I tried to hold onto that belief that God is indeed writing the best love story for me, I just have to wait and be patient.
And I've never thought that there will come a day when I'll actually open up to the idea of really finding that man, of really seeing one person as that man God has intended me to have.
Close friends knew of my insecurity. My family knew of my somewhat low esteem when it comes to finding that confidence in myself. I knew it in me that I don't trust the idea someone will actually fall in love with me, choose me over other girls, love me for who I am.
You might think, I've already found my own love story, but I'm actually treading towards one. I suppose, this year has taught me so many things that my perspective on finding love isn't as complicated as how I pictured it before. Back then, I was clinging to the idea that I need a man to make me happy... to make me feel complete or make me feel that I am special. I realized, no it's not like that. I need to find myself first, and be happy with who I am, love myself before I can really understand love. I need to find real love, which is in Christ Jesus before I find it in myself to really love someone. I've understood more that you can never find the answer if you take matters into your hands... let God lead the way, and you're assured on the right track.
Just like what's happening to me lately. I'm not in a hurry to put things in order and affirm myself that 'yes, we have a future'. You can say I've started liking someone, someone who I believed God wanted me to meet for a certain reason. Whatever purpose it might be, one thing is clear... he is not someone who causes me to walk astray from God's course. The amazing thing is, he leads me to know him in a good way, no physical involvement, just the way he prioritizes God and family over any other personal desires... has won me over.
Our first encounter started with nothing, yet God ignited a friendship I never thought I will have with him. The process was slow, patiently-woven by God's guiding fingers, but the truth is, I'm never in a hurry. I know God wanted me to learn the value of patience, and in this case, it's surely teaching me. I tried not to take actions rashly, just because I'm afraid to lose him... and I'm afraid to walk ahead of God's plans.
We never really touched hands except a one time quick shaking of hands. We never talked so much beyond personal background, but we always joked around. I don't even know his real age, but his passion for sports caught my attention. His firm integrity, on prioritizing family and church service over own enjoyment... led me to like him more and more. I didn't think of him more than a friend months ago and I can't finish the sentence by saying I am in love with him now. I like him, yes... and I intend to focus on strengthening my friendship with him rather than creating a romantic relationship at once.
I really have no idea what he thinks of me. I'm scared that I'll get too attached at once, since I am a sensitive person, afraid I might fall too soon if I don't be careful. Yet it is a breathtaking relief that when you put the matters of your heart in God's hands and pray for it earnestly, He will indeed guide you. I never prayed specifically for love before, and even now, I don't, but a simple honest prayer of asking guidance in our friendship and whatever will happen beyond is encouraging, knowing that He knows what is the best for both of us.
I remember reading in Messages to Young People, about the important question you asked when you're thinking over marrying someone, and it can be be synched with a case of liking someone.
Will that person take you closer to Christ?
Simple, yet really relevant. Will that person be heaven-sent or a stumbling block to your faith? Will loving him or her encourage you and not distract you from your obligations, responsibilities and entrusted work in the Lord's mission? If yes, then he is the man God has sent to be your life partner. If not, you might have to think and ponder over it, since having partnership with someone who might lead you away from God, is not a good idea.
I have to say, God is just so amazing. He lets me experience this kind of situation in a slow manner, without any rush. He waited for me to really find my confidence, my desire to serve Him without doubts in my mind and heart, He led me pursue a life dedicated to Him, before letting my heart beat again for a certain someone.
I believe in God's perfect timing.
And right now, I am in His hands. Whatever He has in store for me, I am assured it's all in accordance to His plans. My heart is ready and willing... and if He leads me to him... then one thing will be clear, he will be the partner God has called to be my constant companion as we strive to a life solely consecrated to serving God.
Amen!
