughts on exams, pimples and more....

2011-09-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

This week has been a toxic week for me even if my TWO examinations were postponed for next week. Thank Typhoon pedring for the two consecutive days with suspended classes.

For four days straight, I have been reading and reading and reading and reading ... only taking time to rest during meals and short naps and a somewhat good night rest. I have an easier case compared with my roommate who is still taking examinations until Saturday and next week, as well. She has been endlessly hovering her eyes on numerous handouts of different topics under different subjects. Imagine how her brain and eyes and her body are faring! I commend her hardworking spirit, so I am kind of influenced by her. I was also stuck on my chair, reading and reviewing for Renal physiology. I am still not done, actually, there is more to review, but I decided to take a break. But I have to say, thank goodness I love reading and writing, so I still get by. It feels good when you understand things more when you reread them. I just hope I remember most of what I have read for the examination next week! And seriously, reading topics on Renal for the past days, did something to my usual bathroom break routine! I have been going back to the bathroom in a much shorter period in between, even though I have not drank that much water. Hmm!

Aside from reading, I have been doing a new regime for my facial care. I visited a derma clinic last week, hoping to get some positive help for my existent facial problems, like pimples. She gave me few stuff to try, plus reminders of avoiding certain products. I do not know if it is actually working, since my pimples are still here... on my face. But when I observe my face, I think there is somewhat changes, but I am not sure. I have to check it with the dermatologist to see if it is really effective for me. Having pimples is such a sensitive issue for me since I have been having a hard time controlling it, they just come and go, whether I am stressed or just having my monthly menstrual flow. I just want to be bit prettier, if it is not too much to ask. Do not even start with my pair of eyebags, they are there ever since!

Apart from the academic and physical issues of my life, my social life is not in its highest level. I do not have a boyfriend, so let us put an X mark on the love life box and move on. Me and Ate L have decided to go for a weekend trip in Subic this October. We have been planning on it earlier this year, but it just did not push through. Out of excitement to have our close friends to join, news reached me that their families want to join in the fun, since my parents are going with us. If only we have our own car, we can have the trip with just us girls, but nevertheless, I do not know what is supposed to happen next. I should probably talk to my Dad about this, if we are still pushing through since the number of people joining has increased! I just hope I can have a fun weekend trip this semestral break.

It is close to the end of the first semester, my first semester as an irregular medical student. Until now, I still feel embarrassed but have learned to accept it, since I am first and foremost, the one at fault. There have been so many what ifs that have scoured my mind every time I see the Second Year students, my once upon a time batchmates, but ended up to be my Upper Year schoolmates. Nevertheless, I will not give up, even if my brain is stuck up on a certain Acid Base chapter discussion, I will still move on.

There is no harm trying my best...at least, there will be no regrets from now on.

Fighting!

MOVIE REVIEW AND A DOSE OF SELF-INSECURITIES

2011-09-25T05:34:00.000-07:00

So, this movie is like released a year ago and I just WATCHED it today. Yeah. But anyways, this movie is beyond hilarious and heartwarming, at the same time. It sparked something in me, something I honestly connected with the character's personal stories.

MOVIE REVIEW:

I love the concept of the story itself. It's not fictional, it actually happens in reality. Whether we deny it, it happens. Such scenes are in fact, may have happened once in our life - being bullied, difficulty in letting go of the shadows of the past, messing up, trying to give others a second chance... and the thing that I'm most guilty of .. being insecure.

The movie has the right tone, the perfect actresses and actors to play each character with such finesse and humor, the light drama but at the same, direct to the point. I enjoyed every second of watching it. There's a fine line of lesson to learn from, something people tend to forget, tend to take for granted.

Mistakes help us learn. What's done in the past is IN the past. If we can't let go from it, it will just haunt us forever. But most of the times, those shadows of the past actually strengthened us to do our best, to step up to the challenge and be better. Life is not perfect. People are not flawless, we're just "humans". Yet, to forgive and forget is the special key for a lifelong success and happiness.

PERSONAL VIEW:

As the movie ended, I didn't quite yet absorb the essence of the story. Well, I did understand its role in the characters' lives, but in mine, I didn't think much over it... just yet. But due to unforeseen circumstance that left me crying helplessly inside my room, everything suddenly connected and made sense. So much sense.

Back in high school, I was one of the "honor students". You know those type of students praised for their academic excellence, thought to have a very good future ahead of them. I lived in the pedestal of my hard work and my eagerness to pass every examination... to make my parents proud. You might think I'm THAT popular, but no. If I were, I could've a boyfriend or a clique of friends who will last until this very moment.

I wasn't the bullied geek, but more or less the girl that people enjoyed "hanging" out with. To joke around, to tease lightly, to plainly have fun with. And nothing more. I'm never the one guys think of as "serious" except when it comes to studying. I can remember the term used by one of my high school classmates... "I'm the stuff toy". How can I be complimented with that? I laugh out all my insecurities and worries, but inside, I felt jealous of those other people who people always look for, always want to invite to gatherings.

Being not pretty and handicapped didn't make it better for the coming days, as I entered college and even now, in medicine. I always felt like what I do is never enough.

How could I not? Imagine, me trying to do my best, be good in something, but still be less appreciated. To see other people garner much interest and fame makes me feel sickeningly jealous. Yes, I am so insecure of myself.

Every time I look at the mirror, I felt pathetic.

Every time I see myself in the middle of a crowd, I felt so left out.

I'm still in this place where I can't even feel so accomplished. I felt like all my efforts are not good enough, still not good enough.... still not good enough.

I'm so afraid to meet people from my past. Will they be so disappointed in me? I've seen those looks in people before, those looks that made me feel I'm so ugly, I'm so incomplete, I'm so pathetic.

That it makes me so scared to even try... to even feel like I'm pretty.

I also want to have a happy ending one day, a happy ending with someone who loves me, with people who accept and appreciate me... people who will never leave me hanging.

I've been like this for the past years of my life. I want to let go but still can't. I want to be happy but I'm never been a hundred percent happy. I just want to live my life to the fullest but still, I am damn afraid.

NOTES:

I recommend that you watch YOU AGAIN if you haven't watch it yet. It's fun, light, with the right touch of drama and action (yeah, you'll get it when you see it).

And I also recommend that you don't be like me. It's hard to let go of past insecurities and even shadows of past mistakes. Learn to let go soon and live life to the fullest.

PO4: REUNITED

2011-09-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

PO4 - name of our "group" [actually stands for Power of Four]

It has been months since we got together like this. I didn't expect that A and R will actually be there in the church. A didn't even tell me when I texted her the other night. But then again, I love good surprises and felt so happy seeing them again.

They're my close companions in church, someone who understand me well, someone who knows my limits and my strengths. I'm so happy to spend some quality time with them, even just for a short time. L is still a constant companion, but it's different if four of us are together.

So, after church services, we dived fast to taking photos. We just love that. Even though, our background isn't appealing as we hoped it would be, since we're located in the second floor of our church building (which is still in the making). But anyways, I had so much fun.

*photo spam in 4, 3, 2, 1.....*

Invisible

2011-09-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

I've never been in a normal relationship. To have a boyfriend who you can call or text, flirt and have fun with, be the best of friend you can rely on and the feel like the luckiest girl alive, walking down the streets, hand in hand. Tackling this issue is rather depressing, when in fact I'm one heck of an insecure girl who is just undeniably, a hopeless romantic. I've always dreamed of different scenarios I'd be with the guy I love, but nonetheless, none has ever turned up into reality.

I am not the type of girl who collects crushes, unless it's celebrity crush. I would probably have more than one, I admit. But when it comes to real crush, I'd spend most of the time just looking at a certain someone. That someone who not only caught my eyes, but also my heart off-guard. That special someone who will have no inkling whatsoever that there's this girl, silently watching him from afar.

Yeah and that girl would be me. The invisible girl. The wallpaper. I may be loud, happy-go-lucky but only few have determined my "heart" when it comes to assessing my real feelings for a guy. My closest church friend seemed to be afraid for me if I do enter a real relationship one day. She's scared that I might fall too hard and have a difficult time to come back up, if there will ever come a time that such relationship will come to a bitter end.

Right now, I'm in love with someone. He doesn't know. And I don't want him to know. I've learned from my few experiences that letting the person you like know about your feelings will push a friendship in an ugly state. I lost a close friend back in college because of that. The second time it happened, I'm lucky that we still talk now, this guy I fell in love with two years ago. I was just like any other hopeful girl, thinking she's the one who will change him for the better. But alas, I wasn't the girl meant for him, he's now in a happy relationship with someone and I'm genuinely happy for him.

And now, this current guy I'm in love with is actually taken. Yeah, I've always expected things like that to happen. I never learned. It's not a good deal to fall in love with guys way out of my league. He's not even my ideal type, I don't know what actually happened, I just realized that I like him. It ended in a rollercoaster ride of trying to get his attention to giving up, then to a sudden miraculous twist to our friendship then back again to nothing. It just feels weird that I still try to get close to him but I fearfully backed out whenever I see him with her. Seeing the girl whom I know actually fits her, they're a perfect pair. No one can deny that fact. It might be not that hard to accept, but inside of me, I want to just magically change into this prettier girl so I can have him. So that he will notice me.

Indeed, such jealousy is not good. I'm sure he doesn't even see more than an acquaintance, a passing time, a student he can just say hi and hello once in a while. Just like those other guys who have come and go in my life, no one ever looked at me beyond a fleeting glance for a stranger, a friend or an acquaintance. No one.

A nagging prick in my pathetic dignity, it's such a depressing thought. I just have this simple wish, that one day, someone will look at me specially. One day, I won't have this try-hard attitude to be happy, to be okay when I'm not, when all along, I just feel like I'm a withering flower in need of attention. It sucks to be an underdog, that whatever you do, you're always less appreciated than others. People will only see one-fourths of what you are, of who you are and that's it...

Maybe, I got too much of inconsistencies in my life right now. There's too much unsaid musings, fears, insecurities continually eating me alive... there's too much nagging thoughts I don't want to dwell with, truthfully.

To be loved and appreciated genuinely is all I ever wanted. To find that certain contentment in my heart is what I dream to achieve in time...

Hanbok, Renal Physiology and Eyebags

2011-09-12T11:07:00.001-07:00

There's so much going on in my life lately. Okay, scratch that... there's none. I'm just the same old lazy me who wasted the weekend sleeping instead of studying. And right now, I'm harvesting the fruits of my labor, I mean laziness and is studying past midnight. How inspiring is that. Well anyways, I decided to cool off my mind and put something worthwhile in my blog. Hmm, where to start?

HANBOK

Korea is celebrating its Chuseok holidays. I've become aware of it since I'm into K-pop and has been sighting the latest articles of Korean celebrities sending out their Chuseok greetings to the fans garbed in colorful hanbok wear. Ever since I've come across Korea (well, including Korean drama and music), I've always wanted to experience wearing hanbok. I don't know if that will happen anytime in the future, but nevertheless, I want to.

According to few articles I've read, Chuseok holiday is an autumn harvest festival that is Korean equivalent to Thanksgiving (which is famous in USA). If in America, it's turkey that is the main feast in Thanksgiving, one traditional food item prepared in Chuseok celebration is songpyeon, which is a half-moon rice cake.

If anyone reading here is Korean, then I want to greet you a heartwarming "Chuseok holiday greetings" to you and your family.

RENAL PHYSIOLOGY

As I've mentioned, I am studying, well supposed to be studying (but instead is "blogging"). I'm trying to understand Renal Physiology which is a topic that I honestly, don't like that much. Weird. Just an added information, I'm retaking Physiology, so that means, I'm supposedly read the chapters on this topic, but sadly, I didn't finish them too last year. That's why I am practically cramming. Yeah, you heard it right. It's as if I didn't learn anything from my mistakes.

Many would say, understanding how your urine is formed, how it is excreted and blah.. blah blah.. is easy, think again. It's not an easy feat to remember all the intricate details about your renal tubules where our urine is being diluted or concentrated depending on the situation. Let's just say, I'm not really good in understanding in one reading... and that is really a sad case for me. Oh well, I'd try to finish this chapter so I can move on to the next.

EYEBAGS

Well, I'm your girl with the panda eyes, I mean the notorious evident eyebags. There's no point hiding them, you'll clearly see them. I am always envious of those people who pull all-nighters whether it's for party or work and don't look as much stressed as I am with my pair of glorious dark circles.

Sleep is one thing. It's the key to either gain or lose those ugly set of eyebags, but for me, it ain't a luxury. And I just realize, these eyebags are making me uglier than I ever was and there's no point in feeling pretty when I'm not physically.

If you have the same problems as me, then we need to work on this issue. I've heard about natural treatment like placing thin slices of cucumber around the eye area. Or cold compress that can help relax and even out the tension in the eyes. I'd probably do that later, I hope I don't forget.

...

Life ain't fun without the fuzz and the buzz going on around. But for me, I'd go back to studying for now.

Cheers.

AFTERMATH

2011-09-10T05:18:00.000-07:00

Finally, the week is over, the weeks of practicing for our first dance performance for this school year has been a huge success. The crowd LOVED our finale performance, it is such an overwhelming feeling hearing their screams. Although a large percent cheered for Moi, one of the newest members who is an awesome dancer, as in, you really need to see her dance and you will just be dumbfounded.
But anyways, I felt bit bad since I think I messed up slightly with THAT dance move I was having a hard time doing, but nevertheless, my classmates and some friends said I did awesome! Oh yeah! One even was in disbelief when she saw me danced, she never knew I was that good. Aww, what a compliment...

It felt so good, to dance.. and when we did the last glance at the crowd and the music faded away, everyone just went wild and my heart was like ... soaring high. It is such an unforgettable evening and the friendships I have made along the way.

Sad though, I will be practicing with them right after semestral break so that will be one or two months from now. I hope I would not gain much weight since I think I lost a bit.. yeah, just a bit with all the sweat I have perspired from all the practice. Hoho.

Before I forgot, the day after the awesome evening of our performance, we had basketball game. We were only five, yes, so that means, I played from first to the last quarter. I almost died out of exhaustion, they were bit concerned if I can still make it through. And despite all that, I managed to get a lay up point, oh yea. I suddenly remembered my time back in college, how nostalgic.

And the funny thing is, we even lost a player since she fouled out so the game ended with four of us playing and winning, yeah yeah! So much fun and exhausting all at the same time, but I am just happy we did it. Abi, the main player is beyond amazing...

Right now, my body is still kind of aching at some areas and I should be really studying. So, good night.

K-POP FEVER

2011-09-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

There have been so many happenings in my life for the past year. I'm sad though that I haven't "thought" of ranting them all out here. At least, I'd get to refresh my memories when I read them time and time again. But alas, no time for regrets so let's move on.

I am an irregular medical student. Boo hoo. But we'll talk about it next time. I'm not in the mood to dwell much in depression and disappointments. Let's talk about my latest addiction. Well, it's not really an addiction.. but maybe, it is.

I fell in love with the Korean pop music. Well, at first it was just purely POP, you know, those boy and girl dance groups singing and dancing at the same time. Then, in a steady development, I got deeper into knowing about them and fell in love with those other artists who sing ballad and not just pop. Plus, I searched the treasure islands (I mean K-pop blog sites) where I can search information, latest songs and fashion, and even news about my favorite artists.

So, in all honesty, I am a K-pop lover BUT not an official fan member of any fan club, though. I just can't pick one, that's why.

Continuing with what I am spazzing about, I'll offer you a list of some of those K-pop artists I just adore.. not just "physically" but more on "vocally". I'm that type of girl who craves for the vocal talent and not just the looks.

1. Daesung (Bigbang)

He started off as the underdog member of Bigbang since there have been negative comments that swarmed him, talks like "he's not as handsome as the other members". But ever since I discover Bigbang (which by the way is really really a popular and successful boy group since 2006), he quickly got my attention. There's something in his smile and his humor that seemed to pull you in. Plus, if you hear his voice, you'll just be blown away. He's not just a pop singer, he's good at trot, as well, and is acting. Although, there has been an incident that has pulled him back from the music scene, I just hope he'll recover and return back as a stronger person and will FINALLY perform and record a solo album (since the other members have done it already! YG, give him a chance!!!), I'm sure he'll just capture my heart.

2. GO (MBLAQ)

He emerged in the music scene as part of five-membered crew of MBLAQ under J.Tune Entertainment, which, by the way is headed by the superstar himself, RAIN. Kicking that aside (haha!), GO captured my attention with his "signature look", a mustache that seemed to have worked its magic to many fans. But he got rid of it with their second album and still wowed his female noona fans, nevertheless. Aside from being "hot" and physically fit (he can do the Nike move expertly), his vocals are amazing. His voice just seemed to rock you in a sweet lullaby as he sings a mellow love song or a good pick-me-upper when he sings a happy upbeat song with the other guys.

3. CL (2NE1)

2NE1 has become one of the outstanding K-pop artists in the music scene as of late, with their unique display of fashion, outstanding songs, crazy interesting music videos and explosive stage performances. No wonder, Blackjacks (official fan club) just can't get enough of their girls. My favorite song is I Don't Care, I'm just addicted to that song. But I'm more into is CL, the badass leader and mean rapper of the group. She just screams "total performer is on loose, baby" whenever she gets onstage or gets on screen for their music videos. She's a natural-born performer, she lives to perform and to make it more than a hundred percent good. I thought she's just good at rapping, not much in singing, but she got it in her. Her vocals is good and she knows how to express each song with such charisma, drama and creativity. So, hands down, Miss Chaerin!

4. Hyunseung (B2ST)

In all honesty, I just discovered about B2ST this year. And since then, I liked them, most especially Hyunseung. He is supposed to be a Bigbang member, but sadly got eliminated but find his way again to the music scene through Cube Entertainment as he became part of B2ST. Although vocal-wise, Yoseob is the one garnering much attention, I have to say, Hyunseung's got stable vocals, as well. It doesn't sound whiny or forced, I enjoy listening to him sing. Plus, I just adore his personality... he is something. He's not your normal, regular guy and I find it very irresistible.

5. Jiyoon (4Minute)

When 4Minute debuted, they were quickly compared to 2NE1. With all honesty, I kind of compared them but ended up liking them when I saw their music video for "What a Girl Wants". I love their adorable personalities, but recently, they go more for that "sexy look" appeal which works for them. She's one of my favorites in the group, her and Gayoon, since both of them are powerful vocalists. They can hit the high notes and still look so good, especially Jiyoon. She's more like the CL-type, you know, badass, sexy chic who can rap and sing.
...

There's so much more artists that I adore in the Korean music scene, as well as celebrities (actors/actresses), plus those variety shows that I just find hard not to watch. I hope you are interested in K-pop, but if not, oh well, I just hope you don't go bashing them or whatever. Haha. Peace.

The Return

2011-09-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

It has been ages since I've visited this first personal blog of mine and updated it with a noteworthy post. It's more than year already and here I am, already started with another blog. Yeah. Yeah. I apologize but that blog is somewhat more focused on another line of my career... DANCING.
If you're interested, do check it out here --> http://sayawdemedisina.blogspot.com

I would be so happy to hear comments from you guys. And I think it would be fun to post in here again..

So, yeah. I am back.

Annyeong!

of first year in med

2010-06-23T07:03:00.000-07:00

It was fun and toxic at the same time.
FUN, because I get to spend time with cozy people and the section I got to be included in are all nice people.
I mean, they're approachable despite that most of them are really "geniuses in their own rights", they are still "approachable".
TOXIC, because it's not as light as undergraduate studies...you are responsible of whatever's discussed and NOT discussed.
No more distinct spoon-feeding, well, aside from few of the professors, but mainly, you have to be always prepared for the worst.
Thankfully, I have good background of the subjects I am taking now, from my BS Biology days, esp. from my Major subjects.
Well, honestly, I can go with the flow but I am not THAT fast to explain stuff, unlike my other classmates (mostly guys).
Yung tipong pagtanong mo, kaya nilang mabigyan kaagad ng sagot.
It makes me feel inferior or somewhat stupid, in a sense.
But I still strive to know what they know, to know more than what they know, or to know more together with them.
I'm not up fo a competition, I'm in the medschool to learn and to be a good doctor for the sake of my future patients.

I don't want to be pressured just because I should not "taint" my family's name.
I will study well for my future, for my chosen career and for the big dreams I only dreamt childishly before.

Day 2-4 of Project 365

2010-05-27T03:27:00.000-07:00

Late posts. Oh well.
...
Day 2 - Jolie and me, Happy Together

An unexpected friend, someone like me who talks a lot, laughs a lot, crazy enough to talk to me. She's the daughter of my dad's distant cousin who is helping me with my medschool problems. She is really nice, a 12-year old who is very curious and mature at the same time. We actually played in SM Manila's amusement parks the entire afternoon last Tuesday.

Day 3 - Buns, buns, buns

My mom put up this food sale at home, aside from our regular sari-sari store. We sell burger and hotdog sandwiches, fruit shakes, kikiam, fishball and french fries. It's a reminder that summer has been filled with these kind of food every afternoon.

Day 4 - Kapatid

It's a snapshot of my brother overlooking the field in PLM (Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila). He accompanied me there for my interview because I'm not a confident girl when it comes to traveling, esp. to Manila. He seemed "enticed" with the environment, muttering how he would want to study there.

DAY 1 - The Drawing of a Girl

2010-05-24T01:28:00.000-07:00

...
I love to doodle.
I love to just draw anything that comes to mind especially when I get hold of any paper and writing material.
And this, is the product of my "artistic" side when I was lounging inside my father's office.
Honestly, my dad's laughing at me and what I'm doing because he's not mocking me, but amused at his 21-year old daughter, drawing something like this.
Oh yes.
I know it's childish, but who cares.
I'm all-smiles when I finally finished this one.
It's actually whole body, minus the shoes of the girl, but I decided to take a shot of the upper half instead.
This is what I can do, I can draw somewhat a girl.
I know I'm not the very gifted artist like other people out there, but I still can draw.
I'm happy with that.

Day 1 of Project 365 - May 24, 2010

PROJECT 365

2010-05-24T01:13:00.000-07:00

I decided to start off with this interesting project, a journal of captured moments each day of my life, for a year.
It's not for mere entertainment, but for the essence of putting up this collection which will reflect back everything that happened to me for a year.
I chose to publish this photo here in my personal blog and in my tumblr blog.

Life is full of treasured memories.
I want to look back and see evidences of these moments I had in my life.
What better way is by making use of my handy camera and take that special shot.

^_^

of June and Raph

2010-05-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know them personally.
Yet, they seem to be part of the missing pieces in my life.
Cheesy much, but seriously, I'm really happy I've been fated to meet them.
Although we happened to be online buddies, contented for now in chatting, I'm always excited to see them online.
They make me smile, laugh and just treat me as if they've also known me for so long.
They're the kind of people I missed growing up with, the friends I wanted to be with.
It' a fair chance that I met them separately but I never thought they are actually connected (their hearts are).

June.
She's witty, funny and pretty.
She has this strong personality despite the very being she has grown up with.
She inspires me to live, to feel contented, to feel blessed.
I love her, completely and no, I'm no lesbian or else Raph is the one strangling me.
Haha.

Raph.
He's the horny little Frenchie who is my pseud0 big brother, I wish he's the real one.
He's nice, sings good (I've seen his youtube performance), very sweet and French.
Oh, did I forget he's an ultimate Frenchie hunk?
Yes, he is.
June is one lucky bitch. (giggles)

Okay.
I'm just saying I am blessed I have them now in my life, though not in physical aspect.
They made me feel less alone.
And with that, meeting them is a gift I won't trade with anyone else.

If I get to travel the world in the distant future, I'll make sure to meet them, hug them and show them the happiness they've evoke in me.

I love you June and Raph.
This is my crappy but cheesy, oh and heartfelt tribute letter to the both of you.
And no, the two are alive and kicking.
:)

bum.gif.bum

2010-05-18T06:11:00.001-07:00

fashion twins?

2010-05-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

...
saw this.
nakakatuwa kasi parehas kami halos ng style ng damit ni Aura.
and I like the clash of our colors.
love it.

wala lang.
share lang.
wala kasi ako iba mapost.
haha.

Of Beauty Freebies

2010-05-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

Check this site out!

If you're lucky, you can get beauty products for free!

Yes, freebies!

For more mechanics, you can go directly here.

TANTRUMS?

2010-05-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I'm a very emotional person.
In short, sensitive and expressive.
Tipong parang open-book kasi alam agad ng mga taong malapit sa'kin ano nararamdaman ko.
Take this one instance for example.

Scene 1
Mama: Anak, alis muna kami. Maya ka na umuwe bahay pagbalik namin. (we are in the fundraising kasi ng church)
Anak: (uber antok na, gising since 6am at past 5pm na) Gusto ko na umuwi eh.
L: (lumapit sakin, minasahe neck ko) Hi Lel...
Anak: (nageemote pa din sa nanay dahil gusto na ngang umuwe)
L: Ay, wala sa mood si Hallel. (sabay walk away from me)

True.
They just know when to tease me and when to feel whatever's emotions boiling inside me.
Unfortunately, they're just a few bunch who really know.

Also, they know how I can be "bitchy" during PMS days.
The very reason why, I experience this "girly stuff" for a week, usually delayed so imagine the CRAMPS and the FLOW I endure..
Imagine the PAIN, thus heightens the EMOTIONAL side of me.

Scene 2
Me: (taranta mode) Ano ba yan... nakakainis naman.. ba't naman ganito? (in short, I was just ranting endlessly, I can be 'madaldal' kasi)
R: Naku, nagiging "monster" mode na si Lel. Kalmado lang.
Me: Sorry.. e kasi naman...
R: Relax. Chill.
Me: (ayun, tinatry ko magchill.. the effort, huh!)

Kaya ayun, I'm moody.
In short, I got a flare of TEMPER and it's been part of me.
As much as I try to stretch out my patience, calm my nerves, I usually, most of the times, get easily irritated.
Panic, tantrums and monster-bitchy mood will come next.

new blog and Mother's Day

2010-05-08T09:05:00.000-07:00

mystatusissingle.blogspot.com

This is my latest upcoming blog.
Yes, everything regarding my being SINGLE and more.

I just couldn't dig much on the issue with this original blog of mine.
I think that's for another, so that's why I put the new blog.

...

Tomorrow, or rather today (20 minutes past midnight of May 09, 2010) is MOTHER'S DAY.
A day for mothers to just relax and put on hold of all things they've been busy doing everyday - laundry, ironing, making meals, babysitting, in short, working their asses off.

It's a moment to share closely with your Inay, Ina, Mama, Mommy, Mom, Nanay... or whatever endearments you have for the "ilaw ng tahanan".

It's a special day to make her more than simply special, to make her feel appreciated, loved, pampered and taken care of.

It's a time to be reminded where we came from, who is the person who nurtured us inside their wombs for almost 9 months, endured a pain-wrecking labor hours, warmed us up in the cocoon of their arms every breast-feeding seconds...

It's a moment to just hold her in our arms, feel her heartbeat rest against ours, to shower her kisses we fail to give in ordinary days...

It's a celebration of her character, her individuality, her ever-distinct presence in our family, her constant voice calling us or waking us up every morning...

It's Mother's Day.

And with that, an all-smiles and twinkling eyes greetings of HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to your beloved MOTHER.

...

and of course, including MINE.

frappe-time!

2010-04-27T07:59:00.000-07:00

...

Caramel frappe, the sweet heavenly goodness I had after walking under the scorching heat of the sun in UPLB.

I have been a fan of frappe ever since I encountered it.
I am not a regular customer of Starbucks, so no, I didn't meet my first ever frappe in that famous shop.
I tasted my first frappe (which is a mocha frappe) in ISIS, a cafe/bar located in College, Laguna.
No, I'm not plugging, I'm just telling...
I am not an avid fan of coffee, honestly.
I grew up not drinking coffee.
But later on, I met Nescafe Iced Coffee Latte and I evolved.
I began seeing coffee in a different light.
I will drink coffee if it is not HOT.

Oh yes.
I would indulge in coffee products if it is iced or in the form of frappe.
And that is the reason why I have been very much in love with FRAPPE.

Frappe is an iced coffee drink, covered with foam or whip cream, which I truly like.
And according to Wikipedia, in French, frappe incorporates the definition of shaken or chilled.
There you have it, frappe is chilled coffee drink, a relief from the summer heat.

There are many shops growing all around the world, of course, specifically in the Philippines which offer different flavors of frappe, from mocha frappe to caramel-flavored, to choco java frappe and choco mint..there's so much to choose from, the list goes on.

If you're not up for a frappe, you can have other coffee drinks, like cafe latte, espresso or just plain coffee.

I am not a coffee addict, but if you invite me to go grab a drink, let's go and chill with a frappe. That would leave me completely refreshed, especially with this kind of heat.

I'll try the rocky road frappe next time!

P.S.
This caramel frappe is from Ristretto, a coffee shop situated in Vega, College,Laguna.

black robe and toga

2010-04-25T04:43:00.000-07:00

...

Finally, I am an official graduate of UPLB Class of Batch 2010.
I am so happy.
I am so blessed.
And right now, I'm off to just relax for a while before I embark on another phase of my life --studying in medschool.
Good luck to me and to my fellow graduates.

Wee!

Hello, my friend.

2010-04-20T06:16:00.000-07:00

It is nice to meet new people.
But, it's so scary when people don't like you that much as you like them.
Well.
You cannot always please everyone, right?
It's just..
Sometimes, it gets in my nerves.
I always doubt myself when it comes to making new friends.
But close people told me I am approachable.
But why?
I am not that close anymore with my HS bestfriend.
I do not even have the "clicque" group of friends during college.

Despite being a nice person, trying to be sensitive to others, being fair..
I always end up being not taken importantly.
I'm just easily thrown aside.
And I hate it.

Sighs.
I just want someone who will be there for me..
who will stay..
who will protect me as I do the same for her or him.

I wish Ii'll find that person in the next phase of my life.

what does the sign tell?

2010-04-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

Should I be in FEU?
Can my father's financial setup be able to carry on with my medical studying?
I'm scared.
I'm confused.
They still opt for PLM.
If the reconsideration letter is approved, then I might get in to PLM.
Enjoy lower tuition fees and closer school to home.
BUT.
I don't know.
I have this feeling that I'm supposed to be in FEU.
I'm fated to go there.
I'm confused really.
I wish things will be settled soon.
Sighs.

a dosage of the water element

2010-04-03T04:04:00.000-07:00

....

After a long, long time, finally I managed to enjoy my vacation through a swimming experience.
I've waited for so long, craved for this moment to happen.
I don't care if it's in a beach or just a private resort.
What matters most is I let my body relax, strolled underwater and felt the presence of the element.
And I did.
With my family and my aunt's family.
Despite the problems encountered, we managed to get soaked under the sun (but thankfully, it's not too sunny)...

I love swimming.
Here's a pic of me.

where?

2010-03-27T02:00:00.000-07:00

I still have no medical school to go to this coming June.
Where does God want me to be?
I have not been accepted in both PLM and UERM.
And now, I have to send in late my application for FEU.
Sighs.
I can't stop feeling lost, upset and scared.
But I will still hold on to the Higher Being.
He has been with me through all this.
He has helped me fight against the roundabout tumblings I've encountered this last sem.
He has let me graduate soon this April.
With that, I'll trust Him completely.

And soon, I will find the answer.
Where?

COming sooooooon!

headlines

2010-03-24T22:32:00.000-07:00

I obtained this sacred information.
I won't tell it yet.
I promised I will keep it a secret.
But.
I love this new information.
It made my day complete.
I am happy.
I am thankful.
I am blessed.

If only, another good news will come by again.
Tomorrow.

what the heck?

2010-03-23T03:42:00.000-07:00

2010 is not a good year for me.
Okay, not being pessimistic or anything.
I meant to say, the first quarter of this year is not good.

I am in this small thread, hanging on to it.
My future's blank.
My present's staggered.

I am so lost.
I don't know what to do.
Or what would happen to me.

I hate it.
I am hating it.

I just wanna burrow myself in a hole and cry.

INHIBITOR

2010-03-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

I wanted to graduate this April 2010.
My parents are expecting it, since I was supposed to graduate last year.

I have plans already.
I am waiting for results of my medical application.
And now this?

THIS came along and it's threatening my future to fall down.

I've been trying to graduate this year, but ...

A huge obstacle planted on my way and it's forcing me to stop.
It's like a LARGE INHIBITOR preventing me to push through and succeed.

I am so pissed off.
Not only on THIS but on HIM.

Seriously, I am not alone for feeling this.
Almost all my fellow graduates who are under his wing this semester are crying out their frustrations.

We're all in pain.
We're suffering in his hands.

And, now, the big news will be unfolded tomorrow.
I am scared. I am terrified.

But, I'm holding on to God..to the prayers..to the support of people who understand and are genuinely concerned for our fates.

I have to trust the Higher Being.
Come what may.

KAPUSO and KAPAMILYA and ME

2010-03-18T04:55:00.001-07:00

I'm not anti-GMA nor a pro-ABSCBN.
I just can't help but react negatively with the other and be singing praises to another.
I am just a viewer who sensed something wrong.
I am just part of the Filipino audience who is not oblivious to the praiseworthy stuff made in one network and dislike certain aspects in the other.
Okay, I'll just make a direct point here.
I am not looking for a fight.
I am just an observant.

...
Here it goes.
Before, I don't care much whenever I hear stories of Kapamilya and Kapuso into a network competition.
For me, I've always thought that such rivalry is always part of Filipino's upbeat and competitive character..
BUT.
That moment when I saw the youtube video of SOP finale show.
I was shocked and pissed, honestly.
Why must the rap lyrics be so HARSH that they are pointing out ASAP, blabbing about how ASAP must be feeling happy that SOP is ending.
It just made them appeal to the masses as BITTER PEOPLE.
Seriously.
I don't mean to be rude, but that's how I perceived that part of their goodbye singing to be.
I could have enjoyed them singing their goodbyes, but that went to waste when the rap came in.
And now, I heard from the news that PARTY PILIPINAS will be choreographed by an expert (forgot the name) who have choreographed for stars such as Beyonce and Missy Elliot.
Okay, that is amazing.
BUT. Again.
It doesn't matter how good the choreographer is if the performing people are not that good enough.
So, maybe training under that guy would boost their skills up.
I hope.
So, good luck to Party Pilipinas.

...
Honestly, I'm enjoying ASAP more.
I have observed that the people there are improving.
I have always been impressed how ABSCBN managed to train their Kapamilya stars.
And I have also observed, the network mostly offered FRESH UNIQUE IDEAS, as presented by their primetime shows.
I don't mean to be biased or anything, but that's what I've been noticing, since long before.
If Kapuso really wanted to get ahead, they could start with shows which offer a fresh theme or storyline, not revival of their popular shows (like Darna or Captain Barbell).
Like Encantadia, I thoroughly loved that show.
BUT.
Please don't do a remake of that.

So, that's it.
I just have to let this out.
It's been disturbing me for quite some time.
Again.
I appreciate both networks.
I'm not saying I am against the other one and all-hands for the other.
I am just telling, there is always ROOM for IMPROVEMENT, not to let out BITTERNESS.

who's who?

2010-03-13T22:22:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, I don't have any idea who to vote for the upcoming National Elections.
It sucks.

I am given this chance to practice my rights and I do not want to regret it.
Hopefully, in the coming days, I'm going to find the LIGHT.

The LIGHT that will show me who to vote for, the one rightful for the office seats.
I don't want to see the country continue with the wrong path, there's more to offer for the nation and more it can offer...

I'm losing the days fast, the election is coming near.
So who am I going to vote?

I'll pray and find out my choice SOON.

when the world goes tumbling down...

2010-03-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

I don't want to say that life is unfair.
But it hurts so bad when you see your dreams slowly crumbling in front of you.
I don't want to lose hope, but the faith in me is gradually dying..

I am so lost right now, so down that I just want to spend my afternoon crying my heart out.
I am so disappointed in myself.
I am so ashamed.
I am so heartbroken.

I just needed my parents' embrace right now, I am so sad, so sad that I can't stop the tears from falling.
I feel like my future's getting darker and I can't seem to reach that light anymore.

Would I be drowned in darkness?
Would I tread on the path of failure from now on?

I don't know.
Oh dear God, give me strength.
Help me.
Please.

stupid mistakes

2010-03-05T01:17:00.001-08:00

I am now on my way to doom.

My future's getting bleaker every second.

If I will ever be given a chance to overcome this,
I will be forever grateful.

My life is already lying on a thin piece of thread.

...

Help me God.

FEAR

2010-03-03T09:33:00.000-08:00

It has been silently creeping into my system.
Much, much intense compared to those fear of not being able to pass papers or projects online, or passing/failing an examination.

It holds my eye on the future.
That's where my fear is rooting from.
I am scared, I don't know if I am going to the right step, right way, right destination.
I am afraid to disappoint not only my parents, but myself.

I am really lost right now.
Just when I thought I am already reaching what I want to accomplish,
it's getting farther from my hands.

I am so freaking out right now.
Please.
Please.

I do not want to be alone at this moment in my life.
I might collapse and have a hard time standing up.

nocturnal + tummy aches

2010-03-02T09:06:00.000-08:00

I am having a weird diagnosis.

Nocturnal syndrome.

Recurring tummy aches.

I haven't gone to a doctor yet.

I think my nocturnal syndrome is driven by my insomniac nature?

I am having a hard time sleeping.

And, I always have this tummy aches, as if a reminder of my ulcer-induced days.

I don't want to return to those painful days.

So, hopefully, I get better from this.

Sighs.

I got a feeling!

2010-02-25T05:50:00.000-08:00

Nakakamiss pala yung feeling na kinikilig ka.

Yung magtatagpo lang yung mga mata nyo, you just can't help but stop from smiling or else magmumukha kang weird?

Haha.

Yun na-feel ko hours ago.

I didn't expect makikita ko ulit ang aking crush!

EKSENA:

Paakyat ako stairs ng Wing C. Pagangat ko ng mga mata, napatingin agad ako sa kanan. And there he was. Sitting with his friends/classmates (dunno). And he looked in my direction. Nakakahiya pa, di ko agad binawi tingin ko, siya din. O da ba? Haha!

Okay.

Now lang ulit ako nagkacrush, can't help it.

I got this thing with the "eyes".

*sighs*

At take note, everyday ko siya nasisilayan.
Yung tipong surprise encounter, magugulat na lang ako!
Tsk.

Hay.
I'm going to see him again tomorrow.

Love it.

frustrated writer

2010-02-21T04:39:00.001-08:00

I love to write.
I have a stack of unfinished stories saved in my laptop, and in our home PC (which were erased because of someone we thought was good in fixing computers!).

O well, right now, my "writer" personality is working again, even if I'm supposed to be busy with my academics, now that I am graduating. Yet, it's inevitable. My love for writing still surfaces.

That is why I am happy that I bumped into FictionPress.com, a website for people who wanted to submit and publish their written fictional stories online. It's a good thing because I wanted to publish mine which were just saved in my laptop.

I have been publishing stories in Fanfiction.net, but stories were, of course, fanfictional, where the characters are based on anime characters, or other existing characters already famous around the world, as seen in published novels and manga.

So, discovering FictionPress is like a door opening for me, for someone like me, a frustrated writer. And I hope, you can also try it out and wake up that sleeping "writer" character in you.

Passion.
Writing.
Dreaming.

presenting...my pair of sandals

2010-02-13T01:55:00.000-08:00

Reading Nuffnang's email message regarding about the "shoes story" reminded me of one experience I had with my shoes, rather specifically with my pair of sandals, and it was definitely worth remembering.

It was the usual day in college. I am not the type of student who dressed much, but I decided that day to wear my fashionable sandals. I mostly used the pair of sandals when I go to church, but not when I attend my classes.So, there I went out the dormitory, feeling pretty, wearing my white sandals. Despite noticing that the straps attached to the sole were looking not tightly sewn in anymore, I still went out wearing them.

After classes, it was time for me to go home. That was also the time when I realized that there's a problem with my pair of sandals. I was already in front of the DL Umali Hall when the middle strap of my sandal on my right foot detached itself from the sole. How lucky was I, I mused to myself. Trying to think of a solution, I hanged out near the stairs of the Freedom Park. I sent an emergency text message to my roommates back in the dormitory, hoping someone would bring me a pair of slippers or flipflops. I was on the verge of crying as I looked helplessly at my pair of sandals, slipped loosely on my bare feet.

Minutes passed and I cannot wait any longer, I took action. I tried pinning the strap in between my toes and walked round the park, literally just dragging my right foot against the floor. I was able to walk for few distances, but it was really difficult. Every time the strap slid off from my toes, I have to stop and wound it in between again.

Finally, I was nearing the dormitory and I was already exhausted. Choosing the last resort, I gathered my pair of sandals on my hand and made my way across the street and into the dormitory grounds. Smiling like a weird girl, I strode inside the dormitory and straight to the building unit where I stay.

At the room's doorstep, I burst into laughter much to the surprise of my roommates. I never imagined I could withstand walking barefeet across the dorm's hallway, but I did. Glancing at my pair of sandals, I laughed at the experience I'm sure I will never forget.

And until now, I didn't.

TUMBLR galore

2010-01-09T05:07:00.001-08:00

yep.
I'm actually enjoying it.
just sharing.
hehe.

noahthedreamer.tumblr.com

HAPPY 2010.

hoping for some loooooooove this year.
and, oh yes, success in entering a medical school.

blog design contest 2010 - happy new year!

2009-12-30T08:16:00.000-08:00

It's a discovery for me, thanks to Tin [www.bubblelovemocha.com]..
So there's no harm trying one's luck! Happy New Year everyone! ^_^

[following details are copied from the original website]
--
What you can win:

* A custom blog theme/template for selfhosted Wordpress or Blogger (no Wordpress.com, sorry, it’s not possible).
* With up to 15 credits in istockphoto images for the design (if you want more images, you’ll have to purchase them).
* And up to 3 revisions of the blog sketch!
* You will also get a 125 x 125 px banner for it!

Important Guidelines

* The design will include fonts that are free for commercial use (but you can choose to buy yourself a professional one, there’s some really cheap ones).
* The theme/template will include a credit link in the footer.
* The prize does not include plugin customization, or anything like that outside the theme itself. Uploading content to the blog is your responsability.
* If you have images you want included in the design, you must own them, or have a license for them. Using images right out of Google or other places won’t be possible.

How to enter?

(you have to complete all of the following -except the 4 that is optional-)

1. Subscribe to the Blog via RSS or email!
2. Post about this contest on your blog using the banner below, and LINKING to this post with the guidelines.
3. Come back here and leave me comment with a link to your post, and tell me what is/was your New Year’s resolution for 2010!!
4. If you use Twitter, retweet about this Contest in Twitter to get twice the chances (and remember to leave me your twitter username in the comment)!!
5. Only 1 comment per person, so make sure you put all the info in your comment. I will delete the extra comments and asign you all numbers for the shuffle once it closes.

DEADLINE: January 20, 2010.

painful dream

2009-12-30T08:05:00.000-08:00

I had this dream, a very disturbing dream for me. It started with what I did, which I actually can’t remember clearly anymore.
Stealthily went to a house to get something.
It was as if the scene was movie-directed and I was supposed to get something without the knowledge of my parents.
Running away afterwards. I was with someone who helped me find a place to stay for the night.
The place was set in LB actually. We cannot go to my apartment thinking my father will go straight to that place.
The “girl” who helped me took me to someone’s apartment [Conrad] so we went there.
But the next scene changed to going back to the apartment (I think) then to that apartment of my friend again. And there was so many people already.
People I know. People who are dearest to me. HS batchmates. LCD 1 friends. Some orgmates. Some college friends.
They were against me, actually.
There was a scene that Dada and I lashed at each other. Then Pipo came beside me, held my face and said “Do you know farming? You haven’t crossed the mountain yet.”
Sounded weird and confusing but I think it has a ring into it.
The time I woke up I started crying.
My heart was so troubled. My chest was so heavy I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
The entire dream conveyed my biggest fear – losing everyone I love and cherished the most. Not from death, but losing them in the essence of walking away from me. Being truly madly at me.
Sighs.
Painful.

The saddest and painful part of it all.
No one even stood up for me that time.
Just this girl whom I can't clearly remember who helped me find a place to stay but she disappeared in the scene afterwards.
So, in short, no one actually cared?

Bum.

doctor, doctor

2009-12-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

I discovered this manga [HELP!!]which, honestly, reminded me of my "dream". Yep, it's a story of a girl wanting to become a doctor. Of course, the manga also included a whisp of romance and comedy. But still, the bottomline is, the theme is studying to become a doctor, dream to become a GOOD DOCTOR.

O well, I am inspired and reading this manga made me feel excited at the same time wary and bit scared. Nevertheless, it's a good break.

Hopefully, I can be a good doctor soon!

dreaming to be with MY family

2009-11-30T07:52:00.000-08:00

I saw this again, after going through the last chapter of Moe Kare, one of the mangas I've read in the past. This made me teary-eyed when I first finished reading the manga. The feeling I had was kinda queasy, like I wanted to have the same scene in my life in the future. Not exactly, but to meet that person you really love and to have a family with him was one of my girlish dreams, I suppose. I want to experience LOVE, where just looking at the eyes of my husband, I know the words he wanted to say..

But, o well, it will be too many years from now for that to happen, I hope.
And one bright morning, I will face the day with a big smile as I looked back at my sleeping husband and future baby (hope babies=TWINS!) ^_^

[credit picture to www.mangafox.com ~ thanks!]

addicted to you

2009-11-28T08:47:00.000-08:00

Yes.
I am REALLY addicted to this latest manga that I have been reading.

KAICHOU MAID-SAMA
[Student COuncil President is a Maid]

I won't tell much about the story, but I recommend YOU to go and read it.
Cool, fun and romantic.

[credit to www.mangafox.com - thank you!]

This part in the manga is what I have been dying to read since the beginning.
Well, see actually.

The night where Misaki finally confessed, well not wholly confessed the 'I Love YOu' part.. I'll be waiting for that one..but what matters is that, at least she admitted how Usui affects her!

SWEET!

O well, I can feel love in the air.
I hope Ch. 44 comes out soon!

LOve it.
LOOOOOOOOOoooooove it!
Haha.

on and off

2009-11-21T05:14:00.000-08:00

It was a struggling decision when I confessed.
Even though it was not personally executed, it was emotional.
That time, I decided to step away..
from the world we both share.
Seeing one another was like fate entangling us both.
I am not trying to tie the rope of our hearts together..
so I continued hiding, staying away.
But life sure has its own makings and we met again on the crossroad.
Touch, the consent, the acceptance..
the choice of erasing what has been said and done.
To save something, you have to sacrifice.
My heart is settled, I guess.
The mere feeling of your hand entertwined in the strands of my hair.
That proves I'm still part of you.
And you to me.
I should be contented, not selfish.

We may not be lovers.
We're friends.
That's how it is supposed to be, right?

explored, experienced, survived

2009-11-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

It was beyond what I expected.
Far more than what I've prepared for mentally and physically.

On top of Mt. Daguldol, we faced off against the storm (Typhoon Santi). Our only protection was our respective tents and the power of prayer and support for each other. The howling wind flapping against the tent brought upon shivering coldness against our already damp skin. We decided to disperse to different available tents when our tent was nearing its collapse. I waited for dawn under the shelter of someone's tent, shaking, wet, our feet waded in a pool of water already entering the premises. The wind continued its journey in our camp site and all we did was pray and stay together on top of the mountain.

Saturday early dawn, everyone started packing up to travel down the trail we trod on the previous day. The trail wasn't easy since the rain caused the path to be muddy, slippery and dangerous. I had numerous falls, accidental slips, but I continued. We all continued, helping each other, trying to lift each other's spirits. Despite what happened, we could still hear laughter from each other, still positive.

On the foot of the mountain, we decided to stay on the beach for the night. Sunday, when we were on our way to travel back home, the bus broke down. So we had to wait for it to be fixed, for about 5 hours at most. But what I heard from my fellow companions were not murmurs of irritation, but words of encouragement, that ended up to doing fun stuff together to outwit the boredom creeping in.

My weekend was fun, amidst the stormy challenges we encountered.
Although there was a prepared "survival game" program by the Area officers, what we experienced in Batangas deserved to be fitted to a "reality" show. We faced off not only our own limitations, but the element of nature and circumstances.

Truly, through God nothing is impossible.
And you can always find shelter in Him in the time of storm.

So I, along with my fellow hikers, EXPLORED, EXPERIENCED and SURVIVED.

^_^

when forever's not enough

2009-10-25T08:02:00.000-07:00

I just heard a while ago about my great-grandmother recently celebrating her birthday.Her age is 92.She is the mother of my late grandmother. Yes, Lola left this world earlier than her.

When I heard of this, I can't help but be amazed. Our relatives reported, according to my mother who was relaying the story to us, my grandmother is still strong and dreams of becoming rich. What a woman! Many will surely be envious of her, reaching that age where few have arrived. For the recent years, many have been dying at early age which saddened a lot of loved ones.

At this world, there are so many factors that can influence one's death or longevity. You cannot control your life, how long you may live or when you will exhale your last breath. But one thing is for sure, what you take in your body, what you do to your body will bear the consequences in the future. If you're careful, you might get to live that long. Yet many will say, there are still people who live a healthy life but still die early. Why, they may say? As I said, we cannot control our lives, only a Higher Being know where we're going in the years to come, what will happen to us, will we live until our 50's or maybe reach the age of 100? Despite that, it's no use getting fussy over the fact that we will reach death at the end of the crossroad. Everything has its end, no one or nothing is forever in this world. Changes always come. A race that starts will have its finish line in the end.

But I believe, no matter how everything will end for me, I will live my life to the fullest. So whenever I'm at my end, when I look back at those years, I know, I am happy and I have nothing to regret. And maybe, even if I don't reach my 90 years of life, someone will still remember me on the day I was born and the day I left the world to rest.

P.S.
It's not that I am giving the creeps, I am not really comfortable talking about death or everything. I just want myself to accept it step by step. That's why I blogged about it.

brand new day

2009-10-17T03:26:00.000-07:00

I edited my blog and is trying to be consistent about it (snickers)..
I want a fresh start for my blog and even though there are few who ever visit this site (cheers to that!), I will still continue to write my thoughts about anything.

That's freedom, folks. Oh yeah!

And I hope, in time, I will finally reach out and touch people's hearts (oh the drama!).

laters.

quake!

2009-10-07T23:51:00.000-07:00

Strong earthquake hits near Philippines
AP - Thursday, October 8

WASHINGTON – A strong earthquake struck south of the Philippines on Wednesday, the U.S. Geological Survey reported.

The quake had a preliminary magnitude of 6.7 and was located in the Celebes Sea, 175 miles southeast of Jolo, Sulu Archipelago, and 730 miles south of Manila. The quake hit at 5:41 p.m. EDT, or 5:41 a.m. Thursday local time.

USGS did not report any damages or injuries.(link)

---

I don't know with this one, but I hope authorities are getting prepared for whatever might happen next. The country cannot afford another calamity that will add up to the damage already there from the past events (Ondoy and Pepeng).

Let's be ready and forget not to pray.

Out of the Blue I

2009-10-03T07:24:00.000-07:00

“Will you let me court you?”

I stood dumbfounded in front of the guy who just asked me that. Meg who was with me at that time was also shocked and was silent behind my back. After a minute of silence, I smiled warily and decided to leave without a word. He stopped me, walking in front of, trying to get my attention.

“Will you stop joking around?” I finally blurted out. He was with friends of his who were all guys and were just watching us as they sat comfortably beside the store where we were already making a scene.

“I’m serious.” His face was indeed serious, but I just cannot understand what came into his mind to question me out of the blue. Honestly, we’re not even acquaintances, but yes, he is a familiar face to me.

“We’re late for class, so will you please excuse us?” I walked past him with Meg tagging along, who still seemed confused to what had just occurred.

“Do you know him?” She asked when finally we escaped the guy’s efforts of stopping us again. We hurried along outside the gate and into the campus. The siren already echoed, announcing eight o’clock in the morning.

“I’m familiar with his face, yes, but we were never acquainted.” Frowning, I tried to erase the scene from my mind as I changed the subject of our conversation. We went to our respective classes and decided to meet again for lunch.
--
I was walking along the street, on my way to the apartment when I sensed that someone was following me. Thinking that my paranoia was already striking so early in the morning, I decided not to turn around to investigate. Seconds later, a shadow passed beside me but I didn’t notice at once, since my eyes were trained on my phone.

“Who is so important that you have to text?” The familiar voice prompted me to abruptly look sideways. It was that same guy who wanted to court me this morning. And when I was already forgetting what happened, he’s actually with me.

“Shut up. Leave me alone, will you?” Pissed off, I walked a bit faster, trying to push him away. He just followed me silently with that stupid smile on his face.

“I just want to talk to you, you know. You don’t have to be so hard-to-get.” He mused, smiling at me when I stopped walking and faced him.

I breathed in and out before I speak. “I don’t even know you. And who the hell are you to tell me I’m being hard-to-get? I don’t even like you tagging along with me. Just leave me alone!” Not knowing what to do next, I suddenly hit his shoulder with my clenched fist out of exasperation. He was surprised but I left him standing alone, running my way to the apartment.

I felt my tears forming in the corner of my eyes as I rushed inside my second home. Trying to relax, I sat down, at the same time, rubbing my aching forehead.

“What the hell is his problem anyway?” I muttered. What I knew about him, but still I’m not sure too, is that he is a member of a fraternity. That’s all I know about that guy since I always saw him hanging at that same store this morning with a group of guys.

A message came in my phone so I hurriedly open to read it. The message was short and it came from someone whose number is not registered in my phonebook.

I am sorry. Can you let me make up for what I did? – Howard.

I read it again and again and wondered who is Howard, and don’t want to think that he is that guy just a while ago. But it looked like he is that guy since I can’t think of a Howard who I personally knew and did something bad to me. I put the phone on the table and tried to think of what to do – reply or just leave the message alone. Before I can even decide, my phone rang and Howard is already calling.

“What?” I spat when I answered the phone, which I can’t believe I did. Maybe it was out of surprise or out of curiosity for this guy, I don’t care anymore.

“I am really sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off. Will you go out with me for dinner tonight?” His manly voice was enticing, the invitation seemed innocent, and my irritation towards him just melted after hearing his voice on the phone. Talk about irony, so I found myself seconds after agreeing to meet him at seven in the evening. And I’ll ask him how he got my number when I realized I forgot to ask after ending the call. Wondering what will happen tonight, I mused at my stupidity while climbing upstairs to rest for a while.

Prayers to all victims of Ondoy

2009-09-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

The typhoon Ondoy has caused a massive impact to the Philippines, especially in Metro Manila and regions of Marikina, Quezon and Rizal. In just a matter of time, people, animals, appliances and vehicles were all washed away by the raging rainstorm.

(www.timesonline.co.uk)

(news.xinhuanet.com)

(www8.gmanews.tv)

There were so many casualties, so many people who needed assistance, not only financially, but through supplies of food, water and clothing. On that fateful day that Ondoy poured its way into our lives, many were left in despair, anguish and pain. There were sacrifices made, like the story of Mr. Magallanes (May his spirit rest in peace.) who had saved more than 30 people during the rampaging storm and water current.

See this link for more details:http://www.theage.com.au/world/philippine-man-loses-own-life-after-saving-dozens-from-floods-20090928-g8o4.html">

Gratitude is what I'm feeling right now that my family is safe, we haven't experienced that much, but my heart reaches our for those who weren't that fortunate. Human is never that strong enough to withstand the power of nature, amidst studying science, calamities for how long history can tell. This helps us to be more wary, more prepared and conscious of our actions towards Mother Nature. We can never predict accurately when or how storms, landslides or tsunami will hit our country. All we have to battle them with is good preparation.

But right now, let's all work together. Through different means, let us extend whatever help we can give, may it be through walk-in donations, pledges or prayers. These victims need them. Let us give them the reason not to give up on living.

As the song goes, "The Lord's our Rock, in Him we hide, a shelter in the time of storm ..". Keep on trustin' and believing. Everything happens for a reason.

(http://carnageandculture.blogspot.com)

*For more inquires, you can visit the following sites:

http://www.google.com/landing/typhoon-ondoy.html
http://www.redcross.org.ph/Site/PNRC/wtd.aspx

(I apologize if the picture is shown incomplete)

At Your Side

2009-09-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

THREE things that provoked me to think if I am a good friend.
THREE statements friends tell me why they don't come to me..
why they don't seek me..
and why, possibly, I don't know that much about them.

Honestly, I care too much about the answer 'coz I don't feel that I'm one when people you call your "friends" do not seem to mind at all. Or am I just being too sensitive on the matter?

1. You have so many problems already, I don't want to add to your burdens.

Isn't one purpose of a friend is someone you can unload your problems to? Then, why the heck do they refrain from talking to me? Do I have that much of an aura of someone who doesn't want to be disturbed? I know myself, I am much of a listener as well as a talker, but I do listen when someone talks. Am I not that worthy to be hearing a friend's stories, may it be problems or chitchats? I just can't help but feel bothered, even with my own brother, he doesn't get to open up with me. What hurts most is to hear stories of his life from a friend who seem to know that much. Sucks big time.

2. You're already busy, I don't want to disturb you.

Anyone can be busy. Yet, despite being busy, I can make time if you want to talk to me. At this point in my life where I don't have company in the apartment where I'm staying in, I will love the presence of a friend who will come around just to talk with me. I do appreciate the fact when I'm needed, when I know I can help someone with my own efforts. I love the idea that I'm someone they can depend on, not just to laugh with. Being with friends is an escape from the hectic life of being a student.

3. You're the stuff toy.

I've heard this from a friend, referring to my status in my high school batchmates' circle of guy friends. Why? She said it because I'm someone the guys can laugh with, joke around simply or just hang out with. I should be happy, right, but am I just that? Can't I be more than the group's stuff toy? Am I just the "clown" who just knows how to crack a joke or two? Can't they trust me with their stories or problems?

Maybe, I'm at fault in the first place.
All this time, I try to be approachable, outgoing, friendly, thoughtful and sensitive to the point that I'm willing to exert my best just to make my friends happy or okay.
Yet, as time passes, I'm feeling all left out.
Despite my efforts to reach out, to seek my friends, I don't seem to know what the hell is going on around them.
Is it because I don't ask? I'm not the type of person to insist on someone to talk unless he/she takes the initiative..
I respect their privacy.
Is it wrong to think that way?
Where the heck am I wrong anyway?

Why after all these years of being the friendly person that I am, I always feel down whenever I'm alone to think things over?
I really wonder why.

color my world -- a real outlook in life!

2009-09-05T06:12:00.000-07:00

A surprisingly almost-correct results after taking this interesting quiz. Try it for yourself and see for yourself...

http://www.colorquiz.com/index.php
--

YOUR EXISTING SITUATION
Desires to be respected by others in order to gain their trust and support for her own personal gain.

YOUR STRESS SOURCES
"Avoids pressure from others and insists on developing her individual independence. Wants to make up her own mind with resistance from others or outside forces, and needs the freedom to make her own decisions. Wants to be looked at as a wise individual whose opinions are respected, and has a hard time admitting she is wrong. Can be reluctant to accept or understand other people's opinions or point of view."

YOUR RESTRAINED CHARACTERISTICS
"Seeking to broaden her horizons and believes her hopes and dreams are realistic. Worries she may not be able to do the things she wants and needs to escape to a peaceful, quiet environment in order to restore her confidence."

"Seeking to broaden her horizons and believes her hopes and dreams are realistic. Worries she may not be able to do the things she wants and needs to escape to a peaceful, quiet environment in order to restore her confidence."

"Feels she is not receiving her fair share and is unable to rely on anyone for support or sympathy. she keeps her emotions bottled up, leaving her quick to take offense to small things. she tries to make the best of her situation."

Current events have her feeling forced to make bargains and put aside her own desires for now. she is able to find satisfaction and happiness through sexual activity.

YOUR DESIRED OBJECTIVE
"Needs peaceful surroundings. Looking for relief from stress, conflict, and arguments. Tries to control potentially harmful situations and arguments by treading lightly. Is sensitive, emotional, and has an eye for detail."

YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM
"Wants to be valued and respected, seeks a close and peaceful relationship with a shared respect of each other."

YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM #2
"Prefers to be left in peace and avoids arguments, confrontation, and conflicts."

Falling in Love - Yes or No?

2009-09-05T04:00:00.000-07:00

*This is an original article written last September 05, 2009*

If only the reality in falling in love can be taught inside the classroom, then I would not second-thought to attend that kind of class. If there can be a subject where a person can be instructed how to fall in love correctly and not to fall in love in the wrong time, then I would do everything to enrol in that course. But honestly, there aren’t that many opportunities to learn about love just within the four corners of your classroom. You get to know face-to-face what love is and learn from it when you actually become either a victim or the suspect of the “crime of falling in love”. You can never teach yourself unless you get to experience it. LOVE is such a maze you just can’t figure out. But, if we’re talking about God’s love, then it’s one different thing.

God’s love is never a question. It was there in the beginning, in our present and will last beyond our future. Many will doubt its existence but still it burns alive. Though you may be brokenhearted when your boyfriend broke up with you, but God will never leave you. You may run away from Him, but He is always there. He will never be the unforgiving lover that you once had. He will be that perfect Guy who will protect you, despite not seeing His physical presence. Few remain faithful to Him, but He never ceases to shower His love on His people. And that, is one perfect love, nothing can defeat.

So, in our case, in the worldly love we try to hold on to, there are so many conflicts. Are we sure we are with the right person? Does he really love you? Is she contented being with you? Doubts arise when we fail to be contented. When we can’t stop worrying, we start to panic and lose our confidence, not only to the person we love, but to ourselves. It’s never bad to have the benefit of the doubt, but if we push it to grow and grow, we’ll never step away from that stage. Relationships begin to falter when doubt comes in. We are not perfect so we are easily influenced by whatever thoughts swirling in our heads. Even the real definition of love becomes a blur, no one really cares, as long as they carry that piece of information that they are in love.

Before, I was in love with the thought of being in love. I always imagine myself in the arms of someone that I will call my “boyfriend”. Yet, with instances in the past of falling in love with the wrong guy, I realize that I was actually forcing myself to fall, in order to find that “someone” I will love. I never thought that I am pushing myself to a path where there is no more left or right turn. It was an eye-opener for me when I made that reassessment. Now, I am happy even if I am single. I am with good friends. And in time, I will find that LOVE waiting for me, as I wait patiently for it. But, love is actually everywhere, you can feel its warmth from your parents, siblings, best of friends or even from your pet animals. Yet, the love people find is from that person they want to cherish forever.

It’s never wrong to fall in love. It is a part of one’s life. If you have it, grab it and treasure it. If love has not come your way yet, do not force yourself to fall in love. You will never find happiness in that way. I am not your love guru, but one thing is for sure, I am not in love with the mere thought of being in love. I am actually happy now that I am not in love. Why? There are so many things to explore and I can still feel the love in my world. Maybe not from a special someone, but from people who I know will cherish me beyond words can express. And with that, I am blessed.

Getting over him is the hardest thing to do right now.

2009-08-23T10:33:00.000-07:00

*written originally in my facebook account*
--

Life has its twists and turns.

And falling in love is an experience you'll never miss.

It hurts when you see the person you fell in love with spend time together with someone else.
I do not mean to be possessive even if he is not mine, but the fact that it happened right in front of you is so DAMN PAINFUL.
I thought being "just friends" with him is enough to settle whatever feelings I have for him but it was not that easy, I realized.
A shocking revelation for me, a hurting process in the end.

Not to be exaggerated, I feel as if my chest suddenly weighed heavier than the usual. like there was this heavy anchor sitting on my heart, slowly denying blood to be pumped in and out for contraction to take place.. and eventually, heart seemed to have compeltely became numb.

The one thing that hurts me the most is that when that someone he prefers to be with has disappeared, he'll come to me, in my company. What am I some kind of a substitute? I do not assume more than that but getting my hopes up is honestly, unconsciously done.

I wish I can gradually get over him.
I hate to admit but I decide to step away from him, from being close to him (since we're becoming good friends). .

God has plans, despite the fact that I am hurting inside..
And I personally need to get stronger, hoping from another heartbreak issue in my life, I will finally learn.
Learn to accept whatever fate has in store for me.
Right now, I am just happy I have good real friends who care, even though that one person I love did not.

*drama queen*
*fever is actually in my system*

it is all about me, babe!

2009-08-12T05:08:00.000-07:00

Latest pictures of yours truly. I just want to destress so I edited the pics in Picasa (thanks to my father's laptop). And there you go, a collage of my faces in different angles, I may say? Haha... I'm not being vain, excuse me, I'm not that pretty anyway.. Feel ko lang ilagay sa blog ko. Blog ko 'to, da ba? Hehe..

Isa pa, black-and-white tone ng picture ko nung before going to my cousin's debut. ^_^

EMO @ 5 AM

2009-08-05T13:49:00.000-07:00

I just need to re-focus.

I need to prioritize well.

I have to put balance in my life right now.

I'm lost.

I'm sinking.

I need a lifesaver.

*sighs*

camwhores siblings

2009-06-21T22:39:00.001-07:00

Few pictures of me and my brother when we went out to SM Molino to celebrate Father's day with our family..

I never knew my brother could be so photogenic? Haha. I just want to share our bonding experience with the mirror. Poor mirrors, victims of our vanity shoot..

--

--
Isn't obvious we love to take pictures? We did enjoy it. Haha.

gimme more, gimme more ...

2009-06-18T19:02:00.000-07:00

This is originally written in my multiply blog..

--

"I don't wanna give up, I don't wanna give in ..."

Kasisimula palang ng first sem, bumuhos na ang mga problema..
Di ko na alam paano ibabalanse at sosolusyunan...
Eto na naman ako nag-e-emote..
Pa'no ba naman kasi, hindi ako handa, sumabog na ang bomba sa harapan ko.
Kung totoong bomba pa yun, tiyak, di na ko humihinga ngayon.

Buti nalang may mga kaibigan ako, kung hindi man kayang tumulong, handa namang makiramay sa kamalasang tinatamasa ko ...
Kung di dahil sa mga "cozy people" sa buhay ko, pinanghinaan na ko agad ng loob, first stage pa lang ng problema, sumuko na ko.
At syempre, lam ko namang sinusubukan lang ako ni Bro, sana lang makayanan ko ang hinulog nyang PAGSUBOK sa buhay ko, da ba?
Ako pa naman, iyakin..kaya eto, hapdi na naman mga mata ko, kakaiyak ..

Pagpasensyahan nyo na, outlet ko lang talaga ang pagsusulat at pagiging emotera sa blog.
Kung ayaw nyong basahin, e di wag, (o bakit nagbabasa ka pa din???) ...

I just hope, makaraos ako dito..
Tulad nga ng fave kong kanta ..
"God will make a way, when there seems to be no way ..."

Bro, help me!!!!!!

Lovin' my Summer

2009-06-01T02:51:00.000-07:00

So many things happened to me this summer and I didn't even have the time to blog it out. I'll just post some pics to summarize 'em all up.

---

-Area 10 Sportsfest held in AUP Grounds: This is where friendship among the churches of our district bloomed to the highest level..

-We went to Masbate for a clan reunion of Daddy's family side. It was my first time to set foot on this province. We also stayed overnight in Bugtong Island where my Dad was born.

-Straight from Masbate, I went to Bohol but not with my own family, but with my Grandpa's family. I stayed for almost 2 wks there, celebrated Candijay's fiesta and explored the wonders of their beach. It was pure fun!

-District's overnight retreat in Tanza, Cavite: It was a rainy retreat for everyone but it was still fun. Youth got to be closer to one another, at least..Cheers for LCD 1 youth.

---
That's it. Hard to summarize in words, but my summer is filled with so many revelations, unforgettable memories that I will cherish forever. Here are some extra pictures - my own photographic snapshots..

Lovin' it! And I'm even bitten by the Love Bug, haha! =)

falling for someone?

2009-04-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

This is originally written in my multiply site.
--

I met this guy.

Actually, I've known him already before, it's just that I finally get to be closer to him just recently.

Right now, he's all in my mind.

My friends can't help but notice my 'crazy-huge' smiles every time I talk about him or whenever I receive text messages from him.

It's true that when one door closes, another opens to new opportunities.

Sad thing is, he's already in a relationship.

And even if I discovered about it, I still like him.

Even if he is younger than me, I like him. My feelings didn't change.

But I know I have to set my own limitations to restrain myself from hurting too much.

I know the feeling of falling in and out of love.

And I hardly learn from what I've gone through before.

I am just letting God work His wonders, whatever He has in store for me, I'll wait.

But if it is this guy, then maybe he'll let him see that I'm just here.

If I'm in love with him, I can't admit yet. I'm on the edge and I don't know what to do.

To move forward or to back up.

But as of now, I'll treasure the friendship we have finally developed from the past days.

And that alone, I am happy. :)

from Yoshke :)

2009-04-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

I got this interesting idea from a friend, Yoshke. And this turned out to be hilarious! :)

*google your first name into Google plus the word 'needs' and put in quotes. For example, (your name) needs. It is easy, then just post the 10 results and tag friends who will think this will be fun. I think it's fun, thanks Yoshke!

--

1. Noah needs TO STOP BY MY PLACE AND PICK THE DOGS UP.
- I know I love dogs, but when was I a dog-sitter? Hehe.

2. Noah needs A PERMIT.
- for what? (thinks)

3. Noah needs PRAYERS TODAY.
- I really need 'em. My family needs them.

4. Noah needs YOUR DEMOS.
- Alright, show them to me! Now! :)

5. Noah needs TO MEET MY MAMA.
- My boyfriend's mama? Haha.

6. Noah needs A NEW WEBMASTER AND WEB MAINTENANCE CONTRACTOR.
- wow, bigtime!

7. Noah needs MORE TRAFFIC.
- Oh no, I don't! tsk tsk...

8. Noah needs A BAILOUT.
- not good. hehe...

9. Noah needs TO BUILD ANOTHER ARK.
- I like this one! Give me some time people! Haha.

10. Noah needs MORE ENERGY TO PLAY ROLE.
- somehow, I'm always feeling sleepy lately.

Into Deep

2009-04-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

A bit informative results from an interesting quiz. Why don't you try it out too?

--
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Salute Graduates!

2009-03-30T22:16:00.001-07:00

It's the March-April season once again, and that means Graduation fever has swept over the nation. It would have swept me off my feet too if I am one of the graduates to march in the UPLB Freedom Park. But sadly, I am not YET graduating for the year. Well, hopefully next year you'll hear the GOOD NEWS from me. Right now, I'll just be focusing on taking up the remaining 15 units left in my course. And by October, I'm done. Yes, I really hope that I'll be done by that time.

My friends, high school batchmates and fellow Biology students back in UPLB are on their way to wearing their toga this late April and accept their diplomas. I am so happy for them. I'm regretting a bit that I haven't performed well and isn't graduating on time, but I'm just thinking there's a purpose. And people do mistakes, that's how they learn and grow. My dreams never falter, even if I am not graduating on time. I'll still be pursuing Medicine and years from now, I will be a successful doctor, no matter what.

So that means, student still for the next 5-6 years. Yeah, I know, some say it is tiring, but I don't care. I am passionate to be a doctor. That's why I'm composing myself to do better. Not to repeat the same mistake again. Then, one day, I'll graduate ON TIME and a doctor-to-be. That will be the BEST-est NEWS ever.

I know my parents will be soooo glad. And so am I.

But for now, CONGRATULATIONS to the GRADUATES of year 2009! God bless. . . =)

I'm Coming Out

2009-03-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

I am okay already, regarding the issue of the past entry. Although, I haven't personally open up the issue to the person involved, I decided it will be better put off in the past. I am used to her already, maybe I am just shocked to what happened. i forgive her. I forgive myself. I can yield to my emotions too fast.

On the other hand, it's already finals week. And I am fervently wishing that I won't be in the list of students who will be required to take a final exam in one of my major subjects. I accept my fate in Chemistry, since it's known, even beforehand that I will be taking that exam. Aside from that, it is a NO NO NO to other subjects.

I want to rest. I still haven't process the papers of my change of plan. I should be having Sp and BIO 101 this summer. The petition for the latter subject is not yet on the roll, so I am a bit nervous about that. I hope I managed to get them both registered this summer, that I can maximize the time for the remaining units this coming first semester.

O well, I am supposed to graduate this April but I am not on the list. Haha. I know, I am delayed, I still got 15 units more to cover before I can say I am officially donw with my undergraduate life. And the graduation march will most probably take place, next year. Oh yeah.

I haven't reviewed for NMAT and I can't help but get anxious about it. It is my first take but I wish I can garner a high percentile rank so that I don't need to take another this December. The fee is a bit expensive, so I'd rather do well in this first one. I really wish I can continue to Medicine next year. It has been my aspiration and flicker of hope to go on with my life. I want to be a doctor. Simple as it may sounds, but it is complicated, I know.

I need to rest so I have stop blabbering about stuff. Summer is kickin' in. And it is really getting hot, I wonder if I can manage to wear skimpy and light clothes this year? Haha. I wish.

why did you have to hurt me so?

2009-03-20T07:31:00.000-07:00

I AM A BIT PISSED OFF.

I CAN'T HELP IT. I HAD TO LET IT OUT.

I CAN FEEL TEARS ON MY FACE.

IS IT WRONG TO DECLINE FROM SOMETHING THEY KNOW I'M NOT USED TO DOING?

OKAY. THE FACT THAT I AM DRINKING HAS BEEN LET OUT. BUT HEY, I'M JUST A BEGINNER.

I DON'T DRINK THAT MUCH TOO.

SO I HOPE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND IF I HAVE THE NERVE TO DECLINE AN OFFER.

ESPECIALLY AT TIMES THAT I CAN'T AFFORD GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING A HANGOVER THE NEXT

DAY.

OKAY. THANKS FOR THE OFFER. THANKS FOR THE THOUGHT OF INVITING ME OVER, THINKING THAT I COULD HAVE BEEN FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF FOR NOT BEING INVITED.

BUT I TOLD YOU. IT'S OKAY. I DON'T HAVE ANY PLANS OF GOING OUT. I HAVE STUFF TO DO. YEAH, I KNOW I NEED TO RELAX, BUT ALCOHOL WON'T BE IN THE LIST.

I SUPPOSED YOU SHOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD BETTER. YOU'RE A FRIEND. I KNOW IT WAS JUST A JOKE WHEN YOU SHOUTED 'FOUL' WORDS ON ME, BUT STILL THAT HURTS.

THAT ONLY PUSHES ME FAR FROM THE CROWD WHERE YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN. I DON'T WANT. AND I DON'T FORCE MYSELF INTO YOUR GROUP. SO PLEASE UNDERSTAND.

SIGHS.

I JUST FEEL SO DOWN AFTER. THERE ISN'T ANY BETTER WAY TO HURT ME LIKE YOU DID.

blah..blah..blah

2009-03-16T04:38:00.000-07:00

What should I write?

I do not know what to talk about right now.

--
I have two exams this week. Same subject - Aquaculture.

It's the last day of medication for me tomorrow.

My body hurts. I do not know why, especially my behind. Sighs.

I just played badminton last Saturday night and when I woke up the next day, I can't walk properly.

I did some warm-up routines so I'm quite confused why my body is aching so much!

One last week of classes then finals week. And soon, it's break time from academics.

NMAT o9 is nearing and I'm not yet reviewing for it. Damn.

I think I'm not employed in the job I sought after for the past days. But at least I tried and gave it my best.
--

I believed my summer will be wonderful. I won't be excited lest it won't happen for me.

pag-ibig nga kaya??? (ano daw?!?!!?!)

2009-03-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

This is actually an original blog entry from my Multiply Account. :)

(and in fairness, first ko atang entry dito na halos puro Tagalog, hehe)
--

(naisip ko ito habang tinatahak ng bus na sinasakyan ko ang kahabaan ng SLEX Hi-way)

--
Bakit mahirap umasa?

Dahil ba alam mong walang mararating ang pag-asam mo sa isang bagay?

O sadyang tanggap mo na hindi kailanman mapagbibigyan ang tangi mong hiling?

Hindi naman sa pagiging negatibo.

Pero, diba, pag alam mo namang hindi mapupunta sa'yo, bakit mo pa ipagpipilitan?

Kung alam mong hindi siya talaga para sa'yo, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ang sarili mo?

DI pa ba sapat ang iparamdam sa'yo na di ka kailangan?

Hindi masama mangarap, kung alam mong may patutunguhan ang pangarap mo.

Masakit ang umasa kung sa una palang, talo ka na.

Mas masakit kung nasa rurok ka na ng munti mong mga panaginip, para lang masilayan mo ang pagtulak sa'yo pabalik sa realidad.

Totoo naman kasi. If it's not meant for you, then it will never be.

Kaya ako, ayoko umasa. Ni isipin man lang na may pagkakataon, di ko magawa.

Alam ko namang walang kahahantungan ang gagawin ko.

Kung ano man ang gagawin ko, sa'kin na yun..

'The heart is indeed fragile. Once broken, it takes time to put back the pieces, but it can never be whole again.'

--
Di ako brokenhearted. Di ako heartbroken. Kung anumang tama sa dalawa.
Naisip ko lang bigla. Di kasi ako makatulog sa biyahe, masyadong malakas ang ihip ng hangin.

help me breathe!

2009-03-11T06:53:00.000-07:00

Doctor: You are diagnosed with URTI.

I watched her as she wrote it in the medical certificate - upper respiratory tract infection. The same ailment I was diagnosed with the last time I came to be checked up. So what is really URTI? Is this a chronic disease that needs to be cured instantly or a common sickness prevailing among immunodeficient individuals?

The respiratory tract is the most common site for infection by pathogens. What are pathogens? Pathogens are famously known as germs that can cause disease or illness to the host. Although the human body's respiratory system houses normal flora organisms which are beneficial, there are still potential pathogens which invade the system and eventually trigger disease or ailment. Upper respiratory tract infections may result from this colonization of invasive and infectious agents. You can experience common cold, influenza and/or sore throat.

In my situation, I have (I'm writing at the same time I'm having URTI) sore throat and common cold. Common cold includes symptoms ranging from coughing, sneezing and runny nose that can also lead to congestion, headache and sore throat. Unfortunately, I am experiencing all. Yes. And that is not a good feeling, actually. It is difficult to fall asleep when you have a hard time breathing. It is an effort to study and read your notes when your head aches once in a while. And you can't even concentrate on something when you have to dash for a tissue or hanky to wipe your nose! But thankfully, I'm not yet doom to have flu symptoms since I do not have fever. If you are reading this and experiencing such, then continue reading...

Treatment for URTI is simple - plenty of rest and fluids. Drink water a lot. Tuck in your bed early and wear out those fatigue bones in your body. Take in the medicine prescribed by the doctor, but know that these over-the-counter drugs will not lessen the duration of infection. These will only give you a temporary relief from the pain that you're going through. Also, it is advisable to gargle lukewarm water with salt. I was prescribed to use Betadine gargle and despite the taste, I have to admit, it helps my sore throat issue. Whenever you feel symptoms of URTI, do not be afraid to consult your doctor. It is never that bad to be checked up once in a while.

Despite it all, an ounce of prevention is much better than a pound of cure. Make sure you get lots of rest and fluids. It is a much nicer feeling of being healthy and away from such illnesses.

Live a happy life - longer and healthier! =)

career orientation

2009-03-08T10:25:00.001-07:00

INTELLECT: Scientist
EMOTIONS: Instructor
SKILLS: Nurturer
DYNAMISM: Grafter

Your Core Skills

You are a natural communicator with high levels of emotional intelligence and strong leadership skills. An analytical thinker with an innovative streak, you thrive at facilitating group discussions. You will work long and hard if you are inspired by a project.
Potential Areas Of Weakness

You have a tendency to value your own ideas over those of your colleagues and sometimes may need to work harder to make team members feel valued and involved. At the same time, you are very sensitive and sometimes take criticism personally. There is a chance that you become so involved in your work that personal organisation and time management suffer.
Areas You Might Want To Work On

* focus on developing your listening and empathy skills - this is a crucial part of being a good leader
* make a conscious effort to plan your time using structured personal management skills
* actively allow and welcome criticism

Careers That May Suit You

banker entrepreneur journalist business executive marketing account director
Your Detailed Personality Assessment

You have shown yourself to be a natural people-person and to have a real gift in bringing out the best in others. But have you asked yourself recently how much you are able to truly shine and grow in your everyday life at the moment? Satisfaction for you seems to lie in having positive enriching interactions with those around you. You are a strong communicator so make sure that you are communicating the best of yourself in order to achieve your dreams.

When it comes to leadership, empathy is your real forte. You are extremely supportive to your colleagues and able to bring out the best in them.

You have a strong sense of wonder and enchantment at the world around you. You probably get a kick out of blue sky brainstorming.

As far as you're concerned, hard work is the best way to achieve your goals. Short cuts to success are just a false economy. You tend to be quite traditional in your perspective and like to have a clear sense of your career milestones. You believe that effort should be rewarded and that if you put in the hours you'll reap the benefits. However that doesn't mean you always follow your own wisdom. It can be hard to maintain intense levels of focus all the time.

You seem to be in a bit of a hectic place in your life right now. There are lots of opportunities and things that you're interested in, but it's quite hard to know what to focus on. You could probably use a bit of guidance to help you channel your energies in the right way. It's not surprising you're feeling fraught. Work is taking over your life and it seems that things may be starting to get on top of you. You could really use some time and space to think.

The way you approach each day can have huge implications for your success in the workplace. Bouncing out of bed with a spring in your step doesn't exactly come naturally to you. You sometimes find it difficult to get moving in the mornings. It might be worth trying to reinvigorate your morning routine so that getting out of bed is more of a pleasure than a battle! That way you can face the day firing on all cylinders. If you haven't already, why not try exploring some evening relaxation techniques that might help you get the rest you need - whether it's yoga, a soak in the tub or even a full-on gym session. It could make all the difference.
The Future

You may still be a student but you're smart to be thinking ahead and checking out your career options. You're about to embark on a really exciting time in your life - and there's going to be lots of decisions to make that will shape your future. Life an feel like a bit of an endurance race sometimes. It's all about making sure that you have the stamina and commitment to go the distance. You seem to be quite pragmatic about the fact that work has its ups and downs, and this is a really healthy way to be, as long as this doesn't dampen your natural enthusiasm for life.

*Thanks to Youniverse.com

*Something to ponder about, something about what career should I take, where I'll be best suited in, and what kind of personality I am in a world of career.

REST is what I need.

2009-03-08T07:08:00.000-07:00

I am so tired.

I just finished my term paper for Biomed.

And I have to do a powerpoint presentation for my report on the same paper.

My report is due this Tuesday.

Hell yeah.

I'm in for a tiring week.

Two exams this coming Friday.

I want to relax.

Oh, I remember! Good thing I went with my friends to stay in a resort the other night.

It was a relaxing night for me.

All I did is swim, swim swim. Oh and I also ate and then swim again. And also sang in the videoke.

I need another like that after this semester.

Tired. Tired. Tired.

My fingers are already numb from typing.

My back is sore from sitting upright.

My head is aching from thinking too much.

My eyes are getting blurrier than before from looking at my laptop's screen the whole day until now.

Rest is what I need.

I guess, I'll have to resort to dreaming.

I hope I will have a nice dream when I crawl into my bed later.

That will be sweet.

a letter of confusion

2009-03-07T06:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Lala,
I don't really know how to tell you this,I'm selling myself for candy. I think I realized it When I quoted Forrest Gump In your car and I saw you Carve your initials into My salt-beef bucket. I'm sure you're Middle-class enough to understand That your Ford sucks. I'm returning Your toe ring to you, but I'll keep Your glass eye as a memory. You should also know that I Told my psychiatrist about the bruises and I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon.

Kiss my butt,
Noah

--

Weird isn't it? I discovered this in my friend's blog and I did what was instructed there - how to produce this kind of letter. It's fun :).

If you want and you're curious enough. Check the directions below.

Here's how you do it:
Dear (someone you recently talked to),
I don't really know how to tell you this,(1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8) to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).

(12),
Name

1) What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - I'm in love with your cat
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’m joining the Convent
Black -Our romance is over
Green- Our socks don't match
Grey - You're a leprechaun
Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other -I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January - That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forrest Gump
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on peanut butter
May - When I threw up in your sock drawer
June - When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August - When you smacked my ass
September - Last year when you peed your pants
October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November - When your dog humped my leg
December - When I finally changed my underwear

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta - Outside of your office
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna - In your closet
Kebab - With Jean Chrétien
Fish - In a clown suit
Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert
Pizza - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Ignore
Red - Put whipped cream on
Black - Hit on
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - bit of
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the pants off of
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive over

5) What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My boyfriend
White - My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple - My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue - My salt-beef bucket
Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange - My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other --The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill - Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost - High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news - Scarred
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Open
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful you are
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry - That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited - That I may pee my pants
Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried - That your Ford sucks
Apathetic - That you need a sex-change
Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes
Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other - That your driving sucks

8) What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your toe ring
Yellow - Your love letters to me
Red - The pictures from Vegas
Black - Your pet rock
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - Your car
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your nose hair clippers
Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B - My virginity
C/D - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it
E/F - Your neighbors dog
G/H - The oil tank from your car
I/J - Your left ear
K/L - The results of that blood-sample
M/N - Your glass eye
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z - Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Love your sweet, sweet ass
C/D - Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L - Hate your cooking
M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R - Always wanted to break your legs
S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet
U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X - Haven’t showered in a month
Y/Z – am better off without you

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk - The apartment building is on fire
Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war
Mineral/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Warm tingly sensations
Australia - Best of luck on the sex change
France - Love always
Spain - With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan - Go milk a cow
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
USA - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England - Go drown yourself

It's fun.

Got me smilin' afterwards.

And Lala is a friend, I don't think she'll be mad at this, though.

Initials

2009-03-07T01:09:00.000-08:00

You Are Clever and Studious

When You Are Comfortable:

You are philosophical and opinionated. You have quite a few pet causes, and you're always adopting a new one.

People see you as clever and smart. You now a lot, and you love to talk about a variety of subjects.

When You Are At Your Best:

You are a carefree, adventurous person. You love excitement, and you enjoy being in a changing, dynamic environment.

People find you to be funny, generous, and competent. You're well spoken, and you know how to wow people with your words.

When You Are in a Social Setting:

You are open-hearted and harmonious. You are a giving person, and you are always willing to listen to people.

People find you to be incredibly kind, sympathetic, and loyal. You can always be counted on.

What Do Your Initials Say About You?

Swirling thoughts

2009-03-06T23:51:00.000-08:00

-I'm now officially addicted to the songs 'Crush' and 'My life would suck without you' by David Archuleta and Kelly Clarkson, respectively.

-I will be trying to FINISH my term paper and my powerpoint presentation this weekend for my Biomed reporting (sighs).

-I missed swimming and I'm glad I accepted the invitation of my friends to go to a resort. I enjoyed it very much.

-I am confused. Someone's presence is confusing me and a disturbing "issue" is really disturbing me. In short, I'm not only confused, I'm also disturbed.

-I didn't go home this weekend AGAIN. I miss our home and my family and our dogs and my cats.

-I want to eat already. I am terribly hungry but I don't have food yet.

-I am starting another story and I hope by this time I get to finish this one. I have so many unfinished stories! (sighs)

-I am craving for some ice cream, pasta and pizza - yet I have to stop myself from indulging to my cravings and wasting too much money.

-I am feeling stupid for deleting one of the sent embryology files of my classmate in my email's inbox account. Now I have to tell my friend to re-send but I have to wait till tonight.

-I want to crawl back into bed and just sleep.

-I want to lose weight. Haha.

-I want a new dress, shoes and book.

-I hope I could pass my Chem 160's 4th exam. Damn.

Sign here!

2009-03-05T18:14:00.000-08:00

Actually this was originally written last March 03, 2009.
--
Having an autograph back in my younger years is fun. You give it to your friends to be answered and be delighted with whatever they wrote in there. It’s not only the celebrity and famous people who get to sign an autograph, but even in our own circle of friends, we can experience writing on an autograph. So what were those familiar questions on that special book? Let me refresh your memory as I try to re-do the usual queries when you open an autograph.

Of course, the usual first page will include the basic information about the person who will be answering, like name, nickname, age, birthday, birth address, school, etc. But, the next half of the page will include inquiries of the person’s favorites, interests, likes and dislikes. So here it goes.

Hobbies: Reading books, writing anything – may it be stories or lyrics of a song, surfing the net, sketching clothes
Favorite Color: BLUE, a bit of Pink and Green (specifically, Apple Green)
Favorite Book: Echoes, Angels Among Us
Favorite Author: Danielle Steel, Arthur Maxwell
Favorite Actor/Actress: Anne Hathaway, Dakota Fanning
Favorite TV Show: Gossip Girl, CSI
Favorite Movie: What a Girl Wants, Parents’ Trap, Princess Diaries and Hairspray
Favorite Song: This is what Dreams are made of, Breathless
Favorite Band/Singer: Mariah Carey, Celine Dion
Favorite Food: Isis’ Chicken Penne Salad, Shanghai Rolls, KFC’s Oriental Bowl
Favorite Drinks: Yakult, Iced Coffee Latte (Nescafé), Four Seasons-flavored Drink
Likes: Books, Sweet-sounding music, Family get-together, Food
Dislikes: People who are TOO frank, TOO demanding and BIG liars/users
Motto: (before) What is beauty if the brain is empty?
(now) What cannot kill you, will only make you stronger.
Dream in Life: I want to be a doctor, a successful one, with my own clinic in my mother’s province. I also dream to be a well-established author of a book (can’t decide yet if medical-inclined).

See? I remember before, I can’t always decide which is which will be my favorite movie or show, or even the food and book. Funny, now I can almost write at once what are my favorites. Proceeding to the next page of the autograph, if you recall, will be the page of the ‘more personal’ data about the person. And, this is where rumors and teasing will result from, since questions such as ‘Who is your crush?’ and ‘Who is your first love?’ are interesting information to digest.

Describe yourself: I am not that tall, almost 5 feet. I used to have long black hair, but now I have it shoulder-length. Brown eyes and brown skin – typical Filipina features.
Define LOVE: Love is special – it connects lives and sets apart differences.
Who is your CRUSH? I do not have a crush at this moment (honestly).
Have you ever been IN LOVE? Yes.
Who is your FIRST LOVE? The one I fell in love with for the first time – Drew.
What are his/her qualities you like? Big sense of humor and thoughtfulness
Are you two compatible? I don’t think so. He doesn’t want a girl who is a friend to be in love with him, so he walked out of my life.
In what ways? --
Happiest Moment: Each moment I laughed with no constraints or limits – I’m happy.
Most Embarrassing Moment: I mistook a friend’s twin sister as her and I didn’t really believe it at first. I was insisting that she is my friend but she really isn’t. At that time, I didn’t know my friend has a twin sister. She even showed me her school ID and a friend of hers proved me wrong and in front of so many students. Embarrassing!
Greatest Achievement in Life: Graduating valedictorian in our high school batch

These inquiries really struck a nerve in me. Good, I’m done with these questions. But really, it is no wonder people will flock to see your answers and start issues regarding that. The last page is the Dedication page, where you write anything you want to the owner of the autograph. Of course, this page is the most special to the one in possession of the autograph, for she can read and re-read all those sweet notes by her/his friends for her/him.

I just thought of this – do boys also possess autographs? I haven’t encountered back in my elementary and high school days, so I do not know with other people. I mostly see female students, armed with their well-decorated autographs, for their friends to sign.

AUTOGRAPHS – Remembering them brings back memories of the past. They may be memories filled with happiness or sadness, but still part of who we are right now. If you ever encountered your autograph once again while cleaning your old closet, sit back and open it. You’ll never know what surprises are waiting for you again, as you flip those worn pages, filled with notes of people who have been part of your life.

another side of me

2009-02-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

I am proud to say that I am a Seventh-Day Adventist. Although I am not strictly studying the word of God, I have learned much in the course of my life. And with that I realize, why don't I share what I know, even as to inspire the hearts of possible readers online, local and abroad. I remember someone said, "Why don't we use the technology to spread the truth, rather than lazing around doing nothing." He is right, and that's why I made another blog. I entitled it HEAVENLY TESTIMONIALS. I am not saying I am the holiest girl alive, but I want to use my time and capability of writing to share notes, verses, stories, lessons I learned, encountered as I live being with my God, being with my religion.

I hope visitors who accidentally bumped into my personal blog will have time to reflect and read this newly established blog of mine.

Thank you. God bless!

-> heavenatlast.blogspot.com

crush

2009-02-22T18:01:00.000-08:00

Crush is a term fondly given to someone you like. It may either be a secretive or obvious liking of the opposite sex, or can be the same sex, for some.

But, I won't be talking about my 'crush'. Funny, I do not have one at this moment, though. I'll be just listing things that I personally like. Or maybe, I can include animals, people... just check 'em out!

--

I simply adore butterflies, especially if they exhibit BLUE color. I just can't get enough of them. I find it interesting to just watch them flutter around you, minding their own lives.

--

Angels. I refer to them as my personal guardians. I feel protected and assured knowing and believing they do exist and are with me always. I have experienced cases where I felt my guardian angel saving me, protecting me , with a swish of her/his fluffy wings and touch of her/his gentle hands. Still can't decide if my angel is a he or she. Sorry =D

--

Watching this stethoscope draped on a doctor's shoulders. I've always imagined myself, walking along the corridors of a hospital, clad in white, with my very own stethoscope. Also, with an attached stuff toy. (laughs) It's not that obvious I really do want to be a doctor. I like mine to be either pink or blue!

--

If ever I will have children, I'd rather have TWINS. Yes. A boy and a girl, and I'll be contented. There's an 'if', since I do not know when that would possibly happen. I would have to pursue my career and be successful first. =D

--

I like and appreciate water. All bodies of water. I love to swim. I love to frolick against the waves. I like the feelings of being summoned by the great ocean, or showered by the pretty falls. I wish I have time and money to venture on a trip to all beaches, falls and rivers...etc., there is! It would be fun!!!

--

I like to find the one for me. Someday. Someone who will cherish me for the rest of his lives. And will understand the path of career that I will take. Or if not, someone who will be my true best of friend. Someone who won't leave me because she/he has her/his own love life to take care of about.

--

I like books. As in, I'm totally addicted to reading once I grabbed one. You won't get a decent conversation with me if I'm actually reading a book. So, if you want to give me gifts on my birthdays and Christmas celebrations. . I'll be happy to receive books from you =)

--
Seriously, I am getting sleepy, so I have to end this first. Tsk!

my life would suck without you

2009-02-19T07:03:00.000-08:00

FACTION.

In political terms, FACTION is a grouping of individuals, within a political organization, with a political purpose (www.wikipedia.com). In simple words, faction is a group of people sharing the same belief or holding on to the same agenda or motives. I also read, that some factions are loose organizations, with no definitive list of members. while on the other hand there exist factions bearing strong internal structure and official positions for its list of members.

When a faction rises in a group of people, this means a new group is arising, with different thoughts against what is intended for the original group. And that means, there will be partitions of opinions, differences of decisions and plans. And what is the result - divided organization.

Globally, and even locally, this is not a new notion, since there are many cases of growing factions within an organization or existing parties. And we have been, if not part of it, victims of the consequences of such events. In government situation, existence of factions contribute to endless conflicts within the officials, and thus, the environment for them is not conducive anymore for a peaceful convergence of ideas and plans for the welfare of the people they serve. And what do we get in return, continuous trials and cases of impeachments, graft and corruption, and unfinished projects for the country and the hopeful citizens. Is this what we deserve for placing these people in their positions? Will we let them form their own factions just for their own personal and "powerful" benefits? Then, why don't we examine our lives and observe our surroundings. Do these factions not exist around us? Do they not start even within small groups such as class or even social organizations?

I have been a witness to this certain factions and what they lead to, afterwards. Factions even exist in families, where some members of the family grouped together against some fellow family relatives. Will this be helpful? I think not. This will only increase bickerings and pursuit for more arguments. Once a united stronghold, now a divided clan. Do we want that? A family is supposed to be united. And once we are in a class, or in an organization, we recognize these people we are with as new family members. The assurance of unity, through thick and thin, we expect the best and the worst together. But once the family is broken, factions arise, you can just observe how fast the people within the group will start to lose trust and connection. You do not know who to trust to anymore. You do not know if you're teaming up with this faction or the other one. A group is now divided into subgroups, just like a classification phylogeny where a family will be subdivided into genera. Although they are in the same family, they now exist as separate factions. And that is a sad thing.

Unity is essential. You cannot achieve something as a group if the members are not united. When you have a goal in focus, despite the differences that lie within each individual within the group, once you have the same motive, the group will succeed in reaching that goal. Take the case of the Fall of Jericho, as written in the Bible. The Israelites marched "together" around the building, blowing their horns and singing, and through God's power and their unity, Jericho crumbled down.

There is a common saying "United we stand, divided we fall", together we will not crumble easily, but as divided factions, a group/family/organization will easily come tumbling down.

Just like in our country, all we need is unity. If we want these turmoil to end, we have to be at one, to be standing on the same ground, believing in the same cause, or else, our country will just continue embarking on a lifetime dependency for survival, hanging on that thin line of hope for the future.

And for us, let us not forget. No man is an island. Yes, once you are part of a group, cooperate. Be united. No factions. No hidden motives.

We could have a peaceful life when that happens. I know. And I believe, you also think so. :)

it's over and done

2009-02-15T19:27:00.000-08:00

..but the heartache lives on inside.

I'm just being emotional right now. Actually, the heartache has been mended. I'm carrying less burden, right now. I am so happy. Actually, I still feel tired but who cares, our Medical Mission was successful.

Yes. It is successful. I'm just happy. Everything went well, even if there were some flaws. I actually slept for almost 12 hours after that.

Relief. Gratitude. Happiness.

Thank you to all the people who supported it.

Thank you, thank you!

because of you. . .

2009-02-13T14:11:00.000-08:00

I've done everything to make you happy but it all amounts to nothing in the end.
-
I've done everything to prove I'm worthy but all my efforts are in vain.
-

Have you ever felt like that? You have given it all, yet, you seem UN-appreciated, UN-noticed and UN-remarkable. Have you ever felt the nagging feeling that you have been working too hard to show you care, to prove you can do it, that it becomes tiring already afterwards? I felt like that and it's worse than getting a hangover after drinking too much the night before. It's a grueling process to be accepted, especially if you are just there as an existing wallpaper o a living stuff toy, not even for decoration.

Right now, my emotions are in a turmoil. I'm seeing myself, standing on the edge of the cliff, shadow of faces looming on my back, asking me to step back, while I look down at the angry waves crashing against the jagged stones below. What will I choose? To stay and continue doing what I can, or give up and let myself sink into an abyss of desperation? Sometimes, when the going gets tough, all you need is someone who cares, not someone who let you feel that you're wanted for a split second in history, but you're actually not. It's a rather comforting feeling to be swallowed by the huge open sea and not feel the loneliness surrounding me anymore. I just want to be happy, be appreciated, be loved as I give love.

Desperation. Loss of hope, sinking into despair. Once you're trapped in that abyss, it's hard to free yourself unless you realized you're in that situation. I'm in that situation, right now. All along, I have been caught by the chains of cold imprisonment. Not locked up in a typical jail. But living inside a four-cornered dimension, plagued by the piercing eyes of people you care about, but cared less in return. I want to be free. I want to break down this dark mist shrouding my point of view, clouding my real understanding of happiness.

All I want in life is to be loved. To be understood. To be appreciated. Yet, every mistake I do, it turns out to be a nightmare for me. I have to pick up the pieces of those efforts I made that came tumbling down. I have to re-build again and make myself a remarkable sight to behold. I do not want this kind of set-up. It's as if I'm a non-living mannequin, in an artificial world where I act as my owner wants me to act. I'm tired being too friendly, too understanding, too nice, too forgiving. Why should I be when after everything I do positively, I am still the UN-right person for them.

-
Because of you, I did everything.

Will it please you if I drown myself to complete despair?
Will you be contented if I give up my life just to make you happy?
I don't think so. That's why, right now, I'm about to wake up...

Because of you.

the essence of an ERASER

2009-02-09T03:58:00.000-08:00

Photo Courtesy: http://school.discoveryeducation.com/clipart/images/eraser.gif

I received this test message from a friend.
-
Erasers are for people who make errors.
But the wise said:
Erasers are for people who are willing to correct their mistakes.
-

So true. There are so many people I've encountered nowadays who refrain from admitting their own mistakes, worse, they even proclaim they are right, despite the fact that they are OBVIOUSLY wrong. Don't get me wrong. I'm not playing judge nor Miss Perfect, I'm just saying what I usually observe. Take this for example.

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Sister: Bro, you're in-charge of washing the dishes.
Brother: (nods absently without saying a word)
Sister: (left the kitchen to do something)
Hours later. . .
Sister: (went back to the kitchen, found the dirty dishes still untouched) Bro! I told you to wash the dishes!
Brother: I'm going to wash it later. You don't have to be mad!
Sister: It was hours ago when I told you. (sighs and started cleaning the mess)
Brother: You chatter so much. I already told you I'm going to wash them. (but he left the kitchen and went to watch TV)
-

See, although this is a simple example, it happens. The brother didn't admit that he forgot to wash the dishes and didn't even budge to wash the dishes. Another case, let's take it a bit deeper.

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Friend 1: Yes, she is so boring. I don't want to be with her too much.
Friend 2: You're right. She is . . . (stops and saw the person they're talking about behind Friend 1's back)
Friend 1: She thinks she is beautiful but she's not. Of course, I'm so not gonna tell her that.
Girl: Really. You think about me like that. (surprises Friend 1)
Friend 1: Of course not, you're not the one we're talking about, right Friend 2?
Friend 2: Yea, right. (smiles weakly)
Girl: I heard you.
Friend 1: You heard wrong. You know what, I'll be leaving now for my class. See you.
-

A case of self-denial leads to hanging bridges between friendships. Friend 1 is already caught saying bad things about the other girl but she never said an apology. That what hurts the girl more, knowing she considers her as a friend.

ERASERS. We use them to "erase" whatever we wrote on a paper that is wrong or needs to be edited. Unlike a "liquid eraser" that just covers up a typographical error, an eraser completely removes it. Yes, there may be remainders of those which have been erased, fragments of your past's mistakes. A clinging reminder that you have committed something wrong, yet, you have been brave to admit it and start all over again.

MISTAKES. Everyone is not perfect, although you see icons of the 'perfect one" on the pages of your all-time favorite magazines. We all do commit mistakes, but it is up to us if we decide to repeat doing the same mistake all over again. Mistakes give us a wake-up call, telling us that we still have to improve ourselves, be better individuals, or if not, be a worthwhile companion. There's a saying that goes, "Once is enough, twice is too much." Doing it once, it is acceptable, as long as you repented for your own mistake. Doing it again, that just proves your incapable of letting go, and you keep on holding back, resulting to repeated streaks of that same mistake.

I,personally have committed mistakes in the past, may it be small, accidental or intentional. And have been repeating some in the course of life I'm taking now. Right now, I'm working on improving myself. Just like what the wise man said, erasers are needed by people like me, who is willing to change, to admit his/her own mistakes.

The essence of an eraser? To erase. The essence of admitting your mistakes? To grow and learn.

it must be the ball

2009-02-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

I saw this photo in one of my friends' photo album in her multiply account. A candid shot, sporty me, trying to serve the ball during a heated volleyball finals competition. This is last year, in mid-September, if I remember it right. We won. And of course, we are the champions - we, meaning, our organization. Actually, our volleyball team haven't lost all throughout the season - we're having a winning streak, to be exact.

It's nice to remember, volleyball has been one of my sports. Well, I am not an expert player, but I do know how to play and I think I play well. Friends tell me I'm good, so I believe that. People I know, always tell me I'm a sporty one. Aside from volleyball, I also play basketball, table tennis and badminton. The last two, I'm just playing for fun. Basketball and volleyball are where I can say, I'll be confident playing in. Being in the game gives you the thrill, the tension and the suspense all at the same time. It's a much faster pace when it comes to basketball, and much more aggressive. In volleyball, it's more passive. That's what I think.

Looking back at that stolen picture of me, I couldn't help but smile. I don't remember if I made that serve, I am just happy I'm in that game. I'm happy we won and I'm part of that victorious feeling of emerging champions after that.

Whether I serve the ball or shoot it, I make sure, I give it my best. Just like in life, you'll never be a winner if you quit halfway. Just like now, I will continue living and playing my sports. It's what I love.

what it feels like beyond the teen life?

2009-02-08T05:28:00.000-08:00

Yes. I'm officially 20 years old, just recently. It's wonderful to celebrate a birthday with friends, and live for another year, knowing you're one step nearer to your goals in life.I might as well accept that I'm not a young girl anymore.

Being 20, it's like opening a new door where you don't know what's waiting for you inside. It's like meeting the early shower, basking under the coolness of each droplet that falls on my face. It's facing another sunrise, meeting another morning alive. And I am grateful for that, for the fact that I'm still here, breathing and walking on this planet called Earth.

There's so much to do in my life right now. Days before my birthday, I was on the verge of letting myself be hit by a rushing car on the street. Talk about cruelty, I was really down that time. I wanted to escape, to run from my own life, to the point of imagining killing myself. But then again, I cannot do it.

Why? Even if that time I quarreled with my parents and I feel so low, I thought about them. Why waste their efforts by committing suicide? I remember, just now, I wrote for my psychology journal scrapbook - I would like to die through a painless death, wherein those who are close to me, my loved ones, won't be hurt watching me die in pain. Dying peacefully will lessen the pain. They have raised me and thinking of ending my college life like this, I declined the idea of being hit by a car.

I may be in my deepest highs and lows, but I decided not to give up. Even at times where I really want to let go and run away, I will stay. I will live my life, and continue more, even a decade more (if I can). Staying positive, all I can say - Life is beautiful.

And now I am 20 already, it just gets better.

to be or not to be

2009-01-23T06:15:00.000-08:00

I took up BS Biology because it will be my stepping stone to take up Medicine in the near future. So why did I choose to be a doctor someday? Is it influenced by friends or by my parents? Or is it my own decision to be one?

Actually, I have so many dreams when I was young. This includes becoming a teacher, lawyer. broadcaster, writer, VJ, DJ . . .everything I saw myself enjoying to do. But then again, you can't do everything at once. My father told me - I have to be someone who can help other people, specifically to serve God. That's when I decided to focus on taking the path towards becoming a doctor. The dream became more intense with the death of my grandmother, to whom I promised that I will build a clinic on her province. and practice my medical expertise someday.

I have this history of low self-esteem. Yes, I can perform live onstage, be an emcee of a certain program back in my high school days and even do a monologue or oration in front of a large audience. But beyond that, I am not truly confident. I easily doubt my own capabilities, especially now that I have already tumbled down in my undergraduate college life. Failing two subjects causing a delay in graduating on time made me think. Am I still up to be a doctor?

People who know me says I am intelligent, meant to be a doctor. Personally, I felt otherwise. I am not intelligent, maybe I am just hardworking. But lately, I'm losing in touch with my study ethics. Maybe, Medicine is not for me. Being a doctor is not for me. These thoughts pop in a little while in my reverie. Should other people be the one pushing me to reach the top? NO. I have to get myself up and working.

Yes. Becoming a doctor is my dream and not just a simple dream. It encompasses my desire to be successful and to be helpful; and my willingness to learn more in life. It doesn't matter now if I have failed two subjects. I may not be a topnotcher right now but I firmly believe I can still be. It only takes the heart and mind to conquer even the hardest dreams in life.

To be or not to be a doctor? I should say, I WILL BE.

just messing around with "cute" icons

2009-01-17T06:22:00.000-08:00

I decided to express myself now, not only through written words but also with fancy icons I linked from a friend's site. I think this will be fun. :)

...

Graphics for Myspace

I want to go to the beach - just a time to relax, away from the grueling hours of being a student. Yet, the cold weather I am currently experiencing does not seem to agree with my idea. So I just have to wait till summertime, I guess.

Free Myspace Graphics

I love to read books. I am a self-confessed avid bookworm. And I wish to buy a new set of books - I am thinking more of the suspense type, stories with a twist of crime investigation and romance. And to read a book under a tree sounds nice. But maybe, I'll opt in a cozier place like on my bed.

Comments for Myspace

I just have to let go of Chummy, my recent puppy. I mean, she will not be staying wit me back in the apartment any longer. I will miss her so much, after the efforts of training her and taking care of her. (sighs) I'm attached already.

Comments for Myspace

I love butterflies. I really do. But it will be so bad to catch them and lock them up in a jar just for my own enjoyment! I remember one time, I saw a blue butterfly and I was fascinated, I tried following it much to my delight!

Myspace Graphics

This one is uberly cute. I wish I could get a stuff toy just like this on my birthday! Yes, I'm nearing 20 already!!! Not a teen anymore, but still a kid at heart. Haha.

O well. Another blog next time....

too many stuff to think of. . .

2009-01-11T05:05:00.000-08:00

I am the type of person who easily panic. And thanks to my imaginative mind, every time I close my eyes and try to sleep, so many images come to life. These images convey all my pent-up thoughts and emotions - thinking of what has just happened and what could possibly happen in my life. This mostly happens when I think of too many stuff, like being one of the heads of our organization's medical mission this coming February.

I tend to freak out when things seem to go out of hand. Not literally freak out, but get to overwhelmed by fear that things might not be fixed anymore. i think it is because I am afraid of responsibility, especially if I think at once that I cannot handle it well. That is where the problem will start to unfold. I have been elected class president in my high school years and one of the student council organization officers of our school. I have been also the Publications Committee Head of our organization, back here in my college. Yet, I do think big but seemed my capabilities couldn't reach to fill up that BIGNESS of my plans. And when plans toppled down, my life turned for the worst. I feel down and literally not-so-confident anymore. I recline from taking up possible tasks thinking everything will just be wasted when I put my hands on it.

Now that I am a head of an event once more makes me wonder. Will I make it whole after this event? Will my co-heads pull it through, despite my "weak factor"? Whatever is the answer, I want to make it right this time. No more time for mistakes and freak-outs. Though I always had hard time sleeping, I still have to be positive. If not, these many stuff i am thinking off will blow my brains out. I do not want that to happen! I guess, I have to manage my time and efforts wisely. Good luck for me!

appreciate me more!

2009-01-04T02:55:00.000-08:00

Being appreciated is the most wonderful thing for me. But it does not require drastic measures such as trophy or gifts or awards. A simple word of appreciation will do. Yet, in this world I lived in, appreciation is taken for granted. People I met think that appreciation is never needed as long as you get what you wanted. As long as everything goes well. In my case, I do not need constant murmurs of appreciation. I want to feel it as well. It does not matter if I do not hear it every time I do something for that person, just a small hint that he or she is grateful, that is already a heartwarming sensation for me.

In life, appreciation has helped a lot, in boosting one's self-esteem or encouraging one's dream. Acknowledging one's good efforts, may it be heroism or genuine help, gives a positive eye on gratitude. Gratitude is one value that we must bear in our heart and mind. Being thankful for what we have is contentment. And being contented is what gives more meaning to life. And life is much beautiful if we learn how to be appreciative. In every corner of our life, as we look back to the past, look forward in the future and dwell on the present, the gift of appreciation must be magnified. There is so much to appreciate - staying alive, having good health, meeting true friends and more. Why would we focus more on what we do not have when we could already be happy with what we have? And why would we cease to appreciate someone when we know he or she is worthy of being appreciated?

It is just a case of taking the lead - the initiative to open up your mouth and speak words of appreciation. What an effect it could do for someone! And what an effect it could do to you too! Now, it is year 2009, is it better to be more appreciative then? Why don't we start by saying how much we are thankful for those people who have been watching your back for the longest time? They may be your parents, grandparents or close friends. Stop for a while and say "Thank you". You'll never know what those words will do for them.

A million thanks for those who are reading and visiting my blog. Happy New Year!

new year's resolution

2008-12-31T07:09:00.000-08:00

I never thought what will be my New Year's resolution and I am actually writing this, less than an hour before the first day of January 2009. So what will it be?

Resolution. According to Wikipedia, New Year's resolution is a commitment made by an individual - it can be to change one's lifestyle or to reform a certain habit. Reform which is to change. Maybe, change for the better. In my case, let me think. First on my list will be LONGER PATIENCE. Yes, it has been my weakness ever since I was born. But I have noticed lately, for the past months, I have learned to remain silence whenever I can sense my patience already waning. Unlike before, easily get pissed out and becomes hysterical. Talk about being rude too, especially to the person/s who literally irritated me. Special mention: my brother.

Second will be being positive, especially to how I look. I always feel insecure, this is a trait that has always dragged my self-esteem down. I want to feel positive. I want to be POSITIVE. I am an optimistic person but this personality of mine has been a wayward trademark on me.

What should my other resolutions be? I haven't got any for last year though, as far as I can remember. It is still a good thing to have resolutions. They serve as reminders of what you should do or improve for the coming days of your life. Just as long as they live up to their purpose. It will be a sad thing not to put an effort to make those plans come true for you. Life could be way. . .way BETTER.

Good luck to your New Year's resolutions. Keep on living!

MY BROTHER IS A PRINCE

2008-12-30T05:28:00.000-08:00

Actually, he is not. Absolutely NOT. If he's a prince, then I should be a princess, but I'm not. He's not blue-blooded either. So, what's with the fancy title? It's because he ACTS LIKE A PRINCE. I don't mean to speak badly of princes but it is a general fact that a prince is served. Yes. A prince doesn't do his laundry, someone else does it for him. He lives in a grand palace and everything's set without him moving a finger. Bath, clothes, meals, dirty dishes. . . and even money is no hassle. He can spend on anything, someone else pays it for him (it can be his family's bank or the king's wealth itself). And that is how it compliments my brother well. He always feel supreme, an egoistic air floats around his character making it worse. I do not mean to be rude to my own brother but he started it. He is the one being RUDE and UNFAIR that it always makes my blood boil.

My brother can be charming and sweet, if he wants to. And that includes those times he needed something from me or from my parents. Like money to buy new clothes or stuff to give away to some "special" friends. He doesn't even focus on his own studies! What the heck?!?! I just . . . I just want him to be CONSCIOUS. To be wary of what he is doing, my mother is having a HARD TIME with him. He never offers help. And if he did help, it's quick as a lightning. He mostly TALKS BACK. I don't think he has the right to talk back when he, in the first place, doesn't act and behave well. I'm not perfect, okay? I'm not judging my brother. I just feel sorry for him. He thinks he KNOWS everything. He acts as if he is SMART ENOUGH to get away with his own mistakes. I know he is smart academically, but he is JUST LAZY to even push an effort to enhance his school performance.

I know my blog should be about me, but I'm talking about how I feel about my brother. I love him so much. I know I've never been the perfect sister, since I could be a BRAT when it comes to him. I care for my parents. I care about him. I just hope, this coming 2009, he will decide to be better. And I for one, will just pray for patience to absolutely stay firm. I do not wish to be back to the way it was before - the two of us constantly bickering. I'm tired to even do that anymore.

So younger brothers out there, be sensitive. Do not make your parents' or sister's lives harder than they were. And older sisters like me. Patience is all I can say.

shopping everyone?

2008-12-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

It's a common practice, or should I say, a required routine for people to go shopping, especially during the holiday season - Christmas and New Year. And I admit, this year has been a grand shopping experience for me.

Let's just say that I have been to three-days shopping spree, one before Christmas and two before the celebration of a brand new year. I'm not bragging that I have the MONEY and the TIME to do this kind of thing. I'm just spending what money I've saved for the past months. Yes, money I patiently stashed in my wallet, controlling myself not to spend it otherwise. So what's with shopping? Many people love to do this stuff, and I'm not included. Actually, I do shopping whenever my wallet and schedule permit me to do so! Those will be when I need some stuff, as in NEEEEEEEED them badly that I have to ask my Mom to accompany me to the nearest mall. Beside those circumstances, I do not favor going to the mall regularly. Really. But I still like looking at the dresses and the bags and the shoes and the sandals. Ohhhhkay. I must admit I still like shopping, as long as it won't take me too long to stroll inside the mall.

And now that the season is back, more people are swarming inside the mall just to get their hands on the year-end sale. Too many people are flocking in, their money in tow and a long list of things to buy. Well, you can't blame them. It has been an insistent fact that they must have new stuff, especially circular things when the break of another year comes in. Homes must be sparkly clean and the table is filled with delicious feast. You won't know who's coming over to eat and chat!

As for me, my shopping experience is fun. I bought a lot, much to my expectations - bags, sandals, tops, shorts, dresses. Thanks to my savings, I had pull it all through. Still, I kept in mind to buy a simple gift for my Mom, for her wondrous efforts. She sweetly asked for it, though, I just can't say NO of course!

And yes, even if still there are people who can't shop till they drop, including me, let's not forget the values of sharing and saving. It's never a huge responsibility to give something to someone. And it's a good thing to save, for whatever future's has in you.

So, are you ready to do more shopping? :)

achoo!

2008-12-29T07:56:00.000-08:00

I hate having sneezes. Did I use the right term? And having it just couple of days before New Year makes it worse. But my case is not just a simple sneezing, but a repetitive one! Yes, not just once, but even more than 5 in a couple of minutes. It will leave me with an aching throat and weary body, not to mention, my poor nose! My friend, who has the same regular problem told me I have ALLERGY RHINITIS. So, I checked the internet to read something about it, though I'm very familiar with the term already.

ALLERGY RHINITIS is an inflammation of the nasal passages, usually associated with watery nasal discharge and itching of nose and eyes. The characteristic symptoms include repetitive sneezing, as I mentioned a while ago, rhinorrhea, post-nasal drip, nasal congestion, itchy eyes, ears, nose or throat, and generalized fatigue (thanks to this website - http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/208/main.html). It's my first time to encounter RHINORRHEA, and it means "runny nose". And this badly needs a lot of supply of tissues, I tell you. So that is why I am having a VERY hard time getting out of the bed this morning, my body seemed carrying a pile of cement on the back! I find it hard to speak audibly, my voice is groggy and creepy (yes, it's a mixed muffled and husky voice - if I described it right). This has been a usual predicament for me, repetitive sneezing, runny nose and nasal congestion. The last one makes it difficult for me to SLEEP. I will find myself having a hard time breathing, as if I'm suffocating that I have to breathe using my mouth LITERALLY.

Well, I read more and saw ways to treat this ailment, through antihistamines, decongestants, nasal sprays and even allergy shots, since allergy rhinitis is caused mainly by allergens. I think I'll be needing some medicine. For the past years, when I have such condition, I just drink water or wash my face. And endure it. i guess it won't work that well.

Is this inherited when my father has a record of ASTHMA? Hmm..

....

Ma, do we have Benadryl? (me trying to ask my Mom for an antihistamine drug).

hello 2009

2008-12-29T07:52:00.000-08:00

Another year is on the roll and now it is time for the year of the Ox, as based on Chinese calendar to take its toll. I decided to search some basic information about this year and soon enough, predictions for the 2009 are already available on the web. The pinoybusiness.org provided a lengthy discussion on what to expect and what to prevent in the coming year. With my heightening curiosity, I decided to click on the forecast for those born in the year of the snake ( I am born on year 1989). I read about three unlucky stars who will bring about bad news to my life - an elderly getting sick, fluctuations and "emotional rollercoaster", as the article stated in relationships. But since there's no elderly in my family and I'm not in any kind of relationships (boy-girl, of course), can I say it won't be applicable for me? Next stop is the lucky stars, as Chinese astrologers called them, and it was written that there are more shining lucky stars on Snake-borne individuals like me, compared to the past years. Promising marriages, promotion, salary-raise, and improved leadership skills are waiting to be achieved! Is that a VERY good sign? I can say, yes, but only one can be possible for me, and that is IMPROVED LEADERSHIP SKILLS. I'm never that good even though I have been elected officer many times back in high school days. As far as I can see, I'm a mediocre when it comes to leadership.

Okay, forget about my leadership skills and back to the main gist - year 2009. I am not the kind of person too inclined on forecasts or superstitions, not to mention astrological beliefs. Even in my own country's "pamahiin", I do not personally obliged myself to apply them in my life. Just a few, maybe, and mostly influenced by my mother. Yet, I respect those people who firmly believed on such, to the point they depend their lives on these superstitial stuff. If it applies to them, why not?

The bottomline is, you make your own future. Yes, another year will come, again and again, it is up to an individual to work it all out. Even if I've read on predictions that I, who was born in the year of the Snake will have it good this year, I can even make it better. Life has many surprises waiting to be unfold, and I won't doubt 2009 has more to deliver. May it be inspired by the stars or good luck, year 2009 will depend on where you are, what you are and how you are doing it. If you want change, then CHANGE. If you want to be the same, stay the same.

As for me, I'm willing to do BOTH. Change for a better person, which I badly needed to do (learn patience!) and stay the same as the simple and family-oriented girl, born in the year 1989.

A BLESSED HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!

a love that never began in the first place

2008-09-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

why is it hard to let go of something you never even own in the first place?

why is it that someone makes your heart confused in one second,

and gets it broken the second after?

why is it that someone lets you fall in love with him,

with just being himself?

why must everything start from an accidental glance?

and ends with a realization everything will not last..

knowing it never even start right.

sighs.